gonna tweet something real fucking depressing, just keep scrolling, if you see it no you didn't.

my manager today, after I not only answered the phone, but also referred an account to someone:

I genuinely have no idea if I've lost weight/gained muscle going to the gym almost every day since August bc I really have no perception of what I actually truly look like- but I haven't kms soooo it's working for something..

Tonight's agenda is to get high- but it's different from every other night bc I have a migraine, so instead of getting high to build legos, I'll be getting high and putting a cold cap on

I just killed a big spider with a (potentially pregnant) butt. It's January, why the hell are you not dead???? I shouldn't have to be dealing with this rn!!!

Sometimes I think back to the playlist I found months ago that's like "dgd discography minus trash Andrew Wells" but they include jackpot juicer and nothing shameful on it. Like, bud if you're going to be wrong, at least follow through

This might say something about me (it definitely does), but when you start a new job and everyone decorates your station, and is really, really nice- it makes me want to peel off my skin. Y'know?

I need an app that only has cute videos and doesn't tell me anything about politics. I know what's happening, I know there's literally nothing I can do, just show me cat videos and shut up, please!!!!

It's not a true twitter replacement until someone is unhinged enough to fck a mcchicken

i can't wait for my psych analysis (spotify wrapped)

I downloaded the Finch app where it's a checklist but you take care of a penguin (my mental health is in the toilet), and every time I'm not having a good day I put him in a green squirrel suit- if you get it, you get it.

So like how long on this app before I can complain and say I'm going to Kurt Cobain myself?

I had the opportunity to finally make my username "samwitch" without any numbers or underscores, for once, and I didn't take it. I could've been the first "samwitch" and have been really cool, and everyone named Sam would envy me.