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spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Spamusement!
@spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
7 followers 0 following 310 posts
Poorly-drawn cartoons inspired by actual spam subject lines!
By Steven Frank unless otherwise indicated.
https://web.archive.org/web/20200415101153/http://www.spamusement.com/
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spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
We have located several horny women in your area!

July 16, 2004
Spamusement #11: We have located several horny women in your area! Two scientists in lab coats stand in front of a whiteboard covered in mathematical formulas and diagrams. The scientist on the left holds a handheld tracking device with a small, beeping satellite dish antenna attached to it, while the scientist on the right stands next to him holding a clipboard and pen.
September 26, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Find cut-rate software here

September 7, 2004
Spamusement #64: Find cut-rate software here Four software boxes are displayed on a shelf. The top left box is titled Norton Disk Rapist with a picture of a disk. The top right box is 3-D carp simulator featuring a fish. The bottom left box reads HORRIBLE CLIP-ART with a basic smiley face. The bottom right box is titled THE SIMS: old n' tired and shows a drawing of an elderly man.
September 25, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
guess what happened

March 2, 2005
Spamusement #203: guess what happened A man wearing a top hat and a wooden barrel held up by suspenders brandishes a rake while standing next to a small fire on the floor. Nearby, a donkey stands on top of a TV with a pair of underwear in its mouth, surrounded by scattered carrots. A person opens a door on the right to witness the chaotic scene.
September 24, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
guess who :)

July 1, 2005
Spamusement #257: guess who :) A smiling woman has her eyes covered in a playful gesture by a pair of hands extending out from inside the gaping, sharp-toothed mouth of a large monster hovering behind her.
September 23, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Your lover will jump for joy when you do this!

October 20, 2004
Spamusement #107: Your lover will jump for joy when you do this! A person standing at a kitchen sink washing dirty dishes by hand.
September 22, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Are your doctors too far away

March 8, 2005
Spamusement #206: Are your doctors too far away A doctor stands at a distance from a shirtless patient seated on an exam table, holding a stethoscope out toward him but remaining far out of reach. A desk and stool sit between them, and a framed illustration of a fish hangs on the wall.
September 21, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Trojans are everywhere

March 16, 2005
Spamusement #212: Trojans are everywhere A promotional photo of the cast of the sitcom Friends shows the six actors hugging in pairs. A Roman soldier wearing a helmet and holding a sword has been added to the end of the lineup on the right.
September 20, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Improved performace saucepan

November 3, 2004
Spamusement #122: Improved performace saucepan A saucepan modified to look like a hot rod race car sitting on a stovetop, featuring racing wheels, flame decals on the side, a large rear spoiler attached to the handle, and a rumbling engine.
September 19, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
the bigger the better

September 30, 2004
Spamusement #87: the bigger the better A waiter holds an absurdly long pepper grinder horizontally toward two diners at a round table, asking, "Fresh-ground pepper?"
September 18, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Abe Lincoln Never got it

September 6, 2004
Spamusement #63: Abe Lincoln Never got it Abraham Lincoln wearing a stovepipe hat with a blank expression stands next to handwritten text that reads: "and the guy says, 'rectum? darn-near killed 'im!'"
September 17, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
amazing new pleasure for men

March 14, 2005
Spamusement #210: amazing new pleasure for men An Xbox console connected via a controller cable to a bubbling deep fryer labeled Fry Daddy.
September 16, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Some say it hurts, some like it

March 25, 2005
Spamusement #217: Some say it hurts, some like it Two people ride calmly on a merry-go-round while a giant hand reaches in from the right and flicks a third rider off their horse, sending them tumbling through the air.
September 15, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
thank snoop

June 28, 2006
Spamusement #317: thank snoop A lowrider car rears up vertically on extended hydraulics, crushing a man beneath its rear bumper; the man lies flat on his back with his legs in the air and his baseball cap on the ground nearby.
September 14, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Real Player

May 16, 2005
Spamusement #240: Real Player The top sliver of a scene showing a startled person and a bored owl, cut off by large white space reading Buffering...
September 13, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Better late than never

February 24, 2005
Spamusement #200: Better late than never Three smiling firefighters arrive in a truck next to a house that has already completely burned down to charred ruins while a resident in a bathrobe watches unhappily.
September 12, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
You cannot do that!

September 12, 2004
Spamusement #69: You cannot do that! An angry woman points and yells at a man sitting at a table in front of a toaster with two small dogs popping out of the slots.
September 11, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
I sure wish you weren't so silly

October 9, 2004
Spamusement #96: I sure wish you weren't so silly At a wedding ceremony, the groom bends over and pulls down his pants to reveal the words "I DO" written across his buttocks, causing the bride to facepalm in embarrassment while the officiant looks on.
September 10, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
security...bacon

November 4, 2004
Spamusement #123: security...bacon A strip of bacon dressed as a security guard, wearing sunglasses, a hat, a radio, and a utility belt, stands next to a metal detector.
September 9, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Enhance your anatomy

August 5, 2004
Spamusement #31: Enhance your anatomy A woman sits at a bar holding a drink next to a man with an absurdly large, long nose. She glances at him with a wary expression.
September 8, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION !

August 17, 2004
Spamusement #43: Please explain the specific MEDICAL reason for ordering this MEDICATION ! A hand writes "Can't get boner." on a sheet of paper with a pencil.
September 7, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Everybody's Talking About AlcoMate! It Really Works!

August 31, 2005
Spamusement #281: Everybody's Talking About AlcoMate! It Really Works! A robot labeled ALCOMATE 2000 sits at a bar, enthusiastically raising a beer mug and draping an arm around a sullen, annoyed man holding his own drink.
September 6, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
hide your license plate Grover

September 24, 2004
Spamusement #81: hide your license plate Grover Grover from Sesame Street frantically covers the rear license plate of a car with his hand.
September 5, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
if god gave you one wish, what do you want most?

November 23, 2004
Spamusement #143: if god gave you one wish, what do you want most? Giant hands emerge from the sky surrounded by rays of light, presenting an overjoyed man with a table covered in treats next to a sign that reads FREE CUPCAKES.
September 4, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Make Your C*ck A Hammer

October 3, 2004
Spamusement #90: Make Your C*ck A Hammer A wooden plank with a bent nail driven into it sits in the foreground, while a bent-over figure is helped into the back of an ambulance in the distance.
September 3, 2026 at 2:00 PM
spamusement.rolandcrosby.com
Your Life Ins. Company PRAYS you will NEVER SEE this.

September 16, 2004
Spamusement #73: Your Life Ins. Company PRAYS you will NEVER SEE this. Two people stand before a carnival attraction labeled Ride the SLEDGEHAMMER, where a giant mechanical hammer is poised to crush three passengers strapped into seats.
September 2, 2026 at 2:00 PM