Jared “Ghost Dog” Denney
@playajared.bsky.social
Pinned
The Onion has acquired @PlayaJared in a bankruptcy auction.
If Future was the prophet Jonah: I woke up in a new whale 💯🗣️
June 5, 2026 at 4:18 PM
If Future was the prophet Jonah: I woke up in a new whale 💯🗣️
Saw a beached whale. Maybe focus less on the singing and more on the swimming dumbass
June 4, 2026 at 7:15 PM
Saw a beached whale. Maybe focus less on the singing and more on the swimming dumbass
Imagine a corndog rn
May 16, 2026 at 1:39 AM
Imagine a corndog rn
Need someone to record a producer tag for my tweets
May 5, 2026 at 4:37 PM
Need someone to record a producer tag for my tweets
Bouncer sat me in the private VIP lounge tonight 😎
May 3, 2026 at 3:44 AM
Bouncer sat me in the private VIP lounge tonight 😎
Stop tagging @accidentalbron.bsky.social on my Tweets nothing I do is accidental
May 3, 2026 at 3:44 AM
Stop tagging @accidentalbron.bsky.social on my Tweets nothing I do is accidental
Met a guy who got a DUI during his driver's ed test
May 1, 2026 at 3:14 PM
Met a guy who got a DUI during his driver's ed test
Mama I didn’t make it. It’s way harder than I thought and the world is out to get me
April 29, 2026 at 6:35 AM
Mama I didn’t make it. It’s way harder than I thought and the world is out to get me
I keep waking up and finding crop circles in my pubes 🛸🤔
April 28, 2026 at 6:02 PM
I keep waking up and finding crop circles in my pubes 🛸🤔
Showing this to a boomer and giving them a stroke
April 28, 2026 at 6:23 AM
Showing this to a boomer and giving them a stroke
Going on Shark Tank to pitch “selling sex for money”
April 27, 2026 at 3:27 AM
Going on Shark Tank to pitch “selling sex for money”
Saying bless you when someone sneezes just to create sexual tension
April 23, 2026 at 4:14 PM
Saying bless you when someone sneezes just to create sexual tension
Googling "basketball moves to make black guys say, ‘ok i see you Wonder Bread’” before my pickup game
April 22, 2026 at 1:03 AM
Googling "basketball moves to make black guys say, ‘ok i see you Wonder Bread’” before my pickup game
Tim Cook? Who's the next Apple CEO, Jim Grill!? Nah you know I'm jokin @tim_cook we're just having some fun
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
Tim Cook? Who's the next Apple CEO, Jim Grill!? Nah you know I'm jokin @tim_cook we're just having some fun
I took her to my mouse hole and I squeaked it
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
I took her to my mouse hole and I squeaked it
Small business owners get sooo pissed when you crash your car into their store
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
Small business owners get sooo pissed when you crash your car into their store
So ethnically conscious I called the blasian girl “Blapanese”
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
So ethnically conscious I called the blasian girl “Blapanese”
Hi sorry, what's the code for the restroom? Don't worry I just need to jerk off real quick
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
Hi sorry, what's the code for the restroom? Don't worry I just need to jerk off real quick
Spicy mayo? No thank you! Mayo is already spicy enough
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
Spicy mayo? No thank you! Mayo is already spicy enough
Jerking off before a buffet so I last longer
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
Jerking off before a buffet so I last longer
"Whose wiener is this? Oh right nvm"
April 21, 2026 at 11:02 PM
"Whose wiener is this? Oh right nvm"
Playing "Spooky Halloween Graveyard Sounds" on the bar’s TouchTunes
April 21, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Playing "Spooky Halloween Graveyard Sounds" on the bar’s TouchTunes
Shooting imaginary guns at the drivers next to me in traffic
April 21, 2026 at 11:01 PM
Shooting imaginary guns at the drivers next to me in traffic
April Fools is a DEI holiday
April 21, 2026 at 11:01 PM
April Fools is a DEI holiday
I'm unbeatable at chess because I bring a gun
April 21, 2026 at 11:01 PM
I'm unbeatable at chess because I bring a gun