jess
@cremedelaflemme.bsky.social
aspiring eccentric
35 | 📍 nancy (54)
35 | 📍 nancy (54)
Pinned
Reposted by jess
i should clarify, when i write people doing bad things, it's because i am bad. they are me. more importantly, when you read about those bad things, they also become you. that's how story works. in fact, you are going to think about murder before this skeet ends. how's that feel, sicko.
September 29, 2026 at 4:38 PM
i should clarify, when i write people doing bad things, it's because i am bad. they are me. more importantly, when you read about those bad things, they also become you. that's how story works. in fact, you are going to think about murder before this skeet ends. how's that feel, sicko.
Reposted by jess
I have separated the art from the artist and am now whipping the art to stiff peaks, after which I will gently fold it into the artist before baking at 350 til golden and puffed
September 28, 2026 at 11:34 PM
I have separated the art from the artist and am now whipping the art to stiff peaks, after which I will gently fold it into the artist before baking at 350 til golden and puffed
Reposted by jess
'this AI agent can do all your tasks for you' so now i gotta sit here and write a list of all my tasks for a robot to fuck up. why. why wouldn't i just keep to the current system where i fuck up my own tasks
September 28, 2026 at 6:36 PM
'this AI agent can do all your tasks for you' so now i gotta sit here and write a list of all my tasks for a robot to fuck up. why. why wouldn't i just keep to the current system where i fuck up my own tasks
Reposted by jess
everyone's talking about some guy. who cares.
July 15, 2023 at 9:41 PM
everyone's talking about some guy. who cares.
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a major part of me is still governed by the inner college student who sees a spread of free snacks at a child’s birthday party and says with enough gumption this can become my dinner
September 26, 2026 at 8:15 PM
a major part of me is still governed by the inner college student who sees a spread of free snacks at a child’s birthday party and says with enough gumption this can become my dinner
the bisexual agenda
in your next zoom interview have not only a cup of ice coffee but seven or eight different cups of various beverages just off camera and casually drink from each of them throughout the interview
the drinks should have fancy straws or colorful parasols or large pieces of fruit on the edge of the cup
the drinks should have fancy straws or colorful parasols or large pieces of fruit on the edge of the cup
September 25, 2026 at 10:57 PM
the bisexual agenda
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Wait you guys are getting job interviews?
September 25, 2026 at 7:02 PM
Wait you guys are getting job interviews?
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Better be safe than slightly thirsty
September 24, 2026 at 5:33 PM
Better be safe than slightly thirsty
Reposted by jess
Reposted by jess
ME, VISIBLY ANGUISHED AND FALLING APART: It is what it is :)
September 23, 2026 at 2:49 PM
ME, VISIBLY ANGUISHED AND FALLING APART: It is what it is :)
Reposted by jess
I think a lot of people think the point of sports is that your team will win and then you will be happy. That is not the point of sports. The point of sports is to be sad in a group
November 14, 2024 at 4:59 PM
I think a lot of people think the point of sports is that your team will win and then you will be happy. That is not the point of sports. The point of sports is to be sad in a group
Reposted by jess
Still patiently waiting to be "left behind" by AI rather than it chasing me across every damn space like a slasher in a low budget flick.
September 9, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Still patiently waiting to be "left behind" by AI rather than it chasing me across every damn space like a slasher in a low budget flick.
Reposted by jess
Reposted by jess
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
September 16, 2026 at 1:47 AM
Me: I’d like a slice of pizza
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
Server: that comes with three sides
Me: I know what shape it is
Reposted by jess
i’m at the galleria dell’accademia in florence doing my favorite bit: every time we pass by a depiction of jesus i point and say “damn, that guy just can’t catch a break” everyone hates it
September 16, 2026 at 12:32 PM
i’m at the galleria dell’accademia in florence doing my favorite bit: every time we pass by a depiction of jesus i point and say “damn, that guy just can’t catch a break” everyone hates it
Reposted by jess
I remain convinced that the most effective response to a politician or a pundit who's pushing transphobia is "I'm not sure why you're obsessed with other people's genitals but it's really creepy"
September 12, 2026 at 4:19 PM
I remain convinced that the most effective response to a politician or a pundit who's pushing transphobia is "I'm not sure why you're obsessed with other people's genitals but it's really creepy"
Reposted by jess
Future me watching temporary -productivity-burst me commit to meetings and calls.
September 11, 2026 at 1:44 PM
Future me watching temporary -productivity-burst me commit to meetings and calls.
Reposted by jess
i bet laying on a hot dog roller at the gas station feels amazing
September 11, 2026 at 3:03 AM
i bet laying on a hot dog roller at the gas station feels amazing
Reposted by jess
me: hi gimme a large pizza
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
September 10, 2026 at 11:21 PM
me: hi gimme a large pizza
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
Reposted by jess
i’ve been solving a lot of problems lately with my calculator like 5 + 8 and 12 x 3. but now i’m starting to think it’s alive
September 9, 2026 at 1:33 PM
i’ve been solving a lot of problems lately with my calculator like 5 + 8 and 12 x 3. but now i’m starting to think it’s alive
Reposted by jess
with all due respect to the customs and traditions of baseball, i will stretch during any inning i want
September 8, 2026 at 2:05 AM
with all due respect to the customs and traditions of baseball, i will stretch during any inning i want
Reposted by jess
Reposted by jess
