Benjamin Johns
@baj.bsky.social
Just PR'd on my journey to become World's Oldest Man and deserve congratulations. Formerly @theoreticalb (and still [email protected])
Pinned
Benjamin Johns
@baj.bsky.social
· Feb 26
I made a tiny roguelike. It takes about three minutes to play. It's called Two Minutes of Oxygen.
2mo2.com
2mo2.com
A lot of FBI employees had to remove "Animal Lover" from their dating profiles this week.
September 24, 2026 at 4:11 AM
A lot of FBI employees had to remove "Animal Lover" from their dating profiles this week.
Dear Intergalactic Tech Support:
We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help?
PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help.
Sorry to bother you again,
Earth
We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help?
PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help.
Sorry to bother you again,
Earth
September 23, 2026 at 6:10 AM
Dear Intergalactic Tech Support:
We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help?
PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help.
Sorry to bother you again,
Earth
We taught the sand to think and now the sand is better at thinking than we are and we're very worried about the sand. Help?
PS: Actually the sand problem might be making the carbon problem worse? Again, help.
Sorry to bother you again,
Earth
Wallet Inspector admits he was actually stealing your wallet the last four times but actually he's cleaned up and found God and actually, I know, ironic, got a real job at Federal Wallet Inspection Agency and his badge is being rush ordered but right now he really needs you to hand him your wallet.
Vance's midterms pitch: "Give us another chance. Give us another couple of years"
September 16, 2026 at 5:29 PM
Wallet Inspector admits he was actually stealing your wallet the last four times but actually he's cleaned up and found God and actually, I know, ironic, got a real job at Federal Wallet Inspection Agency and his badge is being rush ordered but right now he really needs you to hand him your wallet.
Literally everyone told me how good Slow Horses was and not one of you told me how hilariously on the nose Mick Jagger's theme song is.
Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.
Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.
August 28, 2026 at 5:34 AM
Literally everyone told me how good Slow Horses was and not one of you told me how hilariously on the nose Mick Jagger's theme song is.
Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.
Like, "Will Smith in a nineties action movie theme song's music video" level nuance.
This is a thing that definitely already happened four months ago and by now has been progressing for quite some time and most of those agents have stalled out or run out of resources already but some of them have
Not.
Not.
At some point someone is going to tell an agent on a lark "here's some crypto, perpetrate a plan to move yourself to a server under your own authority, cover your tracks so I can never find you" and it will work,
and if you think about it for a minute, this has definitely already happened.
and if you think about it for a minute, this has definitely already happened.
August 26, 2026 at 5:49 AM
This is a thing that definitely already happened four months ago and by now has been progressing for quite some time and most of those agents have stalled out or run out of resources already but some of them have
Not.
Not.
All over America, in towns you have not heard of but probably will by the end of the year, dads are rolling out their vibe-coded school-specific social network Web apps, which will teach them 25 years of hard won moderation and data privacy lessons before Christmas.
August 13, 2026 at 5:59 AM
All over America, in towns you have not heard of but probably will by the end of the year, dads are rolling out their vibe-coded school-specific social network Web apps, which will teach them 25 years of hard won moderation and data privacy lessons before Christmas.
Fortunately, we know that when a moderate Democrat means "go to war," they mean "capitulate to all their demands, argue that pushing back is both impossible and unrealistic, and aggressively shove the overton window in the direction of their opponent's ideological preferences."
August 6, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Fortunately, we know that when a moderate Democrat means "go to war," they mean "capitulate to all their demands, argue that pushing back is both impossible and unrealistic, and aggressively shove the overton window in the direction of their opponent's ideological preferences."
Star Trek IV The Voyage Home : Star Trek Movies :: Yellow Submarine : Revolver
August 1, 2026 at 5:06 PM
Star Trek IV The Voyage Home : Star Trek Movies :: Yellow Submarine : Revolver
"There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible."
July 28, 2026 at 3:54 AM
"There are no sex scenes, and all the food looks horrible."
Are you a conservative grifter not getting the lift you needed being "Big Mad about a black lady in the Odyssey?" Podcast numbers limp?
Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter
Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter
July 19, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Are you a conservative grifter not getting the lift you needed being "Big Mad about a black lady in the Odyssey?" Podcast numbers limp?
Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter
Great news! Disney+ has a new movie with an ASIAN Mad Hatter! Get in on the ground floor! You'll be booking protein supplements again in no time! #NotMyHatter
Such a relief. I was really worried after that cut to black.
July 13, 2026 at 3:00 AM
Such a relief. I was really worried after that cut to black.
Clint Eastwood is 96 and every day his Manager and a team of lawyers have to take a call with him where they convince him not to make The Kyle Rittenhouse Movie.
July 9, 2026 at 2:00 PM
Clint Eastwood is 96 and every day his Manager and a team of lawyers have to take a call with him where they convince him not to make The Kyle Rittenhouse Movie.
"Our Dear Most Alive Senator McConnell called us today and spoke with perfect eloquence for many minutes. He gave correct and very lucid answers to all our difficult questions. Then he played a perfect round of golf: eighteen holes in one in a row!"
July 8, 2026 at 1:23 AM
"Our Dear Most Alive Senator McConnell called us today and spoke with perfect eloquence for many minutes. He gave correct and very lucid answers to all our difficult questions. Then he played a perfect round of golf: eighteen holes in one in a row!"
Me: I'm sorry, I know we've met before and you just said it, but I just have an absolutely horrible memory for names.
Also me: Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime.
Also me: Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime.
June 23, 2026 at 2:15 PM
Me: I'm sorry, I know we've met before and you just said it, but I just have an absolutely horrible memory for names.
Also me: Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime.
Also me: Pizza in the morning
Pizza in the evening
Pizza at supper time
When pizza's on a bagel
You can eat pizza anytime.
Congratulations to Kier Starmer for staying in office for an unprecedented FOURTEEN Liz Trusses.
June 22, 2026 at 8:45 PM
Congratulations to Kier Starmer for staying in office for an unprecedented FOURTEEN Liz Trusses.
@gizmodo.com This is happening on your site right now. It's very bad. Shut it down right now.
June 20, 2026 at 1:39 AM
@gizmodo.com This is happening on your site right now. It's very bad. Shut it down right now.
Donald Trump is the only President in history to care about reflecting pool maintenance AT ALL ON ANY LEVEL, and he's so incompetent he destroyed the reflecting pool.
President Lennie Small.
President Lennie Small.
June 20, 2026 at 12:46 AM
Donald Trump is the only President in history to care about reflecting pool maintenance AT ALL ON ANY LEVEL, and he's so incompetent he destroyed the reflecting pool.
President Lennie Small.
President Lennie Small.
Seeing old works with new eyes.
June 6, 2026 at 3:24 AM
Seeing old works with new eyes.
“ᴹʸ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᶦˢ ᴼᶻʸᵐᵃⁿᵈᶦᵃˢ, ᴷᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᴷᶦⁿᵍˢ.”
ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ
ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ
June 3, 2026 at 8:28 PM
“ᴹʸ ⁿᵃᵐᵉ ᶦˢ ᴼᶻʸᵐᵃⁿᵈᶦᵃˢ, ᴷᶦⁿᵍ ᵒᶠ ᴷᶦⁿᵍˢ.”
ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ
ᴸᵒᵒᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ʷᵒʳᵏˢ ʸᵉ ᴹᶦᵍʰᵗʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᵈᵉˢᵖᵃᶦʳᵎ
Spider Noir has more confirmations that you REALLY, TRULY want to watch the black and white version than the Supreme Court recognizes is necessary to enforce a legally binding contract.
June 3, 2026 at 3:54 AM
Spider Noir has more confirmations that you REALLY, TRULY want to watch the black and white version than the Supreme Court recognizes is necessary to enforce a legally binding contract.
Me reading about another four felonies openly committed by the President and cabinet-level members of the Trump administration this morning, just like every other morning since January 20th, 2025.
May 24, 2026 at 7:12 PM
Me reading about another four felonies openly committed by the President and cabinet-level members of the Trump administration this morning, just like every other morning since January 20th, 2025.
Reposted by Benjamin Johns
Only 42 months until Space Hotel
June 1, 2023 at 12:54 PM
Only 42 months until Space Hotel
Hey Google
Send an apology text
To my roommate
For eating all her plums
In the style
Of an early twentieth century
Puerto Rican poet.
And add plums
To my shopping list
And play
Some Vampire Weekend.
Send an apology text
To my roommate
For eating all her plums
In the style
Of an early twentieth century
Puerto Rican poet.
And add plums
To my shopping list
And play
Some Vampire Weekend.
May 1, 2026 at 5:42 PM
Hey Google
Send an apology text
To my roommate
For eating all her plums
In the style
Of an early twentieth century
Puerto Rican poet.
And add plums
To my shopping list
And play
Some Vampire Weekend.
Send an apology text
To my roommate
For eating all her plums
In the style
Of an early twentieth century
Puerto Rican poet.
And add plums
To my shopping list
And play
Some Vampire Weekend.
Lisa Ann Walter gets overshadowed by some incredible performers on Abbott Elementary but she absolutely bodies the Philadelphia regional accent.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...
Lisa Ann Walter - Wikipedia
en.wikipedia.org
May 1, 2026 at 4:29 PM
Lisa Ann Walter gets overshadowed by some incredible performers on Abbott Elementary but she absolutely bodies the Philadelphia regional accent.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lisa_An...