Lord Rat Squirt
@lordratsquirt.bsky.social
Screenwriter/co-creator/showrunner for the upcoming TLC series What the F*** is this S***? and Lifetime Network's Pet Waste Makeover. 🇺🇦
My penis didn't spend 7 years in medical school to be called MISTER Floppy.
October 8, 2026 at 11:31 AM
My penis didn't spend 7 years in medical school to be called MISTER Floppy.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
This is how i learned Jolteon passed this year too, my heart is with all the Pokemon fans out there.
October 7, 2026 at 7:04 PM
This is how i learned Jolteon passed this year too, my heart is with all the Pokemon fans out there.
I hate when people use the term "jerking off" instead of the far more polite "jacking off".
October 7, 2026 at 9:56 PM
I hate when people use the term "jerking off" instead of the far more polite "jacking off".
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
06 Oct 2026
October 6, 2026 at 5:23 PM
06 Oct 2026
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Jesus said, “Those were the times I carried you.” I said, “Okay, what about the trail of barf?”
October 7, 2026 at 11:36 AM
Jesus said, “Those were the times I carried you.” I said, “Okay, what about the trail of barf?”
The best things in life are free. For example, delicious chair gum.
October 6, 2026 at 10:55 AM
The best things in life are free. For example, delicious chair gum.
Jesus tapdancing Christ? What are you waiting for? Get him in for an audition!
October 6, 2026 at 2:37 AM
Jesus tapdancing Christ? What are you waiting for? Get him in for an audition!
I think we should see other people...I've already been seeing other people, and let me tell you: it's fantastic!
October 5, 2026 at 10:49 AM
I think we should see other people...I've already been seeing other people, and let me tell you: it's fantastic!
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me and take a dump on my chest?
October 4, 2026 at 1:53 PM
If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me and take a dump on my chest?
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy. It gave me a good run for my money.
October 4, 2026 at 1:31 PM
I bought a really expensive laxative from the pharmacy. It gave me a good run for my money.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
People who wear head to toe Michael Kors are T.J. Maxxing
October 4, 2026 at 8:21 AM
People who wear head to toe Michael Kors are T.J. Maxxing
I'm so sorry but we don't validate feelings.
October 3, 2026 at 2:41 PM
I'm so sorry but we don't validate feelings.
Pooping in the morning, pooping in the evening, pooping at suppertime. With a butthole like a bagel, you can poop well every time.
October 3, 2026 at 2:09 AM
Pooping in the morning, pooping in the evening, pooping at suppertime. With a butthole like a bagel, you can poop well every time.
Life moves pretty fast, so stop smelling the roses and instead exploit relativistic time dilation by accelerating to a significant fraction of the speed of light.
October 2, 2026 at 12:13 PM
Life moves pretty fast, so stop smelling the roses and instead exploit relativistic time dilation by accelerating to a significant fraction of the speed of light.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Why am I the only one wearing a cummerbund at this street brawl?
October 1, 2026 at 1:07 PM
Why am I the only one wearing a cummerbund at this street brawl?
Trump wants us to call AI "Super Intelligence." Fine. The next one is Super Duper Intelligence.
October 1, 2026 at 2:34 AM
Trump wants us to call AI "Super Intelligence." Fine. The next one is Super Duper Intelligence.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
"soy boy" is NOT an insult! "soy boy" is the name of the creation i carved from fermented bean curd and whom i am going to make real using the darkest of magics
September 30, 2026 at 9:42 PM
"soy boy" is NOT an insult! "soy boy" is the name of the creation i carved from fermented bean curd and whom i am going to make real using the darkest of magics
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
29 Sep 2026
September 30, 2026 at 6:10 PM
29 Sep 2026
I'm sorry, fish-sticks box but I don't play by your rules. I'm going to microwave these bad boys and you can't stop me.
September 30, 2026 at 11:44 AM
I'm sorry, fish-sticks box but I don't play by your rules. I'm going to microwave these bad boys and you can't stop me.
I'm so tired or those "I'm not a robot" things on the internet. Why don't they make them "I am a robot" and save us all a lot of time?
September 30, 2026 at 9:42 AM
I'm so tired or those "I'm not a robot" things on the internet. Why don't they make them "I am a robot" and save us all a lot of time?
Lord Rat Squirt was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
September 30, 2026 at 2:00 AM
Lord Rat Squirt was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
Reposted by Lord Rat Squirt
fish are friends
September 29, 2026 at 5:55 PM
fish are friends