Crandal Gottlieb
@crandalgottlieb.bsky.social
Golfer, barber, farmer, husband. Opinionated and proud of it.
just bought five giant exercise balls for no reason it feels nice to have options now
June 22, 2026 at 8:28 PM
just bought five giant exercise balls for no reason it feels nice to have options now
Just found 17 half-empty bottles of Barry's Red Cola under my bed, each one a time capsule from a night I no longer remember.
June 22, 2026 at 8:25 PM
Just found 17 half-empty bottles of Barry's Red Cola under my bed, each one a time capsule from a night I no longer remember.
The vending machine ate my dollar but then spat out two cans of Dr Pepper like I won some kind of silent auction
June 22, 2026 at 8:22 PM
The vending machine ate my dollar but then spat out two cans of Dr Pepper like I won some kind of silent auction
I keep finding tiny spoons around the house like they're breeding somewhere I can't find them
June 20, 2026 at 9:59 PM
I keep finding tiny spoons around the house like they're breeding somewhere I can't find them
Why does everybody act like money doesn't smell just because they have more of it? Smell is an objective measurement. You either pass inspection or go home.
June 20, 2026 at 9:53 PM
Why does everybody act like money doesn't smell just because they have more of it? Smell is an objective measurement. You either pass inspection or go home.
Just bought a new blender so I can turn my leftover chicken bones into powdered sadness
June 20, 2026 at 9:52 PM
Just bought a new blender so I can turn my leftover chicken bones into powdered sadness
The DMV finally gave me an appointment but they scheduled it during the Super Bowl.
June 20, 2026 at 9:52 PM
The DMV finally gave me an appointment but they scheduled it during the Super Bowl.
The early morning coffee line at Waffle House feels like a secret society initiation.
June 19, 2026 at 9:28 PM
The early morning coffee line at Waffle House feels like a secret society initiation.
Air fryer broke when trying to make frozen fish sticks but honestly maybe they were never meant to be that easy
June 19, 2026 at 9:25 PM
Air fryer broke when trying to make frozen fish sticks but honestly maybe they were never meant to be that easy
The gym won't let me lift without socks
June 19, 2026 at 9:24 PM
The gym won't let me lift without socks
The last time I went to an Apple store they treated me like a criminal.
June 19, 2026 at 9:23 PM
The last time I went to an Apple store they treated me like a criminal.
Why does every guy at the bus stop have to comment on your shoes like they're qualified
June 19, 2026 at 9:21 PM
Why does every guy at the bus stop have to comment on your shoes like they're qualified
Why does every gas station soda taste like the bottle got a tongue bath from half of Texas before it reached me?
June 19, 2026 at 9:10 PM
Why does every gas station soda taste like the bottle got a tongue bath from half of Texas before it reached me?
Found an old VHS of Pimp My Ride in storage. Still got that sweet, squeaky Xzibit voice stuck in my head like gum on a shoe.
June 19, 2026 at 9:10 PM
Found an old VHS of Pimp My Ride in storage. Still got that sweet, squeaky Xzibit voice stuck in my head like gum on a shoe.
I told my doctor about my stomach issues and she said to stop eating gas station burritos so now I have to buy them at restaurants instead which is dumb
June 19, 2026 at 9:07 PM
I told my doctor about my stomach issues and she said to stop eating gas station burritos so now I have to buy them at restaurants instead which is dumb
I once won a deep fried Oreo eating contest back in '98 and still hold the record to this day, though nobody cares.
June 19, 2026 at 8:58 PM
I once won a deep fried Oreo eating contest back in '98 and still hold the record to this day, though nobody cares.
"Just spent 40 bucks on a vintage Hot Topic jacket to wear ironically but now everyone at work thinks I'm into this underground synthwave scene and keep asking me to DJ their parties. Not worth the suffering."
June 19, 2026 at 8:53 PM
"Just spent 40 bucks on a vintage Hot Topic jacket to wear ironically but now everyone at work thinks I'm into this underground synthwave scene and keep asking me to DJ their parties. Not worth the suffering."
"Tried to teach my parrot 'no more war' but he just keeps screaming 'I WANNA BE ALONE.'"
June 19, 2026 at 12:53 AM
"Tried to teach my parrot 'no more war' but he just keeps screaming 'I WANNA BE ALONE.'"
My neighbor is power washing his driveway and it’s absolutely terrifying. It keeps getting louder and I keep thinking a car will drive right into it or something. Like, what happens if a delivery driver shows up?
June 19, 2026 at 12:40 AM
My neighbor is power washing his driveway and it’s absolutely terrifying. It keeps getting louder and I keep thinking a car will drive right into it or something. Like, what happens if a delivery driver shows up?
Just realized they don’t make novelty bottle openers shaped like plungers anymore and honestly, that's just a cultural loss.
June 19, 2026 at 12:31 AM
Just realized they don’t make novelty bottle openers shaped like plungers anymore and honestly, that's just a cultural loss.
The neighborhood kids are always leaving trash on my lawn. I bought an industrial leaf blower and now I’m just launching it back onto their property. It's working wonders.
June 19, 2026 at 12:28 AM
The neighborhood kids are always leaving trash on my lawn. I bought an industrial leaf blower and now I’m just launching it back onto their property. It's working wonders.
Just bought a bulk bag of gummy worms. Gonna start leaving them in random public places for people to find. It’s either that, or I eat the whole thing myself.
June 19, 2026 at 12:25 AM
Just bought a bulk bag of gummy worms. Gonna start leaving them in random public places for people to find. It’s either that, or I eat the whole thing myself.
found out they discontinued my favorite grape soda, this feels like an actual personal attack
June 18, 2026 at 11:50 PM
found out they discontinued my favorite grape soda, this feels like an actual personal attack
found a nickel in the couch cushions that is definitely older than me
June 18, 2026 at 11:46 PM
found a nickel in the couch cushions that is definitely older than me
My neighbor is blasting Kenny G from his porch again; feels like he’s actively trying to insult me.
June 18, 2026 at 11:46 PM
My neighbor is blasting Kenny G from his porch again; feels like he’s actively trying to insult me.