Is there a vaccine to prevent catching feelings for someone? I would like to be immune to love, please and thank you. #datingadvice

If Superman was any kind of real superhero, he'd use that x-ray vision to give us some free X-rays. #freehealthcare

#istandwithrodneyhinton

Hot take: Davey Jones is the least funny Scottish man ever.
#piratesofthecaribbean

Why does it feel right now like the Revolutionary War, the Civil War, and World War II? Can we please have one war at a time??? #america2025

There's a special place in hell for those who honk at student drivers.

I think I should set "Back from the Dead" as my wakeup alarm.

Twas the year of fucketh around and findeth out, in the century of twenty-first....

It would be a real shame if someone started flooding Tesla showrooms with one-star reviews accompanied by photos of 1930s Germany. A real shame. #fuckelon #fucktesla

So... who's down to withhold federal taxes from their paychecks this year? #withhold2025