🔫 climp
@climp.bsky.social
.·´¯`·.·★ ★·.·`¯´·.
Microsoft excel
Microsoft excel
I miss manned toll booths because now there's no one to shake your hand
October 2, 2026 at 4:42 PM
I miss manned toll booths because now there's no one to shake your hand
For sale: baby candy, easily taken
September 28, 2026 at 1:25 PM
For sale: baby candy, easily taken
Reposted by 🔫 climp
really big fortune cookies with novels in them
September 27, 2026 at 12:29 AM
really big fortune cookies with novels in them
Mixing the drug that regrows teeth into my bottle of hand cream
September 25, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Mixing the drug that regrows teeth into my bottle of hand cream
Oh that was a load-bearing hangnail
September 23, 2026 at 12:56 PM
Oh that was a load-bearing hangnail
Only working this job until I can afford that piggy bank
September 22, 2026 at 1:17 PM
Only working this job until I can afford that piggy bank
Archaeologists unearth big ol’ pit.
September 22, 2026 at 12:36 PM
Archaeologists unearth big ol’ pit.
Accidentally parrying the cashier handing me my change and taking out 3/4 of his health bar.
September 19, 2026 at 12:46 PM
Accidentally parrying the cashier handing me my change and taking out 3/4 of his health bar.
Are these enough items? What if the cashier thinks I’m a bad consumer?
September 17, 2026 at 11:08 PM
Are these enough items? What if the cashier thinks I’m a bad consumer?
There’s bugs under the screen and i have to tap to crush them
September 15, 2026 at 12:47 AM
There’s bugs under the screen and i have to tap to crush them
Razer Ultimate Edition RGB CPAP
September 12, 2026 at 8:12 PM
Razer Ultimate Edition RGB CPAP
Time was that word of a new tallest horse would capture the national imagination. “Could a gentleman rider pass beneath the Meadowport Arch without losing his hat?” they'd ask. But no, these days it’s just “Ho hum” and everyone returns to blithely slurping the latest stew.
September 8, 2026 at 1:39 AM
Time was that word of a new tallest horse would capture the national imagination. “Could a gentleman rider pass beneath the Meadowport Arch without losing his hat?” they'd ask. But no, these days it’s just “Ho hum” and everyone returns to blithely slurping the latest stew.
People at work won’t stop referencing Simon & Simon. They’re reciting full episodes in costume and there are cameras and crew everywhere.
September 8, 2026 at 12:20 AM
People at work won’t stop referencing Simon & Simon. They’re reciting full episodes in costume and there are cameras and crew everywhere.
Download the United app now to enjoy four episodes of another “The Office” style straight-to-airline sitcom
September 8, 2026 at 12:10 AM
Download the United app now to enjoy four episodes of another “The Office” style straight-to-airline sitcom
Wait how come the other gang got to bring some kind of muscle guy
September 8, 2026 at 12:08 AM
Wait how come the other gang got to bring some kind of muscle guy
When I come screaming into your solar system it's gonna to be at an angle to the ecliptic so the shotgun blast of exotic particles that heralds my arrival doesn’t sterilize anything your civilization might currently enjoy living on. That’s called being polite.
September 5, 2026 at 12:48 PM
When I come screaming into your solar system it's gonna to be at an angle to the ecliptic so the shotgun blast of exotic particles that heralds my arrival doesn’t sterilize anything your civilization might currently enjoy living on. That’s called being polite.
Honey I’ll take care of you even after I’m gone [QR code on my gravestone that’s an Amazon affiliate link for 9-volt batteries]
August 26, 2026 at 2:17 AM
Honey I’ll take care of you even after I’m gone [QR code on my gravestone that’s an Amazon affiliate link for 9-volt batteries]
Gymnastics team absolutely fucking up this jet bridge, crashing into the ceiling and shit. Guys save it for the flight.
August 25, 2026 at 1:14 AM
Gymnastics team absolutely fucking up this jet bridge, crashing into the ceiling and shit. Guys save it for the flight.
wow you just breezed past that airport mural like it meant nothing to you
August 24, 2026 at 2:01 AM
wow you just breezed past that airport mural like it meant nothing to you
I know I say this to you every day but don’t you wonder what it’s doing to your health eating that much liver? Like, who’s really being punished here?
August 23, 2026 at 4:52 PM
I know I say this to you every day but don’t you wonder what it’s doing to your health eating that much liver? Like, who’s really being punished here?
“Sorry I need to take this” - The Gentleman Thief
August 14, 2026 at 1:22 PM
“Sorry I need to take this” - The Gentleman Thief
Star Trek font invitation regular wedding
August 13, 2026 at 12:50 AM
Star Trek font invitation regular wedding
Making a fucked up little alien dude blow in the breathalyzer so i can start my space ship
August 12, 2026 at 5:08 PM
Making a fucked up little alien dude blow in the breathalyzer so i can start my space ship
Heaven help me if I ever find the person who gave blues traveler the run-around
August 12, 2026 at 4:56 PM
Heaven help me if I ever find the person who gave blues traveler the run-around
You used to need a tape deck adapter if you wanted to drive with a mouse and keyboard
August 12, 2026 at 4:05 PM
You used to need a tape deck adapter if you wanted to drive with a mouse and keyboard