Steven C. Hayes
@stevenchayes.bsky.social
Steve is a Foundation Prof Emeritus of Psychology at UNR. He originated & co-developed Acceptance and Commitment Therapy & Relational Frame Theory.
stevenchayes.com
stevenchayes.com
The version of you that doesn't know who you are right now is still there, watching, noticing, experiencing. That witness has been continuously present through every version of your life. It's never been identical to the story you were telling about yourself, and it doesn't disappear.
October 5, 2026 at 3:03 PM
The version of you that doesn't know who you are right now is still there, watching, noticing, experiencing. That witness has been continuously present through every version of your life. It's never been identical to the story you were telling about yourself, and it doesn't disappear.
Functional contextualism is the philosophical foundation of ACT. It holds that the meaning and function of any event, including a thought, a feeling, or a behavior, can only be understood in its context. Nothing means the same thing in all situations.
October 2, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Functional contextualism is the philosophical foundation of ACT. It holds that the meaning and function of any event, including a thought, a feeling, or a behavior, can only be understood in its context. Nothing means the same thing in all situations.
I want to be careful here, because this can sound abstract until it lands experientially. But there really is a sense of self that isn't made of moods or memories or stories, a stable place to stand while the mind does what it does.
September 30, 2026 at 3:04 PM
I want to be careful here, because this can sound abstract until it lands experientially. But there really is a sense of self that isn't made of moods or memories or stories, a stable place to stand while the mind does what it does.
What produces more durable change is a different foundation: the habit is connected to something you genuinely care about, so you can take the next step even when the enthusiasm has gone quiet.
September 28, 2026 at 3:03 PM
What produces more durable change is a different foundation: the habit is connected to something you genuinely care about, so you can take the next step even when the enthusiasm has gone quiet.
Your self-story is the ongoing narrative your mind constructs about who you are: your strengths, your failures, your limitations, your history, and what those things mean for your future. It's not entirely wrong; it contains real experiences. But it's also not entirely right.
September 25, 2026 at 3:04 PM
Your self-story is the ongoing narrative your mind constructs about who you are: your strengths, your failures, your limitations, your history, and what those things mean for your future. It's not entirely wrong; it contains real experiences. But it's also not entirely right.
We've been taught, in a thousand ways, that tolerating discomfort is just something you endure until it passes. But willingness isn't tolerance; it's an active, chosen stance that changes how you show up.
September 23, 2026 at 3:04 PM
We've been taught, in a thousand ways, that tolerating discomfort is just something you endure until it passes. But willingness isn't tolerance; it's an active, chosen stance that changes how you show up.
Acceptance doesn't mean you agree with what's happening or that you're done trying to build a better life. It means you stop adding unnecessary suffering on top of the pain that's already there.
September 21, 2026 at 3:04 PM
Acceptance doesn't mean you agree with what's happening or that you're done trying to build a better life. It means you stop adding unnecessary suffering on top of the pain that's already there.
Acceptance does not mean approving of what is happening, agreeing that it should be happening, or giving up the intention to change it. It means acknowledging that it is happening right now, without adding unnecessary resistance on top of the reality.
September 18, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Acceptance does not mean approving of what is happening, agreeing that it should be happening, or giving up the intention to change it. It means acknowledging that it is happening right now, without adding unnecessary resistance on top of the reality.
I ask people to look at this gap not with judgment, but with curiosity. Where the deviation is largest, you usually find the most suffering, and also the clearest signal about where change would actually mean something. Where does your own life show the biggest gap right now?
September 16, 2026 at 3:04 PM
I ask people to look at this gap not with judgment, but with curiosity. Where the deviation is largest, you usually find the most suffering, and also the clearest signal about where change would actually mean something. Where does your own life show the biggest gap right now?
One of the things we know fairly clearly is that it's often not the original event that keeps the suffering going; it's the organized effort to not think about it, not feel it, not contact it in any way. The goal isn't to relive what happened. It's to reduce the hold it has on your present life.
September 14, 2026 at 3:03 PM
One of the things we know fairly clearly is that it's often not the original event that keeps the suffering going; it's the organized effort to not think about it, not feel it, not contact it in any way. The goal isn't to relive what happened. It's to reduce the hold it has on your present life.
My co-authors and I just published something in Clinical Psychology Review, and it's open access. It's called "One Size Fits None: A Call for an Idionomic Revolution."
Read it here, for free: authors.elsevier.com/c/1nkyr~0r21...
Read it here, for free: authors.elsevier.com/c/1nkyr~0r21...
September 13, 2026 at 3:00 PM
My co-authors and I just published something in Clinical Psychology Review, and it's open access. It's called "One Size Fits None: A Call for an Idionomic Revolution."
Read it here, for free: authors.elsevier.com/c/1nkyr~0r21...
Read it here, for free: authors.elsevier.com/c/1nkyr~0r21...
Defusion is not about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. It is not about convincing yourself that things will be fine, or that you're capable, or that the fear isn't valid. It is about changing your relationship with your thoughts, not their content.
September 11, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Defusion is not about replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. It is not about convincing yourself that things will be fine, or that you're capable, or that the fear isn't valid. It is about changing your relationship with your thoughts, not their content.
When we get too attached to a fixed story about who we are, we start spending enormous energy protecting it. We need others to agree with it, we feel threatened when they don't, and we stop being genuinely curious about our own experience.
September 9, 2026 at 3:03 PM
When we get too attached to a fixed story about who we are, we start spending enormous energy protecting it. We need others to agree with it, we feel threatened when they don't, and we stop being genuinely curious about our own experience.
In my experience, the feeling of purposelessness almost always sits right next to something a person deeply cares about but has stopped moving toward. Purpose isn't something you construct from scratch. It's something you excavate.
September 7, 2026 at 3:02 PM
In my experience, the feeling of purposelessness almost always sits right next to something a person deeply cares about but has stopped moving toward. Purpose isn't something you construct from scratch. It's something you excavate.
Deictic frames are relational frames organized around a perspective, specifically around the distinctions between I and you, here and there, now and then. They're the building blocks of perspective-taking, the ability to mentally step into someone else's point of view.
September 4, 2026 at 3:02 PM
Deictic frames are relational frames organized around a perspective, specifically around the distinctions between I and you, here and there, now and then. They're the building blocks of perspective-taking, the ability to mentally step into someone else's point of view.
We spend a lot of time being frustrated with our minds for doing what minds do. A mind that anticipates threats is a mind that has kept human beings alive for a very long time. The issue isn't the worry; it's where you live in relation to it.
September 2, 2026 at 3:02 PM
We spend a lot of time being frustrated with our minds for doing what minds do. A mind that anticipates threats is a mind that has kept human beings alive for a very long time. The issue isn't the worry; it's where you live in relation to it.
The biggest driver of burnout isn't the volume of the work. It's the effort to manage the difficult feelings that come with it. What helps more than anything else is developing the capacity to feel those things without needing to resolve them first, and staying connected to why you chose this work.
August 31, 2026 at 3:04 PM
The biggest driver of burnout isn't the volume of the work. It's the effort to manage the difficult feelings that come with it. What helps more than anything else is developing the capacity to feel those things without needing to resolve them first, and staying connected to why you chose this work.
The Dictator Within is what I call the voice of your mind when it takes on an authoritarian character, issuing commands, issuing verdicts, and demanding compliance. It tells you what you should feel, what you must avoid, what you are, and what you're allowed to do.
August 28, 2026 at 3:03 PM
The Dictator Within is what I call the voice of your mind when it takes on an authoritarian character, issuing commands, issuing verdicts, and demanding compliance. It tells you what you should feel, what you must avoid, what you are, and what you're allowed to do.
Here's something I've come to believe after decades of this work: the capacity to be hurt is not a vulnerability to fix. It's evidence of a self that has been present through everything, holding all of it without being extinguished by any of it.
August 26, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Here's something I've come to believe after decades of this work: the capacity to be hurt is not a vulnerability to fix. It's evidence of a self that has been present through everything, holding all of it without being extinguished by any of it.
You don't start by changing your life. You start by taking one small step, in the direction of something that genuinely matters to you, in the presence of whatever you're feeling right now. Not after you feel ready. Not after the circumstances improve. Now, with what you have.
August 24, 2026 at 3:03 PM
You don't start by changing your life. You start by taking one small step, in the direction of something that genuinely matters to you, in the presence of whatever you're feeling right now. Not after you feel ready. Not after the circumstances improve. Now, with what you have.
Derived relations are the verbal connections we draw automatically, without being directly taught them, once we've learned a set of related facts. If I tell you that A is bigger than B, and B is bigger than C, you automatically know that A is bigger than C, even though I never said so.
August 21, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Derived relations are the verbal connections we draw automatically, without being directly taught them, once we've learned a set of related facts. If I tell you that A is bigger than B, and B is bigger than C, you automatically know that A is bigger than C, even though I never said so.
I know the word 'acceptance' makes people uncomfortable, especially clinicians trained to produce change. But acceptance was never about rolling over; it's about redirecting your energy toward something it can actually move.
August 19, 2026 at 3:04 PM
I know the word 'acceptance' makes people uncomfortable, especially clinicians trained to produce change. But acceptance was never about rolling over; it's about redirecting your energy toward something it can actually move.
That reaction makes complete sense, and high standards aren't usually the problem in themselves. The issue is when the standard is functioning as a shield, protecting you from the experience of imperfection, failure, or criticism.
August 17, 2026 at 3:03 PM
That reaction makes complete sense, and high standards aren't usually the problem in themselves. The issue is when the standard is functioning as a shield, protecting you from the experience of imperfection, failure, or criticism.
Augmenting refers to verbal processes that change how motivating or meaningful something is, by altering how it's related to other things we care about. In plain language, it's how framing something in a particular way changes how important it feels to us.
August 14, 2026 at 3:03 PM
Augmenting refers to verbal processes that change how motivating or meaningful something is, by altering how it's related to other things we care about. In plain language, it's how framing something in a particular way changes how important it feels to us.
I want to be direct about this: the internal work, the defusion, the acceptance, the values clarification, none of it counts for much if it doesn't eventually show up in what you actually do. The therapy session is preparation. Life is the practice.
August 12, 2026 at 3:03 PM
I want to be direct about this: the internal work, the defusion, the acceptance, the values clarification, none of it counts for much if it doesn't eventually show up in what you actually do. The therapy session is preparation. Life is the practice.