Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
Bluesky is easy. You just have to be funny all the time or no one will love you
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:n3kxj4fonot7lg67tmakj4dn/feed/aaacgs3xfjaw4
Pinned
Matty
@bestestname.bsky.social
· Jun 11
Would be endlessly helpful if everyone got their name tattooed on their face
Please. I just need closure. Why did you park like that?
September 19, 2026 at 3:07 AM
Please. I just need closure. Why did you park like that?
Reposted by Matty
I actually did mean to startle you
September 15, 2026 at 10:22 PM
I actually did mean to startle you
Reposted by Matty
I always think I like body butter but really I just like butter. Bodyless, preferably.
September 13, 2026 at 3:24 AM
I always think I like body butter but really I just like butter. Bodyless, preferably.
Reposted by Matty
The trick to social media is to think that people care what you have to say but never worry about whether they actually do.
February 21, 2025 at 9:26 PM
The trick to social media is to think that people care what you have to say but never worry about whether they actually do.
I just tired to fold my iphone in half and I am displeased with the results
September 13, 2026 at 12:00 AM
I just tired to fold my iphone in half and I am displeased with the results
Reposted by Matty
Jeopardy: The answer is “You are.”
*dog contestants cock their heads to one side
*dog contestants cock their heads to one side
September 12, 2026 at 3:10 PM
Jeopardy: The answer is “You are.”
*dog contestants cock their heads to one side
*dog contestants cock their heads to one side
Reposted by Matty
It really sucks that collectively as a country we’ve spent most of the 25 years after 9/11 being the absolute worst versions of ourselves 
September 11, 2026 at 11:28 AM
It really sucks that collectively as a country we’ve spent most of the 25 years after 9/11 being the absolute worst versions of ourselves 
Can't. Making a playlist you will never listen to
September 11, 2026 at 7:10 PM
Can't. Making a playlist you will never listen to
Adults be like: "blah blah blah insurance blah blah blah..."
September 11, 2026 at 7:09 PM
Adults be like: "blah blah blah insurance blah blah blah..."
Reposted by Matty
One minute, you’re young and carefree. The next, you’re saying things like, “Let’s just get there early and park close.”
September 9, 2026 at 5:00 PM
One minute, you’re young and carefree. The next, you’re saying things like, “Let’s just get there early and park close.”
Sure, ai is going to ruin the world, but at least it doesn't try to tell me a story about its family when I ask for a recipe
September 9, 2026 at 9:45 PM
Sure, ai is going to ruin the world, but at least it doesn't try to tell me a story about its family when I ask for a recipe
Reposted by Matty
Don’t forget to take a break from feeling bad about the world to feel bad about yourself
September 8, 2026 at 2:22 AM
Don’t forget to take a break from feeling bad about the world to feel bad about yourself
They should really change the name to "3 AM Detector"
September 7, 2026 at 10:23 PM
They should really change the name to "3 AM Detector"
This generation says "Let's Go" after they are already there
September 6, 2026 at 1:15 AM
This generation says "Let's Go" after they are already there
Reposted by Matty
I prefer the term "victory deficient." Thanks.
August 22, 2026 at 3:30 PM
I prefer the term "victory deficient." Thanks.
Some of the greatest moments in my life have involved catching food in my mouth
September 6, 2026 at 1:11 AM
Some of the greatest moments in my life have involved catching food in my mouth
Reposted by Matty
u could draw a potato
September 3, 2026 at 3:20 AM
u could draw a potato
Reposted by Matty
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here stalking your pets on the media tab.
September 2, 2026 at 7:41 PM
Imagine hating me and I’m just over here stalking your pets on the media tab.
Reposted by Matty
If I were Aladdin I'd probably have addressed my crushing poverty before trying to impress some broad.
August 31, 2026 at 2:04 PM
If I were Aladdin I'd probably have addressed my crushing poverty before trying to impress some broad.
Reposted by Matty
I miss perusing the news over coffee without recoiling in horror.
September 2, 2026 at 3:13 PM
I miss perusing the news over coffee without recoiling in horror.
No one else knows that your mustache is ironic
September 2, 2026 at 3:08 PM
No one else knows that your mustache is ironic
You can never really *own* earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.
September 2, 2026 at 1:20 PM
You can never really *own* earbuds. You just have to appreciate the time you had together.
There is plenty of manual labor to do in my yard, but I'm busy going to the gym
September 1, 2026 at 6:29 PM
There is plenty of manual labor to do in my yard, but I'm busy going to the gym