Jim
@jimelliottcomedy.com
comedian
dublin, Ireland
www.jimelliottcomedy.com for tix and dates
dublin, Ireland
www.jimelliottcomedy.com for tix and dates
Reposted by Jim
[Halloween]
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
October 8, 2026 at 4:31 PM
[Halloween]
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
Well this is a goddamn delight of a thread to scroll through
Social media loves talking about how everything is getting worse. But what’s something that you’ve seen get _better_ in your lifetime?
October 25, 2026 at 4:38 PM
Well this is a goddamn delight of a thread to scroll through
Reposted by Jim
Doctor: there are a lot of calcium deposits in your arteries
Me: oh no
My skeleton: haha hell yeah
Me: oh no
My skeleton: haha hell yeah
October 8, 2026 at 4:32 PM
Doctor: there are a lot of calcium deposits in your arteries
Me: oh no
My skeleton: haha hell yeah
Me: oh no
My skeleton: haha hell yeah
My skeleton: PLEASE take better care of your teeth!
Me: ugh it sucks but I'll try
My skeleton: It's the only part of me people can see!
Me: ugh FINE
(seconds later)
Me: Large coffee, please
My skeleton: godDAMMIT
Me: ugh it sucks but I'll try
My skeleton: It's the only part of me people can see!
Me: ugh FINE
(seconds later)
Me: Large coffee, please
My skeleton: godDAMMIT
October 8, 2026 at 4:32 PM
My skeleton: PLEASE take better care of your teeth!
Me: ugh it sucks but I'll try
My skeleton: It's the only part of me people can see!
Me: ugh FINE
(seconds later)
Me: Large coffee, please
My skeleton: godDAMMIT
Me: ugh it sucks but I'll try
My skeleton: It's the only part of me people can see!
Me: ugh FINE
(seconds later)
Me: Large coffee, please
My skeleton: godDAMMIT
(Couples therapy)
Therapist: Jim? Your response?
Me: I'm not trying to kill him!
My skeleton: Tell her what the dentist told you.
Me: ...
My skeleton: Go on.
Me: He said I grind my teeth at night.
My skeleton: And how do you think that makes me feel?
Me: I said I'm sorry!
Therapist: Jim? Your response?
Me: I'm not trying to kill him!
My skeleton: Tell her what the dentist told you.
Me: ...
My skeleton: Go on.
Me: He said I grind my teeth at night.
My skeleton: And how do you think that makes me feel?
Me: I said I'm sorry!
October 8, 2026 at 4:31 PM
(Couples therapy)
Therapist: Jim? Your response?
Me: I'm not trying to kill him!
My skeleton: Tell her what the dentist told you.
Me: ...
My skeleton: Go on.
Me: He said I grind my teeth at night.
My skeleton: And how do you think that makes me feel?
Me: I said I'm sorry!
Therapist: Jim? Your response?
Me: I'm not trying to kill him!
My skeleton: Tell her what the dentist told you.
Me: ...
My skeleton: Go on.
Me: He said I grind my teeth at night.
My skeleton: And how do you think that makes me feel?
Me: I said I'm sorry!
Me: (on a date) so I broke my femur and had to hike all the way back
My date: (impressed) wow
Later:
My skeleton: oh so now it's MY femur
Me: shit
My date: (impressed) wow
Later:
My skeleton: oh so now it's MY femur
Me: shit
October 8, 2026 at 4:31 PM
Me: (on a date) so I broke my femur and had to hike all the way back
My date: (impressed) wow
Later:
My skeleton: oh so now it's MY femur
Me: shit
My date: (impressed) wow
Later:
My skeleton: oh so now it's MY femur
Me: shit
[Halloween]
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
October 8, 2026 at 4:31 PM
[Halloween]
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
My skeleton: Can I go outside?
Me: No.
My skeleton: *sulks*
...
Me: You'll have plenty of time to spook people after I'm dead.
My skeleton: YOU SAY THAT EVERY YEAR
Reposted by Jim
Always a treat to be reminded of an old friend
September 23, 2026 at 9:00 AM
Always a treat to be reminded of an old friend
Reposted by Jim
“Over an inch of rain” is now a commodity; it can be exchanged for a Big Mac or an F-150. Capital is not a barrier to entry. You can wager with your assigned, future worth. The assigners, they own the infrastructure of it all: the apps, your data, the data centers, the phones, your home, your food
Cant wait for the last remnants of shared reality to completely disintegrate once payday loans and reality-gambling merge, then get taken over by private equity
September 23, 2026 at 8:02 AM
“Over an inch of rain” is now a commodity; it can be exchanged for a Big Mac or an F-150. Capital is not a barrier to entry. You can wager with your assigned, future worth. The assigners, they own the infrastructure of it all: the apps, your data, the data centers, the phones, your home, your food
On the upper deck of the bus 100% audibly humming/singing along with music on my headphones when I realized I was not in fact the only passenger
September 15, 2026 at 10:38 AM
On the upper deck of the bus 100% audibly humming/singing along with music on my headphones when I realized I was not in fact the only passenger
It's a good day to read Billy Domineau's 9/11 Seinfeld episode
randomnerds.com/wp-content/u...
randomnerds.com/wp-content/u...
randomnerds.com
September 11, 2026 at 7:04 PM
It's a good day to read Billy Domineau's 9/11 Seinfeld episode
randomnerds.com/wp-content/u...
randomnerds.com/wp-content/u...
Reposted by Jim
This airline rules so hard
September 10, 2026 at 12:20 PM
This airline rules so hard
Reposted by Jim
A lot of great comedy shows coming up at Kilkenny Comedy Club featuring brilliant acts like Anna Clifford, Sharon Mannion, Martin Angolo, Sophia Wren & Eve Darcy:
www.kilkennycomedy.com
www.kilkennycomedy.com
September 11, 2026 at 10:07 AM
A lot of great comedy shows coming up at Kilkenny Comedy Club featuring brilliant acts like Anna Clifford, Sharon Mannion, Martin Angolo, Sophia Wren & Eve Darcy:
www.kilkennycomedy.com
www.kilkennycomedy.com
Remember:
The only way out¹ is² through³.
¹of depression
²to drink
³it
The only way out¹ is² through³.
¹of depression
²to drink
³it
September 3, 2026 at 11:04 AM
Remember:
The only way out¹ is² through³.
¹of depression
²to drink
³it
The only way out¹ is² through³.
¹of depression
²to drink
³it
Reposted by Jim
i do not know with what instruments the fourth wave of ska will be made, but the fifth wave of ska will be made with sticks and stones
August 31, 2026 at 7:56 PM
i do not know with what instruments the fourth wave of ska will be made, but the fifth wave of ska will be made with sticks and stones
Walking around the gym wishing I was wearing a "Does Anyone Want To Talk About The Repurcussions Of LeBron In Philly" shirt
July 25, 2026 at 10:53 AM
Walking around the gym wishing I was wearing a "Does Anyone Want To Talk About The Repurcussions Of LeBron In Philly" shirt
Americans at the end of a World Cup, knowing they don't have to care about soccer for another four years
July 19, 2026 at 10:09 PM
Americans at the end of a World Cup, knowing they don't have to care about soccer for another four years
The greatest feeling known to the modern corporate wage slave is setting your Out Of Office automatic reply on Outlook and Slack.
July 14, 2026 at 10:19 AM
The greatest feeling known to the modern corporate wage slave is setting your Out Of Office automatic reply on Outlook and Slack.
Reposted by Jim
“Lindsey Graham taught me that it was okay to be dead.” - Mitch McConnell
July 12, 2026 at 11:14 AM
“Lindsey Graham taught me that it was okay to be dead.” - Mitch McConnell
Reposted by Jim
Today is a great reminder that we can never be too ready.
January 13, 2026 at 5:06 PM
Today is a great reminder that we can never be too ready.
Reposted by Jim
Happy 4th of July to my favorite specific sector of celebrants: English people
July 5, 2026 at 3:06 PM
Happy 4th of July to my favorite specific sector of celebrants: English people