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@hyalophoran.bsky.social
jay/cj | 30 | white | ♑ | he/him (tme)
please dont follow if you're under 18! not a nsfw acct but i make adult jokez
please dont follow if you're under 18! not a nsfw acct but i make adult jokez
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@hyalophoran.bsky.social
· Jul 5
im the fourth dimensional beings' favorite primitive organism to psychologically torture ✌️😜
a lot of mental health platitudes piss me off but oh man the one thats like "you wont feel this way forever" especially pmo because i -have- felt this way forever, i -have- been suffering endlessly since the day i was born and i have never been able to see an escape to it that involves me living
September 13, 2026 at 8:18 AM
a lot of mental health platitudes piss me off but oh man the one thats like "you wont feel this way forever" especially pmo because i -have- felt this way forever, i -have- been suffering endlessly since the day i was born and i have never been able to see an escape to it that involves me living
my parents didnt bother to raise me kindly or treat me like anything but a nuisance and money out of their pockets so they dont get the friendly rapport with their adult child, they dont get grandchildren, they dont get a happy family. i didnt get a happy family, why should i give it to them?
September 5, 2026 at 12:34 PM
my parents didnt bother to raise me kindly or treat me like anything but a nuisance and money out of their pockets so they dont get the friendly rapport with their adult child, they dont get grandchildren, they dont get a happy family. i didnt get a happy family, why should i give it to them?
white knuckling my fork in an attempt to resist hurting myself in public with it because i can and will hurt myself with anything
August 21, 2026 at 6:28 AM
white knuckling my fork in an attempt to resist hurting myself in public with it because i can and will hurt myself with anything
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ragebaiting my fat wolfos
February 25, 2026 at 11:24 PM
ragebaiting my fat wolfos
luckily my body fully killed any ability to feel happy or excited or any positive emotion so it could make the negative ones feel exponentially worse and a million times heightened
July 23, 2026 at 2:44 PM
luckily my body fully killed any ability to feel happy or excited or any positive emotion so it could make the negative ones feel exponentially worse and a million times heightened
ive never in my life felt fully completely present but these past few years have made the feeling worse, and especially recently i just dont feel im here at all. i dont know where i am or who i am. i feel disconnected from my past, im not experiencing the present, and i dont have a future
July 23, 2026 at 2:41 PM
ive never in my life felt fully completely present but these past few years have made the feeling worse, and especially recently i just dont feel im here at all. i dont know where i am or who i am. i feel disconnected from my past, im not experiencing the present, and i dont have a future
talked to my dad for the first time in a couple years because my uncle passed on saturday. he was nice but i only felt dread. feel like he wasnt really listening to me or understanding when i was saying ive been having a really hard time since we last talked. everything feels bad and weird
July 23, 2026 at 2:36 PM
talked to my dad for the first time in a couple years because my uncle passed on saturday. he was nice but i only felt dread. feel like he wasnt really listening to me or understanding when i was saying ive been having a really hard time since we last talked. everything feels bad and weird
i have all kinds of different intrusive thoughts, as one does, but it seems like the most persistent ones have to do with incredibly graphic eye trauma
stuck in it right now and man i wish i could make it stop
stuck in it right now and man i wish i could make it stop
July 19, 2026 at 10:58 PM
i have all kinds of different intrusive thoughts, as one does, but it seems like the most persistent ones have to do with incredibly graphic eye trauma
stuck in it right now and man i wish i could make it stop
stuck in it right now and man i wish i could make it stop
to celebrate the 250th anniversary of this wretched country i will hurt myself as punishment for being alive
July 4, 2026 at 12:27 PM
to celebrate the 250th anniversary of this wretched country i will hurt myself as punishment for being alive
not being able to get drunk or high is another aspect of god's suffering game hes put me in so i have to rawdog my miserable life fully sober
June 29, 2026 at 11:31 AM
not being able to get drunk or high is another aspect of god's suffering game hes put me in so i have to rawdog my miserable life fully sober
its a sad comfort to know im not alone in the world with the type of hurt and sadness and loneliness i feel all the time
June 29, 2026 at 7:02 AM
its a sad comfort to know im not alone in the world with the type of hurt and sadness and loneliness i feel all the time
i get so angry when im sad i feel like a wounded animal. effexor made the anger more tolerable i really need to get medicated again
June 25, 2026 at 1:28 PM
i get so angry when im sad i feel like a wounded animal. effexor made the anger more tolerable i really need to get medicated again
the way qifreys situation resolves will determine whether i deserve to kill myself or not. its a mystery tool that will help us later
June 12, 2026 at 6:59 AM
the way qifreys situation resolves will determine whether i deserve to kill myself or not. its a mystery tool that will help us later
the method of "if you are going to think of the worst possible outcome you must consider the best possible outcome as well" doesnt work for me cause the things that actually do happen to me in reality are worse than the worst thing i can think of
May 29, 2026 at 11:41 AM
the method of "if you are going to think of the worst possible outcome you must consider the best possible outcome as well" doesnt work for me cause the things that actually do happen to me in reality are worse than the worst thing i can think of
i was very serious abt and very close to killing myself in 2024 i have a canister of gas i spent $600 on that i gotta get rid of now cuz its just been sitting in storage
id love to keep it and use it but i just dont have the guts like i did then and its not safe to just hold on to like that
id love to keep it and use it but i just dont have the guts like i did then and its not safe to just hold on to like that
May 22, 2026 at 12:50 PM
i was very serious abt and very close to killing myself in 2024 i have a canister of gas i spent $600 on that i gotta get rid of now cuz its just been sitting in storage
id love to keep it and use it but i just dont have the guts like i did then and its not safe to just hold on to like that
id love to keep it and use it but i just dont have the guts like i did then and its not safe to just hold on to like that
i would benefit from any sort of outward expression of emotion but i hate everything about myself so much im embarrassed to hear myself make any kind of noise even when im alone
May 17, 2026 at 9:17 PM
i would benefit from any sort of outward expression of emotion but i hate everything about myself so much im embarrassed to hear myself make any kind of noise even when im alone
looked in the mirror and i look absolutely ragged
May 11, 2026 at 9:17 PM
looked in the mirror and i look absolutely ragged
all the adults in my life ruined me as a person and made me unable to function properly in society probably forever and probably in a completely unfixable way and they either dont understand or dont care and will never be willing to take responsibility for it
April 29, 2026 at 1:43 PM
all the adults in my life ruined me as a person and made me unable to function properly in society probably forever and probably in a completely unfixable way and they either dont understand or dont care and will never be willing to take responsibility for it
complicated emotions abt my dad cause it felt like he loved us more than mom and he taught us more about, like, doing basic necessities but he also treated us like we ruined his life cause he had to pay child support and for not asking to live with him full time
April 11, 2026 at 6:26 AM
complicated emotions abt my dad cause it felt like he loved us more than mom and he taught us more about, like, doing basic necessities but he also treated us like we ruined his life cause he had to pay child support and for not asking to live with him full time
i accidentally stumbled upon an old depressed suicidal rant i wrote when i was 17 and its so sad seeing the same exact points there that i still cycle around through my head in the present
March 10, 2026 at 11:09 AM
i accidentally stumbled upon an old depressed suicidal rant i wrote when i was 17 and its so sad seeing the same exact points there that i still cycle around through my head in the present
home and garden expo had a doggy fashion show and we met a pit mix named kenobi beforehand who was so sweet....he had socks....(fur pattern) and a little tuxedo.....(for the fashion show....he gave me kisses.....such a sweety........😭😭😭😭🥺
March 7, 2026 at 8:11 PM
home and garden expo had a doggy fashion show and we met a pit mix named kenobi beforehand who was so sweet....he had socks....(fur pattern) and a little tuxedo.....(for the fashion show....he gave me kisses.....such a sweety........😭😭😭😭🥺
ive been trying not to make "kill myself" jokes for my mental health which is difficult because unfortunately i still think threatening to kill urself over inconsequential shit is incredibly funny. its the hyperbole of it all
February 27, 2026 at 7:20 AM
ive been trying not to make "kill myself" jokes for my mental health which is difficult because unfortunately i still think threatening to kill urself over inconsequential shit is incredibly funny. its the hyperbole of it all
at the very least i turn my anger inward instead of outward cause if im gonna go unmedicated and without therapy id rather hurt myself and cut a few years off my own life than hurt other people in anger
February 20, 2026 at 12:26 PM
at the very least i turn my anger inward instead of outward cause if im gonna go unmedicated and without therapy id rather hurt myself and cut a few years off my own life than hurt other people in anger
i kinda forget i can just go to events n shit if i want to. kinda. i mean im still limited by money but otherwise
not being able to drive until way into adulthood + also living with parents who treat you like a busted up tool that needs to be hidden away ina box in the attic to collect dust kinda
not being able to drive until way into adulthood + also living with parents who treat you like a busted up tool that needs to be hidden away ina box in the attic to collect dust kinda
February 20, 2026 at 7:09 AM
i kinda forget i can just go to events n shit if i want to. kinda. i mean im still limited by money but otherwise
not being able to drive until way into adulthood + also living with parents who treat you like a busted up tool that needs to be hidden away ina box in the attic to collect dust kinda
not being able to drive until way into adulthood + also living with parents who treat you like a busted up tool that needs to be hidden away ina box in the attic to collect dust kinda
why am i the onlyperson in the world whos been alone his whole life
February 13, 2026 at 7:47 AM
why am i the onlyperson in the world whos been alone his whole life