Things I say to Ryan: “I love you and your minty knees.”

Things I say to Ryan: “I got you like a sandwich.”

In need of a good ego death. Gotta give the spirit a good scrub.

Ryan, a man: “are you trying to mansplain waggling your weenie to Me?”

Melissa, a woman: “yes!”

“you’re so mature for your age”

aka: you have Saturn angular in your chart

@teabag.cartoon on Instagram really gets me.

People are so entitled. Thinking they can just park wherever they want.

True love is your partner falling asleep on your chest no matter what the position.

Getting the first post out of the way, so I dont ruminate over it for weeks until I inevitably say something dumb, leading to everyone knowing I’m weird right away.

We all do this, right? 😂