Teddypasketti
@teddypasketti.bsky.social
Federal civil servant, lawyer, no other info for you about me. My picture is Sam Lowry, not me.
My opinions are mine own and not my employer’s. My opinions. Let me underscore that: MY OPINIONS ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT MY EMPLOYER’S.
My opinions are mine own and not my employer’s. My opinions. Let me underscore that: MY OPINIONS ARE MOST CERTAINLY NOT MY EMPLOYER’S.
Me: There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world. A pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes…the pit sends something back.
Her: Allllllll I asked was what you thought of our new neighbor.
Me: Bane?
Her: No. It’s Tina.
Me: For you!
Her: Allllllll I asked was what you thought of our new neighbor.
Me: Bane?
Her: No. It’s Tina.
Me: For you!
September 18, 2026 at 10:48 AM
Me: There is a prison in a more ancient part of the world. A pit where men are thrown to suffer and die. But sometimes a man rises from the darkness. Sometimes…the pit sends something back.
Her: Allllllll I asked was what you thought of our new neighbor.
Me: Bane?
Her: No. It’s Tina.
Me: For you!
Her: Allllllll I asked was what you thought of our new neighbor.
Me: Bane?
Her: No. It’s Tina.
Me: For you!
My rideshare driver is chewing gum in a way that makes me physically nauseous.
Imagine that Nathan Fielder ASMR mouth noise in that trailer for the Elizabeth Holmes movie, amplify it by 170 percent, make it somehow *wetter*, and toss in some chew sounds.
I am crawling out of my skin. It’s awful.
Imagine that Nathan Fielder ASMR mouth noise in that trailer for the Elizabeth Holmes movie, amplify it by 170 percent, make it somehow *wetter*, and toss in some chew sounds.
I am crawling out of my skin. It’s awful.
September 18, 2026 at 1:10 AM
My rideshare driver is chewing gum in a way that makes me physically nauseous.
Imagine that Nathan Fielder ASMR mouth noise in that trailer for the Elizabeth Holmes movie, amplify it by 170 percent, make it somehow *wetter*, and toss in some chew sounds.
I am crawling out of my skin. It’s awful.
Imagine that Nathan Fielder ASMR mouth noise in that trailer for the Elizabeth Holmes movie, amplify it by 170 percent, make it somehow *wetter*, and toss in some chew sounds.
I am crawling out of my skin. It’s awful.
There is very little good news these days, but having the Supreme Court shoot down Trump’s mail-vote fuckery, knowing I get to celebrate McConnell’s death a second time some day soon, and Widow’s Bay sweeping the Emmys counts as a good day.
September 15, 2026 at 10:30 AM
There is very little good news these days, but having the Supreme Court shoot down Trump’s mail-vote fuckery, knowing I get to celebrate McConnell’s death a second time some day soon, and Widow’s Bay sweeping the Emmys counts as a good day.
The Northeast Market is the best hidden secret in this city.
September 14, 2026 at 2:56 PM
The Northeast Market is the best hidden secret in this city.
Tyler Loop, here comes the first test.
September 13, 2026 at 6:45 PM
Tyler Loop, here comes the first test.
Think about what getting rid of Harbaugh gained this city.
Think about what keeping Elias loses us.
Think about what keeping Elias loses us.
September 13, 2026 at 6:36 PM
Think about what getting rid of Harbaugh gained this city.
Think about what keeping Elias loses us.
Think about what keeping Elias loses us.
Fucking awesome. Video by me. Sound up. Art by Robert Jeffrey Alphin.
September 13, 2026 at 5:01 PM
Fucking awesome. Video by me. Sound up. Art by Robert Jeffrey Alphin.
Me, every time I leave the house:
Me: I’m heading out now. If I don’t return, avenge my death!
Her: [scrolling] Mmm-hmmm, have fun.
Thank you, The Simpsons.
Me: I’m heading out now. If I don’t return, avenge my death!
Her: [scrolling] Mmm-hmmm, have fun.
Thank you, The Simpsons.
September 11, 2026 at 2:39 AM
Me, every time I leave the house:
Me: I’m heading out now. If I don’t return, avenge my death!
Her: [scrolling] Mmm-hmmm, have fun.
Thank you, The Simpsons.
Me: I’m heading out now. If I don’t return, avenge my death!
Her: [scrolling] Mmm-hmmm, have fun.
Thank you, The Simpsons.
The great thing about watching an NFL game from Australia—and you really have to be paying attention to see this—when a QB throws the ball right handed it actually spins counterclockwise, and when a kicker kicks the ball it goes end over end underway instead of over the top end over end.
September 11, 2026 at 2:34 AM
The great thing about watching an NFL game from Australia—and you really have to be paying attention to see this—when a QB throws the ball right handed it actually spins counterclockwise, and when a kicker kicks the ball it goes end over end underway instead of over the top end over end.
“There’s a chance the Orioles make the playoffs. There is.”
September 11, 2026 at 2:29 AM
“There’s a chance the Orioles make the playoffs. There is.”
Reposted by Teddypasketti
I love Pete Alonso and hate Mike Elias.
The 2022 and 2023 Orioles were successful because they hit the ball everywhere, but somehow our fucking GM can’t see that.
The 2022 and 2023 Orioles were successful because they hit the ball everywhere, but somehow our fucking GM can’t see that.
this is infuriating
September 8, 2026 at 8:11 PM
I love Pete Alonso and hate Mike Elias.
The 2022 and 2023 Orioles were successful because they hit the ball everywhere, but somehow our fucking GM can’t see that.
The 2022 and 2023 Orioles were successful because they hit the ball everywhere, but somehow our fucking GM can’t see that.
I won’t bore you with details, but tonight at some point, after a long day of baseball and sun, I debated going home and then thought of two pieces of advice I’d gotten years ago: (1) when in doubt, go out; (2) when faced with a crossroads, take the path that ends in a better story.
September 8, 2026 at 2:52 AM
I won’t bore you with details, but tonight at some point, after a long day of baseball and sun, I debated going home and then thought of two pieces of advice I’d gotten years ago: (1) when in doubt, go out; (2) when faced with a crossroads, take the path that ends in a better story.
The ladies say hi, @alainnfocail.bsky.social
September 7, 2026 at 5:37 PM
The ladies say hi, @alainnfocail.bsky.social
I’ll take these seats today. Thanks Indians PR tertiary acquaintance!
September 7, 2026 at 5:07 PM
I’ll take these seats today. Thanks Indians PR tertiary acquaintance!
If you are at the game, the guy in the pitching ninja shirt on the field is me.
September 7, 2026 at 4:45 PM
If you are at the game, the guy in the pitching ninja shirt on the field is me.
How soon before opening pitch is batting practice? If we want to see that, what time should we get there today?
September 7, 2026 at 1:38 PM
How soon before opening pitch is batting practice? If we want to see that, what time should we get there today?
Nathan Fielder one day will win an Oscar. I really believe this.
September 7, 2026 at 5:32 AM
Nathan Fielder one day will win an Oscar. I really believe this.
There were a lot of people who insisted firing Harbaugh was not the answer, and a lot of it sounds like the same things being said about firing Elias. “He brought us playoffs,” “He has a record of success,” “The problem isn’t him,” etc. The Ravens offed Harbaugh and the Ravens look gelled and ready.
September 6, 2026 at 1:16 PM
There were a lot of people who insisted firing Harbaugh was not the answer, and a lot of it sounds like the same things being said about firing Elias. “He brought us playoffs,” “He has a record of success,” “The problem isn’t him,” etc. The Ravens offed Harbaugh and the Ravens look gelled and ready.
I want it noted for the record that as recently as at least last week the Orioles were—no shit—selling (with refunds in 90 days or whatever if it didn’t happen) tickets to the Wild Card game. At home. The odds of which, it being a home game, were somewhere near absolute zero.
I mean come on.
I mean come on.
September 6, 2026 at 1:08 PM
I want it noted for the record that as recently as at least last week the Orioles were—no shit—selling (with refunds in 90 days or whatever if it didn’t happen) tickets to the Wild Card game. At home. The odds of which, it being a home game, were somewhere near absolute zero.
I mean come on.
I mean come on.
No matter how disappointed I am in this Orioles season there can be no greater anguish than that felt by every single fan of Western Michigan football this weekend.
September 6, 2026 at 12:57 PM
No matter how disappointed I am in this Orioles season there can be no greater anguish than that felt by every single fan of Western Michigan football this weekend.
Did a little day trip downee owshun, hon. Baltimore is great because you are 2.5 hours from the beach and it’s close enough to go down in the morning, hang out on the beach, grab a drink and some apps and be home
In your own bed without paying out the ads for a hotel. $500 a night! No thanks.
In your own bed without paying out the ads for a hotel. $500 a night! No thanks.
September 6, 2026 at 4:52 AM
Did a little day trip downee owshun, hon. Baltimore is great because you are 2.5 hours from the beach and it’s close enough to go down in the morning, hang out on the beach, grab a drink and some apps and be home
In your own bed without paying out the ads for a hotel. $500 a night! No thanks.
In your own bed without paying out the ads for a hotel. $500 a night! No thanks.
My son’s fraternity does a shot a score for their college football team.
He goes to Virginia Tech.
They won 73-3 today.
He goes to Virginia Tech.
They won 73-3 today.
September 6, 2026 at 4:29 AM
My son’s fraternity does a shot a score for their college football team.
He goes to Virginia Tech.
They won 73-3 today.
He goes to Virginia Tech.
They won 73-3 today.
So, sometimes you get on an absolute riff with people you love, and then alcohol gets involved, and then you are both very solid writers and then it all culminates with this bizarre coda at 3:20 in the morning. Don’t judge me. You have no reason to judge me. You *can’t* judge me. And you know why.
September 5, 2026 at 7:23 AM
So, sometimes you get on an absolute riff with people you love, and then alcohol gets involved, and then you are both very solid writers and then it all culminates with this bizarre coda at 3:20 in the morning. Don’t judge me. You have no reason to judge me. You *can’t* judge me. And you know why.
Adley’s likely to grand slam here.
September 5, 2026 at 12:56 AM
Adley’s likely to grand slam here.