Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
@sandwichjudge.bsky.social
That isn’t me in the photo, it is Patches. MSN dude
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
Me when my parents rented DEEP IMPACT from Blockbuster
October 5, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Me when my parents rented DEEP IMPACT from Blockbuster
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
The hush money was the worst part? I always thought the r*ping kids was the worst part.
October 5, 2026 at 3:06 PM
The hush money was the worst part? I always thought the r*ping kids was the worst part.
Charlie J Kirk fivehead
October 4, 2026 at 12:47 AM
Charlie J Kirk fivehead
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
today is the only day you can post this
October 3, 2026 at 1:57 PM
today is the only day you can post this
They say the Onion isn’t a real newspaper, then how do you explain that I did not know what Liberty Biberty was* until they, as a trusted medium, mentioned it existing?
*: thought it nothing other than a mocking nickname for Lauren Bobert
*: thought it nothing other than a mocking nickname for Lauren Bobert
September 29, 2026 at 4:13 PM
They say the Onion isn’t a real newspaper, then how do you explain that I did not know what Liberty Biberty was* until they, as a trusted medium, mentioned it existing?
*: thought it nothing other than a mocking nickname for Lauren Bobert
*: thought it nothing other than a mocking nickname for Lauren Bobert
Swanboy is about the importance of intergenerational friendships, both as a positive example (Swanboy x Sebastian) and a counterexample (if Noel knew one teenager/young adult he would have access to a cash-strapped workforce and not bankrupt himself)
September 28, 2026 at 1:45 PM
Swanboy is about the importance of intergenerational friendships, both as a positive example (Swanboy x Sebastian) and a counterexample (if Noel knew one teenager/young adult he would have access to a cash-strapped workforce and not bankrupt himself)
Confession: this bowl of soup was presented to me as spice level 1 and it is straight fucking me up. Ruining my ego as well as my sinuses. 5 stars
September 27, 2026 at 7:05 PM
Confession: this bowl of soup was presented to me as spice level 1 and it is straight fucking me up. Ruining my ego as well as my sinuses. 5 stars
HAMLET
How now, a rat? Dead for a ducat, dead.
⌜He kills Polonius by thrusting a rapier
through the arras.⌝
POLONIUS, ⌜behind the arras⌝
Fuck, I am slain!
How now, a rat? Dead for a ducat, dead.
⌜He kills Polonius by thrusting a rapier
through the arras.⌝
POLONIUS, ⌜behind the arras⌝
Fuck, I am slain!
Ok don’t let’s get carried away but I found something genuinely good on Threads.
September 27, 2026 at 11:12 AM
HAMLET
How now, a rat? Dead for a ducat, dead.
⌜He kills Polonius by thrusting a rapier
through the arras.⌝
POLONIUS, ⌜behind the arras⌝
Fuck, I am slain!
How now, a rat? Dead for a ducat, dead.
⌜He kills Polonius by thrusting a rapier
through the arras.⌝
POLONIUS, ⌜behind the arras⌝
Fuck, I am slain!
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
I’m sorry, but if you bring gypsum - or any damn mineral below 3 on the Mohs scale at all - to a job interview, you’re disqualified. It’s not hard, people.
September 26, 2026 at 6:53 PM
I’m sorry, but if you bring gypsum - or any damn mineral below 3 on the Mohs scale at all - to a job interview, you’re disqualified. It’s not hard, people.
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
i asked them about your posts and the reviews are in
September 25, 2026 at 4:09 AM
i asked them about your posts and the reviews are in
Wishing for unimaginable violence to descend on the rotund asshole cutesy motherfucker that Meta created to personify their shitty AI product Muse (mods: note that this persona does not exist in the real world so this violates no T&Cs)
September 24, 2026 at 5:40 PM
Wishing for unimaginable violence to descend on the rotund asshole cutesy motherfucker that Meta created to personify their shitty AI product Muse (mods: note that this persona does not exist in the real world so this violates no T&Cs)
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
[looks at temp]
Me: [chanting] soup, soup-
kids: soup, SOUP
Wife: [banging her spoon] SOUP, SOUP, SOUP!
Me: [chanting] soup, soup-
kids: soup, SOUP
Wife: [banging her spoon] SOUP, SOUP, SOUP!
September 21, 2026 at 7:12 PM
[looks at temp]
Me: [chanting] soup, soup-
kids: soup, SOUP
Wife: [banging her spoon] SOUP, SOUP, SOUP!
Me: [chanting] soup, soup-
kids: soup, SOUP
Wife: [banging her spoon] SOUP, SOUP, SOUP!
Changing my shirt on the off chance the same guy is working at the pharmacy and clocks that I am wearing the exact same shirt as I was yesterday and as a result thinks less of me because I didn’t change my shirt
September 15, 2026 at 4:01 PM
Changing my shirt on the off chance the same guy is working at the pharmacy and clocks that I am wearing the exact same shirt as I was yesterday and as a result thinks less of me because I didn’t change my shirt
With the sole exception being Jesus, it is probably a pretty devastating own to call someone a “Little Lord”
September 14, 2026 at 8:17 PM
With the sole exception being Jesus, it is probably a pretty devastating own to call someone a “Little Lord”
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
me: hi gimme a large pizza
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
September 10, 2026 at 11:21 PM
me: hi gimme a large pizza
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
pizza guy: any appetizers?
me: what do you have?
pizza guy: we've got fried cheese with no sauce or crust, crust with no cheese or sauce, and crust and cheese with no sauce
me: gimme crust and cheese with no sauce
pizza guy: and for your dip?
me: sauce
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
(To the tune of I Love Rock and Roll)
We are Charlie Kirk
Debate another college student in the quad now
We are Charlie Kirk
So come and take a bullet to the neck with me
We are Charlie Kirk
Debate another college student in the quad now
We are Charlie Kirk
So come and take a bullet to the neck with me
September 10, 2026 at 2:12 PM
(To the tune of I Love Rock and Roll)
We are Charlie Kirk
Debate another college student in the quad now
We are Charlie Kirk
So come and take a bullet to the neck with me
We are Charlie Kirk
Debate another college student in the quad now
We are Charlie Kirk
So come and take a bullet to the neck with me
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
koko’s basilisk: you don’t think koko the gorilla actually knows sign language and when she figures it out she beats your ass
September 9, 2026 at 8:16 AM
koko’s basilisk: you don’t think koko the gorilla actually knows sign language and when she figures it out she beats your ass
Reposted by Sand🎃WITCH🧙🏾 Judge
Tech companies don't even tell you what they do anymore, they just look at you like this
September 7, 2026 at 1:51 PM
Tech companies don't even tell you what they do anymore, they just look at you like this
Onion point/counterpoint idea:
Could You Please Go #2 on the Toilet Before You Have An Accident? by Rob Goldsmith, Father
vs.
Wow, Another Unconvincing Screed Filled With Logical Fallacies. Where Do I Start? by Ezra Goldsmith, Age 3
Could You Please Go #2 on the Toilet Before You Have An Accident? by Rob Goldsmith, Father
vs.
Wow, Another Unconvincing Screed Filled With Logical Fallacies. Where Do I Start? by Ezra Goldsmith, Age 3
September 5, 2026 at 11:53 PM
Onion point/counterpoint idea:
Could You Please Go #2 on the Toilet Before You Have An Accident? by Rob Goldsmith, Father
vs.
Wow, Another Unconvincing Screed Filled With Logical Fallacies. Where Do I Start? by Ezra Goldsmith, Age 3
Could You Please Go #2 on the Toilet Before You Have An Accident? by Rob Goldsmith, Father
vs.
Wow, Another Unconvincing Screed Filled With Logical Fallacies. Where Do I Start? by Ezra Goldsmith, Age 3