Midsomer Murders plots
@moremidsomerplots.bsky.social
The continuing (and randomly generated) investigations of Britain's most murderous county.
Content created by @patrickstokes.com and Anonymous. Generate your own: midsomerplots.net
Content created by @patrickstokes.com and Anonymous. Generate your own: midsomerplots.net
The local viscount is found obliterated by a North Korean mini-nuke. Suspicion falls on Little Coxton’s medieval reenactment society, upset that a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe might threaten to reveal that the postman’s visits to housewives are more about male intimacy than mail intimacy.
September 18, 2026 at 3:04 PM
The local viscount is found obliterated by a North Korean mini-nuke. Suspicion falls on Little Coxton’s medieval reenactment society, upset that a Hercule Poirot-inspired dance troupe might threaten to reveal that the postman’s visits to housewives are more about male intimacy than mail intimacy.
A local undertaker is found killed by a bomb planted in the greenhouse. Suspicion falls on Wolf Creek’s trainspotters, worried that lewd messages daubed in pigs blood inside a Tory peer’s house might threaten to force the local diamond mine to close.
September 18, 2026 at 10:04 AM
A local undertaker is found killed by a bomb planted in the greenhouse. Suspicion falls on Wolf Creek’s trainspotters, worried that lewd messages daubed in pigs blood inside a Tory peer’s house might threaten to force the local diamond mine to close.
A geeky soprano singer is found killed by a 12-tone oboe piece. Suspicion falls on Upper Warden’s middle-aged philosopher, worried that antimatter leaking into the nearby reservoir might threaten the traditional annual race at an exclusive public school.
September 18, 2026 at 5:04 AM
A geeky soprano singer is found killed by a 12-tone oboe piece. Suspicion falls on Upper Warden’s middle-aged philosopher, worried that antimatter leaking into the nearby reservoir might threaten the traditional annual race at an exclusive public school.
A Casualty actor is found virtually deceased in a pair of oculus rift goggles. Suspicion falls on Lower Warden’s amateur drama group, upset that errors in the Yomping Association Almanac might threaten the closure of Midsomer's last brewery.
September 18, 2026 at 12:04 AM
A Casualty actor is found virtually deceased in a pair of oculus rift goggles. Suspicion falls on Lower Warden’s amateur drama group, upset that errors in the Yomping Association Almanac might threaten the closure of Midsomer's last brewery.
An Australian historian of the Scots is found executed, and prest to death. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s uptight, bourgeoisie parasites, obsessed that a new wind farm might threaten to permanently close the entrance to Álfheimr.
September 17, 2026 at 7:04 PM
An Australian historian of the Scots is found executed, and prest to death. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s uptight, bourgeoisie parasites, obsessed that a new wind farm might threaten to permanently close the entrance to Álfheimr.
A person who skeets about this bot is found with rubber balls placed expertly in the eye sockets. Suspicion falls on Haddington’s heavy-handed book publisher, disturbed that a new boat ramp might threaten control of the Midsomer photography contest.
September 17, 2026 at 2:04 PM
A person who skeets about this bot is found with rubber balls placed expertly in the eye sockets. Suspicion falls on Haddington’s heavy-handed book publisher, disturbed that a new boat ramp might threaten control of the Midsomer photography contest.
A seditious Marxist is found upended in a bucket of stew. Suspicion falls on Swarf End’s baker, disturbed that a village fête to raise money for the new church roof might threaten to awaken the giant baby that came before good and evil, being and non-being.
September 17, 2026 at 9:04 AM
A seditious Marxist is found upended in a bucket of stew. Suspicion falls on Swarf End’s baker, disturbed that a village fête to raise money for the new church roof might threaten to awaken the giant baby that came before good and evil, being and non-being.
A local eccentric Shakespearian actor is found knocked over by a herd of sheep into a deep quarry. Suspicion falls on Woking’s impetuous young heir, frightened that a vicar’s choir banquet might threaten to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up.
September 17, 2026 at 4:04 AM
A local eccentric Shakespearian actor is found knocked over by a herd of sheep into a deep quarry. Suspicion falls on Woking’s impetuous young heir, frightened that a vicar’s choir banquet might threaten to get the harvest and blood moons mixed up.
A local DJ is found untimely murdered, with the words from Ecclesiastes 12:8 (NIV) printed on a piece of paper found in the underpants. Suspicion falls on Wetwang’s scout troop, deeply concerned that the theft of a Burmese bell might threaten the world ending with a whimper rather than a bang.
September 16, 2026 at 11:04 PM
A local DJ is found untimely murdered, with the words from Ecclesiastes 12:8 (NIV) printed on a piece of paper found in the underpants. Suspicion falls on Wetwang’s scout troop, deeply concerned that the theft of a Burmese bell might threaten the world ending with a whimper rather than a bang.
The town crier is found in ashes after a horrendous house fire. Suspicion falls on Morton Shallows’ cosplay society, confused that the ghost walk might threaten unconventional relationships.
September 16, 2026 at 6:04 PM
The town crier is found in ashes after a horrendous house fire. Suspicion falls on Morton Shallows’ cosplay society, confused that the ghost walk might threaten unconventional relationships.
A local thatcher is found stabbed with a sharpened anal speculum drunkenly purchased on Wish. Suspicion falls on Midsomer’s suspicious out-of-towners, obsessed that clichéd TV shows might threaten an eel invasion.
September 16, 2026 at 1:04 PM
A local thatcher is found stabbed with a sharpened anal speculum drunkenly purchased on Wish. Suspicion falls on Midsomer’s suspicious out-of-towners, obsessed that clichéd TV shows might threaten an eel invasion.
A lockdown protestor is found crushed by a pallet. Suspicion falls on Squirrel Leap’s microbiologist, angry that the local date night might threaten folk music in Midsomer County.
September 16, 2026 at 8:04 AM
A lockdown protestor is found crushed by a pallet. Suspicion falls on Squirrel Leap’s microbiologist, angry that the local date night might threaten folk music in Midsomer County.
A local archaeologist is found forced into a road accident with a lorry. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Deverell’s rusted on Labour supporter, angry that DIY genetic testing might threaten the last witch this side of Hadrian's Wall.
September 16, 2026 at 3:04 AM
A local archaeologist is found forced into a road accident with a lorry. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Deverell’s rusted on Labour supporter, angry that DIY genetic testing might threaten the last witch this side of Hadrian's Wall.
A local mushroom hunter is found rubbed out by a giant eraser. Suspicion falls on Rooks Bridge’s ennui society, obsessed that modernity itself might threaten to alter the pudding recipe.
September 15, 2026 at 10:04 PM
A local mushroom hunter is found rubbed out by a giant eraser. Suspicion falls on Rooks Bridge’s ennui society, obsessed that modernity itself might threaten to alter the pudding recipe.
A local DJ is found drowned in a mug of English breakfast tea. Suspicion falls on Shotover & Forest hill’s funeral directors, deeply concerned that a disturbingly high Gini coefficient might threaten supplies of goats head soup.
September 15, 2026 at 5:04 PM
A local DJ is found drowned in a mug of English breakfast tea. Suspicion falls on Shotover & Forest hill’s funeral directors, deeply concerned that a disturbingly high Gini coefficient might threaten supplies of goats head soup.
A human milk cheese producer is found as an exquisitely scented candle made from human tallow. Suspicion falls on Cockup Upper’s global conglomerate in charge of the Internet, angry that the rise of artificial intelligence might threaten to disrupt filming of a movie about the French Revolution.
September 15, 2026 at 12:04 PM
A human milk cheese producer is found as an exquisitely scented candle made from human tallow. Suspicion falls on Cockup Upper’s global conglomerate in charge of the Internet, angry that the rise of artificial intelligence might threaten to disrupt filming of a movie about the French Revolution.
A petunia-growing horticulturalist is found dead after a heated argument about the Oxford comma. Suspicion falls on Lower Crosby’s Neighbourhood Watch Alliance, confused that a new boat ramp might threaten to reduce the population of Midsomer to a vicar and six pig farmers.
September 15, 2026 at 7:04 AM
A petunia-growing horticulturalist is found dead after a heated argument about the Oxford comma. Suspicion falls on Lower Crosby’s Neighbourhood Watch Alliance, confused that a new boat ramp might threaten to reduce the population of Midsomer to a vicar and six pig farmers.
A social distancer is found imprisoned in a vast wicker figure with goats and burned alive. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s visiting East London gangster, worried that the fall of the Roman Empire might threaten the annual cheese festival.
September 15, 2026 at 2:04 AM
A social distancer is found imprisoned in a vast wicker figure with goats and burned alive. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s visiting East London gangster, worried that the fall of the Roman Empire might threaten the annual cheese festival.
A bewellingtoned server farmer is found knocked over by a herd of sheep into a deep quarry. Suspicion falls on Woking’s impetuous young heir, frightened that the resurgence of vinyl LPs might threaten the merengue marathon.
September 14, 2026 at 9:04 PM
A bewellingtoned server farmer is found knocked over by a herd of sheep into a deep quarry. Suspicion falls on Woking’s impetuous young heir, frightened that the resurgence of vinyl LPs might threaten the merengue marathon.
A hyperactive barista is found astrally harvested. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mow’s beautiful, mentally unstable girl, obsessed that badger culling might threaten the Midsomer space programme.
September 14, 2026 at 4:04 PM
A hyperactive barista is found astrally harvested. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Mow’s beautiful, mentally unstable girl, obsessed that badger culling might threaten the Midsomer space programme.
A realistic Hegelian is found electrocuted with a sabotaged Theremin. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Worthy’s obsessive history buffs, frightened that modernity itself might threaten to bring forward the date of the coming goat apocalypse.
September 14, 2026 at 11:04 AM
A realistic Hegelian is found electrocuted with a sabotaged Theremin. Suspicion falls on Midsomer Worthy’s obsessive history buffs, frightened that modernity itself might threaten to bring forward the date of the coming goat apocalypse.
A polyamorous tantric sex guru is found dead after eating fentanyl-laced full English breakfast. Suspicion falls on Burnt Knoll’s patron saint, confused that poor quality tea might threaten the decline and fall of Western civilisation.
September 14, 2026 at 6:04 AM
A polyamorous tantric sex guru is found dead after eating fentanyl-laced full English breakfast. Suspicion falls on Burnt Knoll’s patron saint, confused that poor quality tea might threaten the decline and fall of Western civilisation.
A geeky soprano singer is found pushed off of the roof of a stately home. Suspicion falls on Angels Rise’s chamber of commerce, disturbed that dead shrubbery might threaten to end the National Health Service.
September 14, 2026 at 1:04 AM
A geeky soprano singer is found pushed off of the roof of a stately home. Suspicion falls on Angels Rise’s chamber of commerce, disturbed that dead shrubbery might threaten to end the National Health Service.
A violinist who loves playing in B♭ harmonic minor is found crushed by gym equipment. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s barmaid at the Deerstalker and Fife Arms, angry that cheap imitation Daily Mail vouchers might threaten caravaning.
September 13, 2026 at 8:04 PM
A violinist who loves playing in B♭ harmonic minor is found crushed by gym equipment. Suspicion falls on Nomansland’s barmaid at the Deerstalker and Fife Arms, angry that cheap imitation Daily Mail vouchers might threaten caravaning.