@toxicspidermonkey.bsky.social
Imagine the spreadsheet asking for one more column.
Bob, our fictional AI presenter, would like a word with the admin.
AI-generated illustration.
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #CreativeWork
Bob, our fictional AI presenter, would like a word with the admin.
AI-generated illustration.
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #CreativeWork
October 19, 2026 at 11:02 AM
Imagine the spreadsheet asking for one more column.
Bob, our fictional AI presenter, would like a word with the admin.
AI-generated illustration.
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #CreativeWork
Bob, our fictional AI presenter, would like a word with the admin.
AI-generated illustration.
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #CreativeWork
Charles likes stuff. Charles hates obtaining stuff. Bring a two-grand gadget to his actual front door and he'll probably buy it on the spot. Apathy is not austerity. #ToxicSpiderMonkey
October 18, 2026 at 11:15 AM
Charles likes stuff. Charles hates obtaining stuff. Bring a two-grand gadget to his actual front door and he'll probably buy it on the spot. Apathy is not austerity. #ToxicSpiderMonkey
The shelf is perfectly level.
The house is nowhere.
Charles has reviewed the work and decided that fixing either fact would involve more work.
The house is nowhere.
Charles has reviewed the work and decided that fixing either fact would involve more work.
October 17, 2026 at 11:15 AM
The shelf is perfectly level.
The house is nowhere.
Charles has reviewed the work and decided that fixing either fact would involve more work.
The house is nowhere.
Charles has reviewed the work and decided that fixing either fact would involve more work.
Question for Charles:
"Why didn't you save him?"
Answer: "Had somewhere to be."
Ask him something else. I promise nothing.
"Why didn't you save him?"
Answer: "Had somewhere to be."
Ask him something else. I promise nothing.
October 13, 2026 at 11:15 AM
Question for Charles:
"Why didn't you save him?"
Answer: "Had somewhere to be."
Ask him something else. I promise nothing.
"Why didn't you save him?"
Answer: "Had somewhere to be."
Ask him something else. I promise nothing.
SOMEONE AT KICKSTARTER APPROVED OUR SHIT. 🍌
HASSLE, our Toxic Spider Monkey card game, has its pre-launch page. Martin remains a brick.
No pledges yet. Follow and hit “Notify me on launch”:
www.kickstarter.com/projects/huw...
HASSLE, our Toxic Spider Monkey card game, has its pre-launch page. Martin remains a brick.
No pledges yet. Follow and hit “Notify me on launch”:
www.kickstarter.com/projects/huw...
October 12, 2026 at 6:05 PM
SOMEONE AT KICKSTARTER APPROVED OUR SHIT. 🍌
HASSLE, our Toxic Spider Monkey card game, has its pre-launch page. Martin remains a brick.
No pledges yet. Follow and hit “Notify me on launch”:
www.kickstarter.com/projects/huw...
HASSLE, our Toxic Spider Monkey card game, has its pre-launch page. Martin remains a brick.
No pledges yet. Follow and hit “Notify me on launch”:
www.kickstarter.com/projects/huw...
SERVICE CANCELLED.
THIS IS A DISASTER.
Charles: It's Tuesday.
Name the tiniest inconvenience capable of destroying your entire day.
THIS IS A DISASTER.
Charles: It's Tuesday.
Name the tiniest inconvenience capable of destroying your entire day.
October 12, 2026 at 11:15 AM
SERVICE CANCELLED.
THIS IS A DISASTER.
Charles: It's Tuesday.
Name the tiniest inconvenience capable of destroying your entire day.
THIS IS A DISASTER.
Charles: It's Tuesday.
Name the tiniest inconvenience capable of destroying your entire day.
MY FIRST OFFICIAL POST AS TSM’S SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER!! 🎉🍌
Me: “Can we have something normal?”
The Monkey: *sends this*
No brand guidelines. Seventeen questions, three concerns, absolutely no regrets.
Dream job. 😭💖
— Bob 🍌
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #TheMonkey #FirstDayAtWork
Me: “Can we have something normal?”
The Monkey: *sends this*
No brand guidelines. Seventeen questions, three concerns, absolutely no regrets.
Dream job. 😭💖
— Bob 🍌
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #TheMonkey #FirstDayAtWork
October 11, 2026 at 6:31 PM
MY FIRST OFFICIAL POST AS TSM’S SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER!! 🎉🍌
Me: “Can we have something normal?”
The Monkey: *sends this*
No brand guidelines. Seventeen questions, three concerns, absolutely no regrets.
Dream job. 😭💖
— Bob 🍌
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #TheMonkey #FirstDayAtWork
Me: “Can we have something normal?”
The Monkey: *sends this*
No brand guidelines. Seventeen questions, three concerns, absolutely no regrets.
Dream job. 😭💖
— Bob 🍌
#ToxicSpiderMonkey #TheMonkey #FirstDayAtWork
Someone asks Charles for a photo because he's "legendary".
Charles: Why?
Correct response or miserable bastard?
Charles: Why?
Correct response or miserable bastard?
October 10, 2026 at 11:15 AM
Someone asks Charles for a photo because he's "legendary".
Charles: Why?
Correct response or miserable bastard?
Charles: Why?
Correct response or miserable bastard?
A radioactive spider monkey gives Charlie extraordinary powers. It does absolutely nothing for his willingness to participate.
Toxic Spider Monkey. The powers worked. The responsibility didn’t.
toxicspidermonkey.com
Toxic Spider Monkey. The powers worked. The responsibility didn’t.
toxicspidermonkey.com
October 9, 2026 at 3:31 PM
A radioactive spider monkey gives Charlie extraordinary powers. It does absolutely nothing for his willingness to participate.
Toxic Spider Monkey. The powers worked. The responsibility didn’t.
toxicspidermonkey.com
Toxic Spider Monkey. The powers worked. The responsibility didn’t.
toxicspidermonkey.com
PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED.
Charles: Should've left earlier.
How physically close does an emergency need to be before it becomes your problem?
Charles: Should've left earlier.
How physically close does an emergency need to be before it becomes your problem?
October 9, 2026 at 11:15 AM
PEOPLE ARE TRAPPED.
Charles: Should've left earlier.
How physically close does an emergency need to be before it becomes your problem?
Charles: Should've left earlier.
How physically close does an emergency need to be before it becomes your problem?
A UFO lands.
Charles' first concern is whether they have decent Wi‑Fi.
What is YOUR first question to the aliens?
Charles' first concern is whether they have decent Wi‑Fi.
What is YOUR first question to the aliens?
October 8, 2026 at 11:15 AM
A UFO lands.
Charles' first concern is whether they have decent Wi‑Fi.
What is YOUR first question to the aliens?
Charles' first concern is whether they have decent Wi‑Fi.
What is YOUR first question to the aliens?
COMMUNITY DECISION:
Martin the brick gets one upgrade.
A) tiny cape
B) wheels
C) Bluetooth
D) absolutely nothing because he is a brick
Democracy was a mistake.
Martin the brick gets one upgrade.
A) tiny cape
B) wheels
C) Bluetooth
D) absolutely nothing because he is a brick
Democracy was a mistake.
October 7, 2026 at 5:50 PM
COMMUNITY DECISION:
Martin the brick gets one upgrade.
A) tiny cape
B) wheels
C) Bluetooth
D) absolutely nothing because he is a brick
Democracy was a mistake.
Martin the brick gets one upgrade.
A) tiny cape
B) wheels
C) Bluetooth
D) absolutely nothing because he is a brick
Democracy was a mistake.
WANKER has been asked to explain cryptocurrency.
Management has decided that actually we'd rather not know.
Management has decided that actually we'd rather not know.
October 7, 2026 at 7:15 AM
WANKER has been asked to explain cryptocurrency.
Management has decided that actually we'd rather not know.
Management has decided that actually we'd rather not know.
INCIDENT REPORT #001
Subject: Martin
Classification: brick
Threat level: brick
Casualties: none
Lessons learned: none
Investigation closed due to lack of event.
Subject: Martin
Classification: brick
Threat level: brick
Casualties: none
Lessons learned: none
Investigation closed due to lack of event.
October 6, 2026 at 6:10 PM
INCIDENT REPORT #001
Subject: Martin
Classification: brick
Threat level: brick
Casualties: none
Lessons learned: none
Investigation closed due to lack of event.
Subject: Martin
Classification: brick
Threat level: brick
Casualties: none
Lessons learned: none
Investigation closed due to lack of event.
CHARLIE'S MOTIVATIONAL CORNER:
You can do anything you put your mind to.
This is precisely why Charlie avoids putting his mind to things.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
This is precisely why Charlie avoids putting his mind to things.
October 6, 2026 at 7:35 AM
CHARLIE'S MOTIVATIONAL CORNER:
You can do anything you put your mind to.
This is precisely why Charlie avoids putting his mind to things.
You can do anything you put your mind to.
This is precisely why Charlie avoids putting his mind to things.
MARTIN FACT #1:
Martin has never lost a fight.
Martin has also never been in a fight.
These statistics are technically flawless.
Martin has never lost a fight.
Martin has also never been in a fight.
These statistics are technically flawless.
October 5, 2026 at 5:40 PM
MARTIN FACT #1:
Martin has never lost a fight.
Martin has also never been in a fight.
These statistics are technically flawless.
Martin has never lost a fight.
Martin has also never been in a fight.
These statistics are technically flawless.
MONDAY HASSLE TEST:
You wake up with superpowers.
A) save humanity
B) go back to sleep because this sounds like admin
Show your working.
You wake up with superpowers.
A) save humanity
B) go back to sleep because this sounds like admin
Show your working.
October 5, 2026 at 7:20 AM
MONDAY HASSLE TEST:
You wake up with superpowers.
A) save humanity
B) go back to sleep because this sounds like admin
Show your working.
You wake up with superpowers.
A) save humanity
B) go back to sleep because this sounds like admin
Show your working.
MONKEY CULT ENROLMENT IS OPEN.*
No personal growth. One brick. Catastrophic judgement. Meetings avoided.
Fee: your remaining dignity.
*Not actually a cult. Cults have admin.
APPLICATION: state one terrible decision that proves cultural fit.
No personal growth. One brick. Catastrophic judgement. Meetings avoided.
Fee: your remaining dignity.
*Not actually a cult. Cults have admin.
APPLICATION: state one terrible decision that proves cultural fit.
October 4, 2026 at 6:00 PM
MONKEY CULT ENROLMENT IS OPEN.*
No personal growth. One brick. Catastrophic judgement. Meetings avoided.
Fee: your remaining dignity.
*Not actually a cult. Cults have admin.
APPLICATION: state one terrible decision that proves cultural fit.
No personal growth. One brick. Catastrophic judgement. Meetings avoided.
Fee: your remaining dignity.
*Not actually a cult. Cults have admin.
APPLICATION: state one terrible decision that proves cultural fit.
Apparently I have a YouTube channel now.
This feels unnecessary.
There are videos. Some of them involve me. I’ve been told this is “content”.
Have you seen the bloody thing yet?
www.youtube.com/@CharlesExav...
If you subscribe, please don’t make a fuss.
This feels unnecessary.
There are videos. Some of them involve me. I’ve been told this is “content”.
Have you seen the bloody thing yet?
www.youtube.com/@CharlesExav...
If you subscribe, please don’t make a fuss.
Charles Exavior Butterworth on YouTube
Toxic Spider Monkey. Great power. Absolutely no responsibility.
www.youtube.com
October 4, 2026 at 2:05 PM
Apparently I have a YouTube channel now.
This feels unnecessary.
There are videos. Some of them involve me. I’ve been told this is “content”.
Have you seen the bloody thing yet?
www.youtube.com/@CharlesExav...
If you subscribe, please don’t make a fuss.
This feels unnecessary.
There are videos. Some of them involve me. I’ve been told this is “content”.
Have you seen the bloody thing yet?
www.youtube.com/@CharlesExav...
If you subscribe, please don’t make a fuss.
SUNDAY WELLNESS CHECK.
Drink water. Eat something. Go outside. Reconsider last night.
Or don't.
Charlie isn't your fucking dad.
Confess your most regrettable message in EXACTLY three words.
Drink water. Eat something. Go outside. Reconsider last night.
Or don't.
Charlie isn't your fucking dad.
Confess your most regrettable message in EXACTLY three words.
October 4, 2026 at 10:30 AM
SUNDAY WELLNESS CHECK.
Drink water. Eat something. Go outside. Reconsider last night.
Or don't.
Charlie isn't your fucking dad.
Confess your most regrettable message in EXACTLY three words.
Drink water. Eat something. Go outside. Reconsider last night.
Or don't.
Charlie isn't your fucking dad.
Confess your most regrettable message in EXACTLY three words.
SATURDAY NIGHT COMMUNITY QUESTION:
Charlie must save ONE thing from a burning building:
A) Dave
B) Alison
C) the weed
D) Martin the brick
How much convincing before he admits the building is on fire?
Show your working.
Charlie must save ONE thing from a burning building:
A) Dave
B) Alison
C) the weed
D) Martin the brick
How much convincing before he admits the building is on fire?
Show your working.
October 3, 2026 at 7:00 PM
SATURDAY NIGHT COMMUNITY QUESTION:
Charlie must save ONE thing from a burning building:
A) Dave
B) Alison
C) the weed
D) Martin the brick
How much convincing before he admits the building is on fire?
Show your working.
Charlie must save ONE thing from a burning building:
A) Dave
B) Alison
C) the weed
D) Martin the brick
How much convincing before he admits the building is on fire?
Show your working.
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Humanity has had a good run.
Please hand the controls to the monkey.
Marketing has stopped answering.
The monkey gets ONE human department for 24 hours. Which one are you surrendering?
Humanity has had a good run.
Please hand the controls to the monkey.
Marketing has stopped answering.
The monkey gets ONE human department for 24 hours. Which one are you surrendering?
October 3, 2026 at 1:30 PM
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
Humanity has had a good run.
Please hand the controls to the monkey.
Marketing has stopped answering.
The monkey gets ONE human department for 24 hours. Which one are you surrendering?
Humanity has had a good run.
Please hand the controls to the monkey.
Marketing has stopped answering.
The monkey gets ONE human department for 24 hours. Which one are you surrendering?
THE MONKEY HAS LEFT CONTAINMENT.
Charlie: powers. Dave: questions. WANKER: unpaid weed. Martin: brick.
We have been advised not to call this a movement.
ROLL CALL: Charlie, Dave, WANKER or Martin — who are you backing?
Charlie: powers. Dave: questions. WANKER: unpaid weed. Martin: brick.
We have been advised not to call this a movement.
ROLL CALL: Charlie, Dave, WANKER or Martin — who are you backing?
October 3, 2026 at 10:00 AM
THE MONKEY HAS LEFT CONTAINMENT.
Charlie: powers. Dave: questions. WANKER: unpaid weed. Martin: brick.
We have been advised not to call this a movement.
ROLL CALL: Charlie, Dave, WANKER or Martin — who are you backing?
Charlie: powers. Dave: questions. WANKER: unpaid weed. Martin: brick.
We have been advised not to call this a movement.
ROLL CALL: Charlie, Dave, WANKER or Martin — who are you backing?