Pinned
Signing all legal documents with “Have a great summer!”
A little girl burped in my face at the movies. We live in unprecedented times.
September 27, 2026 at 5:02 AM
A little girl burped in my face at the movies. We live in unprecedented times.
Midweek days off are the stier goat chef’s kiss
September 23, 2026 at 5:10 PM
Midweek days off are the stier goat chef’s kiss
JANELT!!! 🐝❤️🤍
September 5, 2026 at 3:24 PM
JANELT!!! 🐝❤️🤍
Bees lookin so damn good!!!
🐝🤍❤️
🐝🤍❤️
August 30, 2026 at 1:13 PM
Bees lookin so damn good!!!
🐝🤍❤️
🐝🤍❤️
Ogling the moon like a Samson.
August 30, 2026 at 2:46 AM
Ogling the moon like a Samson.
Really feeling like an aloo gobi tater tot casserole could check a lot of boxes for me.
August 22, 2026 at 6:18 PM
Really feeling like an aloo gobi tater tot casserole could check a lot of boxes for me.
Today I explained to my 23 year old coworker who Ross Perot was.
August 19, 2026 at 4:15 AM
Today I explained to my 23 year old coworker who Ross Perot was.
Using “talk to the hand” wrong.
I’ll need to talk to the hand about this.
I’ll need to talk to the hand about this.
August 12, 2026 at 5:50 PM
Using “talk to the hand” wrong.
I’ll need to talk to the hand about this.
I’ll need to talk to the hand about this.
Sometimes you just gotta give it* to ‘em.
*the Muppet Babies theme song
*the Muppet Babies theme song
August 9, 2026 at 1:27 AM
Sometimes you just gotta give it* to ‘em.
*the Muppet Babies theme song
*the Muppet Babies theme song
Baby shower themes should be the weird ass food that got them through the pregnancy.
August 4, 2026 at 4:56 PM
Baby shower themes should be the weird ass food that got them through the pregnancy.
Every now and then I think about the people who buy mattresses at the state fair.
August 4, 2026 at 1:21 PM
Every now and then I think about the people who buy mattresses at the state fair.
I’d love a grocery store jazz hour
August 1, 2026 at 6:12 PM
I’d love a grocery store jazz hour
Reese’s Trojan Horses
July 29, 2026 at 8:23 PM
Reese’s Trojan Horses
Reposted
Odyssey spinoff called Zeus Court
July 19, 2026 at 12:03 AM
Odyssey spinoff called Zeus Court
Anytime someone says “civilization” in the Odyssey it just makes me think of Kelsey Grammer’s one man show about Lincoln on 30 Rock and his line at the end, ”a CIVIL war”, and Lutz going “oh so that’s where that comes from”
July 27, 2026 at 8:24 PM
Anytime someone says “civilization” in the Odyssey it just makes me think of Kelsey Grammer’s one man show about Lincoln on 30 Rock and his line at the end, ”a CIVIL war”, and Lutz going “oh so that’s where that comes from”
Been workin so hard
I live in a jar
-a newly captured caterpillar that has Footloose stuck in its head
I live in a jar
-a newly captured caterpillar that has Footloose stuck in its head
July 20, 2026 at 6:00 PM
Been workin so hard
I live in a jar
-a newly captured caterpillar that has Footloose stuck in its head
I live in a jar
-a newly captured caterpillar that has Footloose stuck in its head
Odyssey spinoff called Zeus Court
July 19, 2026 at 12:03 AM
Odyssey spinoff called Zeus Court
Sashes for boys.
July 18, 2026 at 12:18 AM
Sashes for boys.
I always imagined I’d dress like the art teacher from Ghost World when I got to 40
July 12, 2026 at 7:58 PM
I always imagined I’d dress like the art teacher from Ghost World when I got to 40
Consciously telling myself to not think about paper mache paste every time I drink a vanilla protein shake.
July 9, 2026 at 4:23 PM
Consciously telling myself to not think about paper mache paste every time I drink a vanilla protein shake.
Shifting it back into pumpernickel bagel gear.
July 8, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Shifting it back into pumpernickel bagel gear.
Common is to acting as I am to chess- somehow the more we do it the worse we get at it?
July 3, 2026 at 2:30 PM
Common is to acting as I am to chess- somehow the more we do it the worse we get at it?