Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
@foxult.bsky.social
Teacher. Feckless gadabout. Asparagus hater.
Pinned
When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
I'm always surprised when a mother of 3-or-more boys is not a raging alcoholic.
September 29, 2026 at 12:04 PM
I'm always surprised when a mother of 3-or-more boys is not a raging alcoholic.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Yes, obviously it's a tuxedo t-shirt. We're at a wedding, Sharon.
September 28, 2026 at 1:11 PM
Yes, obviously it's a tuxedo t-shirt. We're at a wedding, Sharon.
Showing my daughters Child's Play when they were young saved me a ton of money buying them dolls.
September 28, 2026 at 11:59 AM
Showing my daughters Child's Play when they were young saved me a ton of money buying them dolls.
The U.S. obesity epidemic could be solved with a good old-fashioned dysentery epidemic.
September 28, 2026 at 11:58 AM
The U.S. obesity epidemic could be solved with a good old-fashioned dysentery epidemic.
Feels like a good day to see a couple of lazy dogs.
September 27, 2026 at 1:44 PM
Feels like a good day to see a couple of lazy dogs.
Getting older is all about realizing how much more is out there that can kill you.
September 27, 2026 at 11:39 AM
Getting older is all about realizing how much more is out there that can kill you.
The true Walk of Shame is when you have to walk back into Subway with wet pants after spilling your drink on yourself in the parking lot.
September 26, 2026 at 11:46 AM
The true Walk of Shame is when you have to walk back into Subway with wet pants after spilling your drink on yourself in the parking lot.
For my money, the best song about a headless Thompson gunner is still "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner."
September 25, 2026 at 4:05 PM
For my money, the best song about a headless Thompson gunner is still "Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner."
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Sorry for the way I’m dressed I have karate class after the funeral
September 25, 2026 at 2:29 PM
Sorry for the way I’m dressed I have karate class after the funeral
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I got word to activate the sleeper agent with a code phrase, but I forgot what it was. I've been at this Aldi for 5 hours, saying stuff like "infinite street tacos" and "cyborg unity promise" at the kid trying to shelve canned peas.
September 25, 2026 at 2:23 PM
I got word to activate the sleeper agent with a code phrase, but I forgot what it was. I've been at this Aldi for 5 hours, saying stuff like "infinite street tacos" and "cyborg unity promise" at the kid trying to shelve canned peas.
Jonny Quest gave me the unrealistic hope that some day I'd run into someone walking a giant komodo dragon on a leash.
September 25, 2026 at 11:45 AM
Jonny Quest gave me the unrealistic hope that some day I'd run into someone walking a giant komodo dragon on a leash.
On the plus side, if you're an animal hoarder, no one wants to steal anything from your house.
September 25, 2026 at 11:41 AM
On the plus side, if you're an animal hoarder, no one wants to steal anything from your house.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I hate when you meet someone and everything is going great and then they ask you to answer their riddles three
September 22, 2026 at 2:03 PM
I hate when you meet someone and everything is going great and then they ask you to answer their riddles three
Breaching is just whales giving tourists the finger.
September 21, 2026 at 12:00 PM
Breaching is just whales giving tourists the finger.
Pro tip: Choose the richest people you know to be your kid's "emergency contact," then let them pay the medical bills.
September 21, 2026 at 11:58 AM
Pro tip: Choose the richest people you know to be your kid's "emergency contact," then let them pay the medical bills.
"There's nothing in this dishwasher full of clean dishes that can't wait until someone else unloads them."
- everyone in my house
- everyone in my house
September 19, 2026 at 9:34 AM
"There's nothing in this dishwasher full of clean dishes that can't wait until someone else unloads them."
- everyone in my house
- everyone in my house
Is there anything shadier than financial services advertised on sports talk radio?
September 19, 2026 at 9:34 AM
Is there anything shadier than financial services advertised on sports talk radio?
I should teach my daughter how to drive a stick shift, but then she would be able to drive my car. You can see my dilemma.
September 17, 2026 at 11:22 AM
I should teach my daughter how to drive a stick shift, but then she would be able to drive my car. You can see my dilemma.
Fun fact: In America in the 1800's, every woman was married to a Methodist minister and bore 8 children.
September 17, 2026 at 11:19 AM
Fun fact: In America in the 1800's, every woman was married to a Methodist minister and bore 8 children.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
damn shawty you're sorta doing that without the express written consent of major league baseball
September 15, 2026 at 1:35 PM
damn shawty you're sorta doing that without the express written consent of major league baseball
NFL coaches need to watch pregame shows, so they'll know their O needs to establish a run game and their D needs to stop the run game.
September 13, 2026 at 10:58 AM
NFL coaches need to watch pregame shows, so they'll know their O needs to establish a run game and their D needs to stop the run game.
In the 1890s, Frederic Remington's lunch would often rot while he painted a picture of it to show his followers.
September 10, 2026 at 11:49 AM
In the 1890s, Frederic Remington's lunch would often rot while he painted a picture of it to show his followers.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
They turned my account into a spirit Halloween
September 9, 2026 at 10:54 AM
They turned my account into a spirit Halloween
My daughter told me, "You're so old that when your class did International Day [a 6th grade celebration of various countries], you all did Pangaea."
September 9, 2026 at 11:46 AM
My daughter told me, "You're so old that when your class did International Day [a 6th grade celebration of various countries], you all did Pangaea."