The Real Comptroller
@damnear50.bsky.social
I have many pets. They are all very heavy.
The story is too long to write here, right now, I gotta go. But the point is, when they asked me for a picture, I sent them a screenshot of a girl bending over and spreading open her- well, you know and, I gotta go, but I thought it was so funny. I still do.
February 17, 2025 at 12:40 AM
The story is too long to write here, right now, I gotta go. But the point is, when they asked me for a picture, I sent them a screenshot of a girl bending over and spreading open her- well, you know and, I gotta go, but I thought it was so funny. I still do.
“Little Miss Riding Shotgun”
is my porn animal.
is my porn animal.
February 17, 2025 at 12:25 AM
“Little Miss Riding Shotgun”
is my porn animal.
is my porn animal.
I’m so depressed, because my life is falling apart at so many seams, that I can’t even think of a funny way to describe it anymore.
I’m in my ‘wakka wakka wakka’ phase.
I’m in my ‘wakka wakka wakka’ phase.
November 25, 2024 at 12:47 AM
I’m so depressed, because my life is falling apart at so many seams, that I can’t even think of a funny way to describe it anymore.
I’m in my ‘wakka wakka wakka’ phase.
I’m in my ‘wakka wakka wakka’ phase.
Seamen…
Semen…
Cement…
Which came first and harder?
Semen…
Cement…
Which came first and harder?
November 9, 2024 at 9:53 PM
Seamen…
Semen…
Cement…
Which came first and harder?
Semen…
Cement…
Which came first and harder?
As I write this, Fahrenheit 11/9 is free to view in it’s entirety on YT. I think I just watched it for the first time… I wish I’d seen it years ago. If you haven’t seen it, please do. I had no idea how right I was about Hitler and history repeating itself.
November 3, 2024 at 1:15 AM
As I write this, Fahrenheit 11/9 is free to view in it’s entirety on YT. I think I just watched it for the first time… I wish I’d seen it years ago. If you haven’t seen it, please do. I had no idea how right I was about Hitler and history repeating itself.
Dream.
M/cycle race.
Podium: 2 1 3 on ground, unzip leathers h/way.
All lay on bellies, 1st is given dolly roller.
All race forwards 10 yards, 1st wins. 2&3 have scuffed leathers, 1st is fine, cheers.
1st, unzips ALL the way, pulls leathers down to ankles; monster dong.
All cheer
Me: m-monster dong
M/cycle race.
Podium: 2 1 3 on ground, unzip leathers h/way.
All lay on bellies, 1st is given dolly roller.
All race forwards 10 yards, 1st wins. 2&3 have scuffed leathers, 1st is fine, cheers.
1st, unzips ALL the way, pulls leathers down to ankles; monster dong.
All cheer
Me: m-monster dong
cheers.like
October 30, 2024 at 10:54 PM
Dream.
M/cycle race.
Podium: 2 1 3 on ground, unzip leathers h/way.
All lay on bellies, 1st is given dolly roller.
All race forwards 10 yards, 1st wins. 2&3 have scuffed leathers, 1st is fine, cheers.
1st, unzips ALL the way, pulls leathers down to ankles; monster dong.
All cheer
Me: m-monster dong
M/cycle race.
Podium: 2 1 3 on ground, unzip leathers h/way.
All lay on bellies, 1st is given dolly roller.
All race forwards 10 yards, 1st wins. 2&3 have scuffed leathers, 1st is fine, cheers.
1st, unzips ALL the way, pulls leathers down to ankles; monster dong.
All cheer
Me: m-monster dong
To my fans: If I ever get really famous (I’m already big …careful what ya wish for -am I right?), just know that I’m going to call you all ‘Stupid Pigs’; please, don’t be offended, I’m just doing a bit.
October 30, 2024 at 10:28 PM
To my fans: If I ever get really famous (I’m already big …careful what ya wish for -am I right?), just know that I’m going to call you all ‘Stupid Pigs’; please, don’t be offended, I’m just doing a bit.
Was his name REALLY Mr Bojangles?
October 30, 2024 at 4:33 AM
Was his name REALLY Mr Bojangles?
My Girlfriend: You should shave and brush your teeth, if not for me, do it for your NEXT girlfriend; you’re really letting yourself go.
Me: Covers one nostril and blows snot all down the front of my shirt, certain my big belly will catch it all and it won’t get on her dashboard or steering wheel.
Me: Covers one nostril and blows snot all down the front of my shirt, certain my big belly will catch it all and it won’t get on her dashboard or steering wheel.
October 30, 2024 at 3:09 AM
My Girlfriend: You should shave and brush your teeth, if not for me, do it for your NEXT girlfriend; you’re really letting yourself go.
Me: Covers one nostril and blows snot all down the front of my shirt, certain my big belly will catch it all and it won’t get on her dashboard or steering wheel.
Me: Covers one nostril and blows snot all down the front of my shirt, certain my big belly will catch it all and it won’t get on her dashboard or steering wheel.
Was feeling good; my daughter hugged me round my middle and said I’d lost weight, coz her hands overlapped around the back… whereas before, only her fingertips could touch.
Next day, I thought oh… her arms have probably just grown longer.
Next day, I thought oh… her arms have probably just grown longer.
October 29, 2024 at 11:51 PM
Was feeling good; my daughter hugged me round my middle and said I’d lost weight, coz her hands overlapped around the back… whereas before, only her fingertips could touch.
Next day, I thought oh… her arms have probably just grown longer.
Next day, I thought oh… her arms have probably just grown longer.
To any artist, looking for an idea to draw, may I suggest: Nuclear Fishin’.
October 29, 2024 at 11:17 PM
To any artist, looking for an idea to draw, may I suggest: Nuclear Fishin’.
People eating pizza with a fork are insane. Not me, though; I use, two forks.
October 29, 2024 at 10:56 PM
People eating pizza with a fork are insane. Not me, though; I use, two forks.
Was just blindsided by my own worst enemy. It’s been me, this whole time.
October 29, 2024 at 10:24 PM
Was just blindsided by my own worst enemy. It’s been me, this whole time.
Saw a hapless, scruffy dog the other day and I said “that dog puts the ‘poo’ in ‘poodle’” and my daughter said that wasn’t very nice. Hey… ah, she’s right. I apologised. We’re fine. I made chicken nuggets AND mac n cheese (with bacon).
October 29, 2024 at 10:01 PM
Saw a hapless, scruffy dog the other day and I said “that dog puts the ‘poo’ in ‘poodle’” and my daughter said that wasn’t very nice. Hey… ah, she’s right. I apologised. We’re fine. I made chicken nuggets AND mac n cheese (with bacon).
Me: I’m over looking up porn on that website and risking viruses; I’m a just go on YouTube and type in ‘big ass’.
Also me: …No, that’s TOO big…
Also me: …No, that’s TOO big…
October 24, 2024 at 4:32 AM
Me: I’m over looking up porn on that website and risking viruses; I’m a just go on YouTube and type in ‘big ass’.
Also me: …No, that’s TOO big…
Also me: …No, that’s TOO big…
I wonder if nudist colonies are like beer gardens, where they have cute nicknames for some months; like Nudevember or Nudecember. Or whether they’re just like “stop making up nicknames for the months and get yer kit off”! “Yeah! We didn’t open this colony for WORDplay… we wanna show you our junk”!
October 24, 2024 at 3:12 AM
I wonder if nudist colonies are like beer gardens, where they have cute nicknames for some months; like Nudevember or Nudecember. Or whether they’re just like “stop making up nicknames for the months and get yer kit off”! “Yeah! We didn’t open this colony for WORDplay… we wanna show you our junk”!
I’m sure almost everyone has a ‘giving money to a bum’ story, but the last guy who asked me for change, asked for $3.40… to buy some beer. I said “no, but I have… $1.70…” and he screwed up his face and huffed. He didn’t even WANT it! Good thing too, coz by that time, he wasn’t GETTIN’ it.
October 24, 2024 at 2:38 AM
I’m sure almost everyone has a ‘giving money to a bum’ story, but the last guy who asked me for change, asked for $3.40… to buy some beer. I said “no, but I have… $1.70…” and he screwed up his face and huffed. He didn’t even WANT it! Good thing too, coz by that time, he wasn’t GETTIN’ it.
I’m gradually getting grosser. Like now, when I pick my toenail scabs and jams and sniff it to see if it smells… it does, but, maybe that’s just my fingers, I can’t even tell, anymore. And lazy? Don’t even get me started.
October 24, 2024 at 1:55 AM
I’m gradually getting grosser. Like now, when I pick my toenail scabs and jams and sniff it to see if it smells… it does, but, maybe that’s just my fingers, I can’t even tell, anymore. And lazy? Don’t even get me started.
So many things, we take for granted these days; like the word Podunk, for sure the person who said that first, did NOT read it in a dictionary.
October 24, 2024 at 1:50 AM
So many things, we take for granted these days; like the word Podunk, for sure the person who said that first, did NOT read it in a dictionary.