Bob Heller
@bobheller.bsky.social
I’m Bob. My penis is 4 inches but thick as a beer can, has 2 heads and can kill a pair of doves from 17 feet.
Oh hey, bobhellertees.com is still kind of a thing
Kind of.
shitskeets: https://tinyurl.com/hxaja4ba
Oh hey, bobhellertees.com is still kind of a thing
Kind of.
shitskeets: https://tinyurl.com/hxaja4ba
Pinned
I remember when a foot long was $5
Reposted by Bob Heller
A poorgasm is just like any orgasm except you have your palms facing skyward and your pants pockets turned inside-out.
February 14, 2025 at 7:48 AM
A poorgasm is just like any orgasm except you have your palms facing skyward and your pants pockets turned inside-out.
Reposted by Bob Heller
if I am shitting my own pants in fear everyone jumps to reassure me but when I shit someone else’s pants suddenly they're all “that’s really gross” and “what’s wrong with you”
October 2, 2026 at 9:48 PM
if I am shitting my own pants in fear everyone jumps to reassure me but when I shit someone else’s pants suddenly they're all “that’s really gross” and “what’s wrong with you”
Reposted by Bob Heller
Some people call me the blood harvester, a terrible butcher of crimson destruction. Some people call me Maurice, probably because they don't want their blood harvested.
October 3, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Some people call me the blood harvester, a terrible butcher of crimson destruction. Some people call me Maurice, probably because they don't want their blood harvested.
Reposted by Bob Heller
spiderman defeating the bad guy by sneaking into the compound and laying millions of eggs
August 6, 2026 at 5:33 PM
spiderman defeating the bad guy by sneaking into the compound and laying millions of eggs
"Actually...eh hem...Frankenstein was the name of the scientist, the creator; not the monst- eh ehhh eck"
- Some nerd I just choked
- Some nerd I just choked
October 3, 2026 at 9:20 PM
"Actually...eh hem...Frankenstein was the name of the scientist, the creator; not the monst- eh ehhh eck"
- Some nerd I just choked
- Some nerd I just choked
Reposted by Bob Heller
Hear ye, here ye, come one come all. Bring us your ominous orbs, your jet black eyes. We want your purple lightning over blood red seas. Trophies go to the weirdest, darkest, most unhinged skeets you can pull out of the ether
To enter: like & repost this post then reply with your skeet/a link to it
To enter: like & repost this post then reply with your skeet/a link to it
October 3, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Hear ye, here ye, come one come all. Bring us your ominous orbs, your jet black eyes. We want your purple lightning over blood red seas. Trophies go to the weirdest, darkest, most unhinged skeets you can pull out of the ether
To enter: like & repost this post then reply with your skeet/a link to it
To enter: like & repost this post then reply with your skeet/a link to it
It is becoming clear that before I die I will have an opportunity to fuck a sexy robot. I will also likely be killed by a robot. Possibly same robot.
October 3, 2026 at 4:47 PM
It is becoming clear that before I die I will have an opportunity to fuck a sexy robot. I will also likely be killed by a robot. Possibly same robot.
Hey, maybe you can use AI to go fuck yourself
October 2, 2026 at 12:52 PM
Hey, maybe you can use AI to go fuck yourself
This is a joke about my wiener and a new movie
anne hathaway is making my dakota johnson go inside-out and crawl back up into my body
October 2, 2026 at 3:53 AM
This is a joke about my wiener and a new movie
anne hathaway is making my dakota johnson go inside-out and crawl back up into my body
October 2, 2026 at 3:52 AM
anne hathaway is making my dakota johnson go inside-out and crawl back up into my body
You remind me of one of my good friends from high school. Asshole.
October 1, 2026 at 10:55 AM
You remind me of one of my good friends from high school. Asshole.
Reposted by Bob Heller
I've developed a habit of snapping a rubber band on my wrist and I have no idea how I'm going to quit.
January 15, 2026 at 2:36 AM
I've developed a habit of snapping a rubber band on my wrist and I have no idea how I'm going to quit.
Reposted by Bob Heller
a necklace for your wrist is called a wristlace
September 30, 2026 at 1:34 AM
a necklace for your wrist is called a wristlace
Heard somebody in the office ask if anybody had seen their "cunt tater" but quickly realized they said "container" and I lost interest.
September 28, 2026 at 2:11 PM
Heard somebody in the office ask if anybody had seen their "cunt tater" but quickly realized they said "container" and I lost interest.
Reposted by Bob Heller
At work, a woman quit unexpectedly but it’s okay because we both owned a really similar shirt and it’s a pretty small office so that’s resolved.
September 26, 2026 at 3:56 PM
At work, a woman quit unexpectedly but it’s okay because we both owned a really similar shirt and it’s a pretty small office so that’s resolved.
Reposted by Bob Heller
THE COUNT: VON! VONN CROW!!!! AH, AHH, AH!!!!
ADAM DURITZ: Okay okay okay, I get the joke. Ha. Ha.
THE COUNT: Vawt joke???
CROW PERCHED ON TREE BRANCH BEHIND ADAM DURITZ: Caw cawww!
ADAM DURITZ: Okay okay okay, I get the joke. Ha. Ha.
THE COUNT: Vawt joke???
CROW PERCHED ON TREE BRANCH BEHIND ADAM DURITZ: Caw cawww!
May 14, 2025 at 10:31 AM
THE COUNT: VON! VONN CROW!!!! AH, AHH, AH!!!!
ADAM DURITZ: Okay okay okay, I get the joke. Ha. Ha.
THE COUNT: Vawt joke???
CROW PERCHED ON TREE BRANCH BEHIND ADAM DURITZ: Caw cawww!
ADAM DURITZ: Okay okay okay, I get the joke. Ha. Ha.
THE COUNT: Vawt joke???
CROW PERCHED ON TREE BRANCH BEHIND ADAM DURITZ: Caw cawww!
Reposted by Bob Heller
refused to invite count chocula in and now he’s sitting on my porch pouting
September 28, 2026 at 1:12 PM
refused to invite count chocula in and now he’s sitting on my porch pouting
Reposted by Bob Heller
Most middle school boys can run a half mile faster than I can get out of a recliner.
April 6, 2025 at 1:38 AM
Most middle school boys can run a half mile faster than I can get out of a recliner.
Reposted by Bob Heller
At my age, some days the glass is half full, some days the glass is half empty. Either way, I have to pee.
September 26, 2026 at 11:46 PM
At my age, some days the glass is half full, some days the glass is half empty. Either way, I have to pee.
Reposted by Bob Heller
This song reminds me of an old girlfriend who was my cherry pie.
December 23, 2024 at 9:50 PM
This song reminds me of an old girlfriend who was my cherry pie.
Reposted by Bob Heller
It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary
May 29, 2025 at 10:27 PM
It's called quiche because "egg pie" sounds like something you'd look up on urban dictionary
Reposted by Bob Heller
I love my duvet cover so much I got a duvet cover cover.
February 6, 2026 at 4:14 AM
I love my duvet cover so much I got a duvet cover cover.
Reposted by Bob Heller
ending my cover letter with “if you even care”
September 25, 2026 at 3:49 AM
ending my cover letter with “if you even care”
Reposted by Bob Heller
If two in the pink and one in the stink is the shocker, then two in the pink and two in the stink is the spocker.
December 8, 2025 at 2:10 AM
If two in the pink and one in the stink is the shocker, then two in the pink and two in the stink is the spocker.