Fake Metro Trains
@fakemetrotrains.bsky.social
The official parody Metro Trains Melbourne account. #MetroTrains
@[email protected] on Mastodon.
@fakemetrotrains on Twitter/X.
@[email protected] on Mastodon.
@fakemetrotrains on Twitter/X.
Throwback Thursday!
This Peter J Vincent pic shows Frankston Station as it appeared in the late 1970s.
We're not sure if the gates in the foreground were part of the level crossing or there to help keep the local bogans out. Probably the latter.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Peter J Vincent pic shows Frankston Station as it appeared in the late 1970s.
We're not sure if the gates in the foreground were part of the level crossing or there to help keep the local bogans out. Probably the latter.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
October 8, 2026 at 6:30 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This Peter J Vincent pic shows Frankston Station as it appeared in the late 1970s.
We're not sure if the gates in the foreground were part of the level crossing or there to help keep the local bogans out. Probably the latter.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Peter J Vincent pic shows Frankston Station as it appeared in the late 1970s.
We're not sure if the gates in the foreground were part of the level crossing or there to help keep the local bogans out. Probably the latter.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Due to the increasing cost of diesel all Myki fares will incur a $1 fuel surcharge from tomorrow.
Yes, our trains are fully electric, however we still feel justified in adding the diesel surcharge.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
#MetroTrains
Yes, our trains are fully electric, however we still feel justified in adding the diesel surcharge.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
#MetroTrains
October 7, 2026 at 6:30 AM
Due to the increasing cost of diesel all Myki fares will incur a $1 fuel surcharge from tomorrow.
Yes, our trains are fully electric, however we still feel justified in adding the diesel surcharge.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
#MetroTrains
Yes, our trains are fully electric, however we still feel justified in adding the diesel surcharge.
Thank you for your co-operation in this matter.
#MetroTrains
Daylight Saving Time starts tomorrow.
A reminder to turn your Myki forward at 2am. Or back at 2am. Better yet, shove your Myki up your arse at 2am.
#MetroTrains
A reminder to turn your Myki forward at 2am. Or back at 2am. Better yet, shove your Myki up your arse at 2am.
#MetroTrains
October 3, 2026 at 7:30 AM
Daylight Saving Time starts tomorrow.
A reminder to turn your Myki forward at 2am. Or back at 2am. Better yet, shove your Myki up your arse at 2am.
#MetroTrains
A reminder to turn your Myki forward at 2am. Or back at 2am. Better yet, shove your Myki up your arse at 2am.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne (and Sydney)!
A shoutout to our friends up north who today are retiring the K sets with a final public farewell run. The last service will operate Central to Hornsby before terminating at Olympic Park.
www.transport.nsw.gov.au/news-and-eve...
#MetroTrains
A shoutout to our friends up north who today are retiring the K sets with a final public farewell run. The last service will operate Central to Hornsby before terminating at Olympic Park.
www.transport.nsw.gov.au/news-and-eve...
#MetroTrains
October 1, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Good morning Melbourne (and Sydney)!
A shoutout to our friends up north who today are retiring the K sets with a final public farewell run. The last service will operate Central to Hornsby before terminating at Olympic Park.
www.transport.nsw.gov.au/news-and-eve...
#MetroTrains
A shoutout to our friends up north who today are retiring the K sets with a final public farewell run. The last service will operate Central to Hornsby before terminating at Olympic Park.
www.transport.nsw.gov.au/news-and-eve...
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980s Graeme Rayson pic shows a Hitachi at the former Galvin Station on the Werribee line.
There have been calls for this closed station to reopen due to population growth in the area. We considered the idea and said "nah, fuck that".
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This c1980s Graeme Rayson pic shows a Hitachi at the former Galvin Station on the Werribee line.
There have been calls for this closed station to reopen due to population growth in the area. We considered the idea and said "nah, fuck that".
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
October 1, 2026 at 7:20 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980s Graeme Rayson pic shows a Hitachi at the former Galvin Station on the Werribee line.
There have been calls for this closed station to reopen due to population growth in the area. We considered the idea and said "nah, fuck that".
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This c1980s Graeme Rayson pic shows a Hitachi at the former Galvin Station on the Werribee line.
There have been calls for this closed station to reopen due to population growth in the area. We considered the idea and said "nah, fuck that".
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
Good morning Melbourne!
In line with new requirements from today we are not adding a payment surcharge to Myki top-ups performed via credit card. We weren't previously, but we're also not doing so from today.
We hope this post has been useful.
#MetroTrains
In line with new requirements from today we are not adding a payment surcharge to Myki top-ups performed via credit card. We weren't previously, but we're also not doing so from today.
We hope this post has been useful.
#MetroTrains
September 30, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Good morning Melbourne!
In line with new requirements from today we are not adding a payment surcharge to Myki top-ups performed via credit card. We weren't previously, but we're also not doing so from today.
We hope this post has been useful.
#MetroTrains
In line with new requirements from today we are not adding a payment surcharge to Myki top-ups performed via credit card. We weren't previously, but we're also not doing so from today.
We hope this post has been useful.
#MetroTrains
Metro 5.30pm Update:
All lines running well this afternoon with no disruptions or incidents.
As you’re all enjoying a nice ride home tonight we hope you all stub your toes on a piece of furniture.
#MetroTrains
All lines running well this afternoon with no disruptions or incidents.
As you’re all enjoying a nice ride home tonight we hope you all stub your toes on a piece of furniture.
#MetroTrains
September 29, 2026 at 7:30 AM
Metro 5.30pm Update:
All lines running well this afternoon with no disruptions or incidents.
As you’re all enjoying a nice ride home tonight we hope you all stub your toes on a piece of furniture.
#MetroTrains
All lines running well this afternoon with no disruptions or incidents.
As you’re all enjoying a nice ride home tonight we hope you all stub your toes on a piece of furniture.
#MetroTrains
Now the match is over, we're running extra services from the MCG to help all of you interstate cunts fuck off back home.
Thanks and bye.
#MetroTrains #AFLGF2026
Thanks and bye.
#MetroTrains #AFLGF2026
September 26, 2026 at 7:15 AM
Now the match is over, we're running extra services from the MCG to help all of you interstate cunts fuck off back home.
Thanks and bye.
#MetroTrains #AFLGF2026
Thanks and bye.
#MetroTrains #AFLGF2026
Good: Football fans from two different states coming to experience our great city and all it has to offer.
Better: Double the opportunity to fine out-of-state visitors who don't understand how Myki works.
#MetroTrains
Better: Double the opportunity to fine out-of-state visitors who don't understand how Myki works.
#MetroTrains
September 26, 2026 at 1:00 AM
Good: Football fans from two different states coming to experience our great city and all it has to offer.
Better: Double the opportunity to fine out-of-state visitors who don't understand how Myki works.
#MetroTrains
Better: Double the opportunity to fine out-of-state visitors who don't understand how Myki works.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
We're running additional services to get you to/from the Kylie Minogue concert at the MCG this afternoon. You might even want to stick around for some ball game that's happening too.
#MetroTrains
We're running additional services to get you to/from the Kylie Minogue concert at the MCG this afternoon. You might even want to stick around for some ball game that's happening too.
#MetroTrains
September 25, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Good morning Melbourne!
We're running additional services to get you to/from the Kylie Minogue concert at the MCG this afternoon. You might even want to stick around for some ball game that's happening too.
#MetroTrains
We're running additional services to get you to/from the Kylie Minogue concert at the MCG this afternoon. You might even want to stick around for some ball game that's happening too.
#MetroTrains
September 24, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Throwback Thursday!
This Weston Langford pic shows Upfield Station as it appeared in 1959.
At the time the surrounding area was a desolate wasteland.
Today, it's much the same, just with more kebab shops.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Weston Langford pic shows Upfield Station as it appeared in 1959.
At the time the surrounding area was a desolate wasteland.
Today, it's much the same, just with more kebab shops.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 24, 2026 at 7:15 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This Weston Langford pic shows Upfield Station as it appeared in 1959.
At the time the surrounding area was a desolate wasteland.
Today, it's much the same, just with more kebab shops.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Weston Langford pic shows Upfield Station as it appeared in 1959.
At the time the surrounding area was a desolate wasteland.
Today, it's much the same, just with more kebab shops.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 23, 2026 at 10:20 PM
Metro 5.30pm Update:
All lines running well with no delays or cancellations.
If someone on a train could have a massive heart attack or something right now and cause a delay we’d really appreciate it.
#MetroTrains
All lines running well with no delays or cancellations.
If someone on a train could have a massive heart attack or something right now and cause a delay we’d really appreciate it.
#MetroTrains
September 23, 2026 at 7:30 AM
Metro 5.30pm Update:
All lines running well with no delays or cancellations.
If someone on a train could have a massive heart attack or something right now and cause a delay we’d really appreciate it.
#MetroTrains
All lines running well with no delays or cancellations.
If someone on a train could have a massive heart attack or something right now and cause a delay we’d really appreciate it.
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980 GEHS pic shows the gatekeeper's hut near Glenhuntly.
At a time where level crossing gates were manually operated, these huts provided not only shelter for gatekeepers, but also a place for a cheeky wank between trains.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This c1980 GEHS pic shows the gatekeeper's hut near Glenhuntly.
At a time where level crossing gates were manually operated, these huts provided not only shelter for gatekeepers, but also a place for a cheeky wank between trains.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 17, 2026 at 7:18 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This c1980 GEHS pic shows the gatekeeper's hut near Glenhuntly.
At a time where level crossing gates were manually operated, these huts provided not only shelter for gatekeepers, but also a place for a cheeky wank between trains.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This c1980 GEHS pic shows the gatekeeper's hut near Glenhuntly.
At a time where level crossing gates were manually operated, these huts provided not only shelter for gatekeepers, but also a place for a cheeky wank between trains.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 16, 2026 at 7:35 AM
Good morning Melbourne!
Extensive delays and cancellations may be experienced across the network as we upgrade our fleet to trainOS 27.
Your patience is appreciated.
#MetroTrains
Extensive delays and cancellations may be experienced across the network as we upgrade our fleet to trainOS 27.
Your patience is appreciated.
#MetroTrains
September 14, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Good morning Melbourne!
Extensive delays and cancellations may be experienced across the network as we upgrade our fleet to trainOS 27.
Your patience is appreciated.
#MetroTrains
Extensive delays and cancellations may be experienced across the network as we upgrade our fleet to trainOS 27.
Your patience is appreciated.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
It’s a new week and you can all go fuck yourselves in the mouth. Thanks.
#MetroTrains
It’s a new week and you can all go fuck yourselves in the mouth. Thanks.
#MetroTrains
September 13, 2026 at 10:30 PM
Good morning Melbourne!
It’s a new week and you can all go fuck yourselves in the mouth. Thanks.
#MetroTrains
It’s a new week and you can all go fuck yourselves in the mouth. Thanks.
#MetroTrains
Throwback Thursday!
This Sept 1984 pic (photog unkwn) shows an ex-Port Melbourne Hitachi set crossing Sandridge Bridge.
Today, this line is serviced by trams. Which are stinky, extremely slow and generally great at sucking arse. Fuck trams.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Sept 1984 pic (photog unkwn) shows an ex-Port Melbourne Hitachi set crossing Sandridge Bridge.
Today, this line is serviced by trams. Which are stinky, extremely slow and generally great at sucking arse. Fuck trams.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 10, 2026 at 7:15 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This Sept 1984 pic (photog unkwn) shows an ex-Port Melbourne Hitachi set crossing Sandridge Bridge.
Today, this line is serviced by trams. Which are stinky, extremely slow and generally great at sucking arse. Fuck trams.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Sept 1984 pic (photog unkwn) shows an ex-Port Melbourne Hitachi set crossing Sandridge Bridge.
Today, this line is serviced by trams. Which are stinky, extremely slow and generally great at sucking arse. Fuck trams.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
We’re pleased to announce the new Myki Duo - a compact Myki that folds out in two.
Available in black or white and starting at $3,499, it does everything the current Myki does but screams “I bought this because I’m a massive wanker!”
#MetroTrains
Available in black or white and starting at $3,499, it does everything the current Myki does but screams “I bought this because I’m a massive wanker!”
#MetroTrains
September 9, 2026 at 10:30 PM
We’re pleased to announce the new Myki Duo - a compact Myki that folds out in two.
Available in black or white and starting at $3,499, it does everything the current Myki does but screams “I bought this because I’m a massive wanker!”
#MetroTrains
Available in black or white and starting at $3,499, it does everything the current Myki does but screams “I bought this because I’m a massive wanker!”
#MetroTrains
September 9, 2026 at 7:00 AM
Going serious here.
This is a completely fucking bullshit cunt response from Metro Trains.
Multiple safety protocols failed.
Don't fucking lowkey victim-blame, deflect responsibility and say you'll "conduct a review". Jesus fucking Christ.
#MetroTrains
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-09...
This is a completely fucking bullshit cunt response from Metro Trains.
Multiple safety protocols failed.
Don't fucking lowkey victim-blame, deflect responsibility and say you'll "conduct a review". Jesus fucking Christ.
#MetroTrains
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-09...
Guide dog dragged by train along Flinders Street Station platform
Metro Trains apologises after a train failed to stop as it started dragging a guide dog along the station platform when its leash became caught in a train door.
www.abc.net.au
September 4, 2026 at 8:50 AM
Going serious here.
This is a completely fucking bullshit cunt response from Metro Trains.
Multiple safety protocols failed.
Don't fucking lowkey victim-blame, deflect responsibility and say you'll "conduct a review". Jesus fucking Christ.
#MetroTrains
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-09...
This is a completely fucking bullshit cunt response from Metro Trains.
Multiple safety protocols failed.
Don't fucking lowkey victim-blame, deflect responsibility and say you'll "conduct a review". Jesus fucking Christ.
#MetroTrains
www.abc.net.au/news/2026-09...
Throwback Thursday!
This Aug 1983 NSW Archives pic shows the launch of the inaugural Sydney-Canberra XPT service.
Yep, we're going with this: someone got so excited they ejaculated over the front of the train.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Aug 1983 NSW Archives pic shows the launch of the inaugural Sydney-Canberra XPT service.
Yep, we're going with this: someone got so excited they ejaculated over the front of the train.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
September 3, 2026 at 7:15 AM
Throwback Thursday!
This Aug 1983 NSW Archives pic shows the launch of the inaugural Sydney-Canberra XPT service.
Yep, we're going with this: someone got so excited they ejaculated over the front of the train.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
This Aug 1983 NSW Archives pic shows the launch of the inaugural Sydney-Canberra XPT service.
Yep, we're going with this: someone got so excited they ejaculated over the front of the train.
#MetroTrains #ThrowbackThursday
The Victorian Liberal Party have today stated they will build 25 hybrid trains to service western lines if elected in November.
We can only assume they mean something like this.
#MetroTrains
We can only assume they mean something like this.
#MetroTrains
September 1, 2026 at 7:20 AM
The Victorian Liberal Party have today stated they will build 25 hybrid trains to service western lines if elected in November.
We can only assume they mean something like this.
#MetroTrains
We can only assume they mean something like this.
#MetroTrains
Good morning Melbourne!
Due to industrial action buses will replace trains Dandenong-Cranbourne and Watergardens-Sunbury until further notice.
We see this as bonus outdoor time! Fresh air, traffic views and a chance to really sit with your thoughts.
#MetroTrains
Due to industrial action buses will replace trains Dandenong-Cranbourne and Watergardens-Sunbury until further notice.
We see this as bonus outdoor time! Fresh air, traffic views and a chance to really sit with your thoughts.
#MetroTrains
August 31, 2026 at 10:15 PM
Good morning Melbourne!
Due to industrial action buses will replace trains Dandenong-Cranbourne and Watergardens-Sunbury until further notice.
We see this as bonus outdoor time! Fresh air, traffic views and a chance to really sit with your thoughts.
#MetroTrains
Due to industrial action buses will replace trains Dandenong-Cranbourne and Watergardens-Sunbury until further notice.
We see this as bonus outdoor time! Fresh air, traffic views and a chance to really sit with your thoughts.
#MetroTrains