The nation’s highest current peacetime honor:
July 29, 2025 at 9:24 PM
The nation’s highest current peacetime honor:
Jeffries: In our nation's history, 25% of our nation's debt was accumulated during the four years of the former president, 25%. How dare you lecture America about fiscal responsibility ever.
December 19, 2024 at 11:13 PM
Jeffries: In our nation's history, 25% of our nation's debt was accumulated during the four years of the former president, 25%. How dare you lecture America about fiscal responsibility ever.
Trump, the most criminal and treasonous president in our nation's history.
October 2, 2026 at 1:52 PM
Trump, the most criminal and treasonous president in our nation's history.
Nation's UPS Men Break Out The Shorts
theonion.com/nations...
theonion.com/nations...
May 15, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Nation's UPS Men Break Out The Shorts
theonion.com/nations...
theonion.com/nations...
Nation’s 56,000 Acres Of Spinach Crops Cooked Down To Single Half-Cup Serving
September 24, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Nation’s 56,000 Acres Of Spinach Crops Cooked Down To Single Half-Cup Serving
Nation’s Mumblers March On Washington Demanding Something Or Other
theonion.com/nations-mumb...
theonion.com/nations-mumb...
December 4, 2024 at 4:03 PM
Nation’s Mumblers March On Washington Demanding Something Or Other
theonion.com/nations-mumb...
theonion.com/nations-mumb...
Concerning New Study Finds Nation’s Poverty Growing Faster Than Officials Can Build Prisons
theonion.com/concern...
theonion.com/concern...
April 3, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Concerning New Study Finds Nation’s Poverty Growing Faster Than Officials Can Build Prisons
theonion.com/concern...
theonion.com/concern...
The nation’s dogs celebrate Kristi Noem getting fired.
March 5, 2026 at 10:03 PM
The nation’s dogs celebrate Kristi Noem getting fired.
'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes
theonion.com/i-spill...
theonion.com/i-spill...
May 26, 2025 at 6:00 PM
'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes
theonion.com/i-spill...
theonion.com/i-spill...
Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
WASHINGTON—Claiming that preservation efforts had impeded U.S. seafood production for far too long, President Donald Trump announced Wednesday that he had opened up the nation’s aquariums to commercia...
theonion.com
April 23, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Trump Opens Up Nation’s Aquariums To Commercial Fishing
a nation’s fucking soul, you obtuse beancounter
November 1, 2024 at 12:08 PM
a nation’s fucking soul, you obtuse beancounter
Nation’s Smart Toilets Begin Counting Down https://theonion.com/nations-smart-toilets-begin-counting-down/
September 9, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Nation’s Smart Toilets Begin Counting Down https://theonion.com/nations-smart-toilets-begin-counting-down/
WASHINGTON (AP) — Agriculture Department orders testing of the nation's milk supply for bird flu.
December 6, 2024 at 8:19 PM
WASHINGTON (AP) — Agriculture Department orders testing of the nation's milk supply for bird flu.
Report: Majority Of Nation’s Civic Engagement Centered Around Oppressing Other People
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
April 12, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Report: Majority Of Nation’s Civic Engagement Centered Around Oppressing Other People
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
January 24, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Nation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank
Nation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank
WASHINGTON—In a joint statement outlining the mission shared by hundreds of thousands of elderly American citizens, the nation’s 93-year-olds announced a new plan this week to crash their cars into th...
theonion.com
October 3, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Nation’s 93-Year-Olds Announce Plan To Crash Car Into Side Of Bank
Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
October 13, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Nation’s Indigenous People Confirm They Don’t Need Special Holiday, Just Large Swaths Of Land Returned Immediately https://theonion.com/nation-s-indigenous-people-confirm-they-don-t-need-spec-1839033177/
Just thinking about how the expanded child tax credit would have lifted half our nation’s kids out of poverty.
November 15, 2024 at 12:51 AM
Just thinking about how the expanded child tax credit would have lifted half our nation’s kids out of poverty.
Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horn
April 11, 2026 at 4:30 PM
Nation’s Sensitive Kids Denounce NHL Goal Horn
Nation’s buttholes slightly unclench
September 11, 2024 at 3:59 AM
Nation’s buttholes slightly unclench
Secretary Of Interior Asks Nation’s Help Identifying Leaf
theonion.com/secretary-of...
theonion.com/secretary-of...
December 12, 2024 at 6:58 PM
Secretary Of Interior Asks Nation’s Help Identifying Leaf
theonion.com/secretary-of...
theonion.com/secretary-of...
The worst in the nation's history...
April 30, 2025 at 1:46 AM
The worst in the nation's history...
Report Finds Ticketmaster Controls 80% Of Nation’s Middle School Talent Shows
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
March 11, 2025 at 4:00 PM
Report Finds Ticketmaster Controls 80% Of Nation’s Middle School Talent Shows
theonion.com/report-...
theonion.com/report-...
Nation's Dog Owners Demand To Know Who's A Good Boy
theonion.com/nations...
theonion.com/nations...
January 14, 2025 at 3:00 PM
Nation's Dog Owners Demand To Know Who's A Good Boy
theonion.com/nations...
theonion.com/nations...