Lord Salfordlad67
@salfordlad67.bsky.social
Born and Bred in Salford but now living on the dark side in Droylsden. Also known as Lord Phil.
My mate reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them.
Personally I think he torques out of his arse…
Personally I think he torques out of his arse…
September 21, 2026 at 8:59 AM
My mate reckons he can tighten nuts and bolts just by sitting on them.
Personally I think he torques out of his arse…
Personally I think he torques out of his arse…
Did you hear about the depressed plumber?
He's been going through some shit.
He's been going through some shit.
September 18, 2026 at 9:16 AM
Did you hear about the depressed plumber?
He's been going through some shit.
He's been going through some shit.
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it...
It's spam!
It's spam!
September 16, 2026 at 9:57 AM
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it...
It's spam!
It's spam!
My mate is obsessed with ABBA. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he replied, "A chippy tea, ta."
September 14, 2026 at 12:56 PM
My mate is obsessed with ABBA. I asked him what he wanted for dinner and he replied, "A chippy tea, ta."
I gave myself a prostate exam earlier.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.
September 10, 2026 at 9:07 AM
I gave myself a prostate exam earlier.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.
That's the last time I buy toilet roll from Lidl.
Does anyone know how long you can keep a chicken in the freezer for? I've been told 3 months, but mine has only been in for 3 days and it's dead already!
September 9, 2026 at 12:27 PM
Does anyone know how long you can keep a chicken in the freezer for? I've been told 3 months, but mine has only been in for 3 days and it's dead already!
I went to a funeral and asked the widow...
"Mind if I say a word?"
"Please do." She replied.
I cleared my throat and said: "Plethora."
"Thanks, that means a lot." She said.
"Mind if I say a word?"
"Please do." She replied.
I cleared my throat and said: "Plethora."
"Thanks, that means a lot." She said.
September 1, 2026 at 5:04 PM
I went to a funeral and asked the widow...
"Mind if I say a word?"
"Please do." She replied.
I cleared my throat and said: "Plethora."
"Thanks, that means a lot." She said.
"Mind if I say a word?"
"Please do." She replied.
I cleared my throat and said: "Plethora."
"Thanks, that means a lot." She said.
Have you been hit with a Rhythm Stick ?? You could be entitled to compensation with a personal IAN DURY claim.
September 1, 2026 at 4:57 PM
Have you been hit with a Rhythm Stick ?? You could be entitled to compensation with a personal IAN DURY claim.
I just tried to return some used Scooby-Doo underpants. I would’ve got away with it too if it hadn’t been for those pesky skids.
August 25, 2026 at 8:48 PM
I just tried to return some used Scooby-Doo underpants. I would’ve got away with it too if it hadn’t been for those pesky skids.
Why did Kylie Minogue rush home for a shit?
She prefers a local motion...
She prefers a local motion...
August 17, 2026 at 8:13 AM
Why did Kylie Minogue rush home for a shit?
She prefers a local motion...
She prefers a local motion...
I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.
"Alright son, it's about time you went to bed", I said.
"But Dad I'm 18", he protested.
"I don't care", I said. "You're not watching me having a wank!"
"Alright son, it's about time you went to bed", I said.
"But Dad I'm 18", he protested.
"I don't care", I said. "You're not watching me having a wank!"
August 8, 2026 at 9:59 AM
I was watching a movie with my son last night when a sex scene came on.
"Alright son, it's about time you went to bed", I said.
"But Dad I'm 18", he protested.
"I don't care", I said. "You're not watching me having a wank!"
"Alright son, it's about time you went to bed", I said.
"But Dad I'm 18", he protested.
"I don't care", I said. "You're not watching me having a wank!"
Broken promise: the Government promised guaranteed hours for all workers, but now most will miss out. 🚫 Sign the petition now to protect every worker: you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/pr...
Sign the petition to give all workers the right to guaranteed hours
Betrayal: the UK Gov pledged guaranteed hours for all workers, but now most will miss out. Sign now to fight back.
you.38degrees.org.uk
July 27, 2026 at 5:42 PM
Broken promise: the Government promised guaranteed hours for all workers, but now most will miss out. 🚫 Sign the petition now to protect every worker: you.38degrees.org.uk/petitions/pr...
Hearing reports that Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police haven't got a lead.
The Police haven't got a lead.
July 26, 2026 at 5:46 PM
Hearing reports that Sting has been kidnapped.
The Police haven't got a lead.
The Police haven't got a lead.
There’s a new Elbow tribute band called Arse. They’re so good you can’t tell them apart.
July 22, 2026 at 8:41 PM
There’s a new Elbow tribute band called Arse. They’re so good you can’t tell them apart.
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control and thought to myself, "Well this changes everything!"
July 21, 2026 at 7:19 AM
I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control and thought to myself, "Well this changes everything!"
Why is it that so many people get simple sayings wrong?
Answers on a Coastguard!
Answers on a Coastguard!
July 10, 2026 at 10:47 AM
Why is it that so many people get simple sayings wrong?
Answers on a Coastguard!
Answers on a Coastguard!
There's a dyslexic homeless man in my town centre selling big tissues!
July 7, 2026 at 9:02 AM
There's a dyslexic homeless man in my town centre selling big tissues!
BREAKING: Robbie Williams has given up singing to teach geometry…
He's loving angles instead!
He's loving angles instead!
July 5, 2026 at 7:53 AM
BREAKING: Robbie Williams has given up singing to teach geometry…
He's loving angles instead!
He's loving angles instead!
So after working hard for 35 years and with the bit of luck we had last year I've taken the plunge and treated myself. They only had white but aren't my new garden chairs wonderful!
July 3, 2026 at 4:24 PM
So after working hard for 35 years and with the bit of luck we had last year I've taken the plunge and treated myself. They only had white but aren't my new garden chairs wonderful!
A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"
The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"
June 26, 2026 at 7:24 AM
A man was run over by a red lorry, then a yellow lorry, then a red lorry, then a yellow lorry.
The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"
The Policeman that had to inform his family said, "I am sorry but there's no easy way to say this…"
Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'.
Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...
Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!
Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...
Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!
June 22, 2026 at 10:45 AM
Went to buy a new toaster today. I asked the sales woman if they'd got something a little bit 'special'.
Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...
Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!
Apparently I was in luck. They'd got an Elvis Presley one...
Turned out to be a Breville in disguise!
Mini me fridge magnets and stress relievers
April 28, 2026 at 11:14 AM
Mini me fridge magnets and stress relievers