@aliasincognito.bsky.social
I’m not the person you’re thinking of, but just in case, I hear that guy has an above average wiener
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Me and my BlueSky mutuals
July 10, 2026 at 4:23 AM
Me and my BlueSky mutuals
In 2012, I was repeatedly told by complete strangers that I looked like Paul Ryan. I was never sure if it was a compliment or an insult
July 10, 2026 at 3:08 AM
In 2012, I was repeatedly told by complete strangers that I looked like Paul Ryan. I was never sure if it was a compliment or an insult
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Becoming a celebrated man of our era is taking much longer than I expected
July 8, 2026 at 9:20 PM
Becoming a celebrated man of our era is taking much longer than I expected
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Used all my tin foil this morning, and I wasn't even making hats.
July 6, 2026 at 3:25 PM
Used all my tin foil this morning, and I wasn't even making hats.
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Some days are just too fucking much
July 6, 2026 at 8:25 PM
Some days are just too fucking much
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Would you still love me if I died of heat stroke?
July 4, 2026 at 5:07 PM
Would you still love me if I died of heat stroke?
Dogs when you don’t completely close the bathroom door
July 3, 2026 at 8:32 PM
Dogs when you don’t completely close the bathroom door
How do I know if I have the explosive diarrhea parasite or just regular explosive diarrhea?
July 2, 2026 at 12:09 AM
How do I know if I have the explosive diarrhea parasite or just regular explosive diarrhea?
King Kong movies are inaccurate because he’d definitely have a very conspicuous ape wiener. I guess it would distract some from the plot, but the real distraction is the obvious omission of a giant furry gorilla beanbag swinging to and fro while he swats at helicopters
June 30, 2026 at 2:26 AM
King Kong movies are inaccurate because he’d definitely have a very conspicuous ape wiener. I guess it would distract some from the plot, but the real distraction is the obvious omission of a giant furry gorilla beanbag swinging to and fro while he swats at helicopters
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Releasing myself into the wild
June 28, 2026 at 10:58 PM
Releasing myself into the wild
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Wanna come over and paint Shrek buttholes with me?
June 20, 2026 at 1:14 AM
Wanna come over and paint Shrek buttholes with me?
Women would rather point out that you keep shitting your pants at Benihana than going to therapy
May 30, 2026 at 11:41 PM
Women would rather point out that you keep shitting your pants at Benihana than going to therapy
If you tell me to watch what I say because I’m on speaker phone, I will scream PENIS until you hang up
May 30, 2026 at 10:08 PM
If you tell me to watch what I say because I’m on speaker phone, I will scream PENIS until you hang up
The Mandalorian AND Grogu? In this economy?!!
May 16, 2026 at 1:50 AM
The Mandalorian AND Grogu? In this economy?!!
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This is going to be a completely wholesome account from now on.
Anybody who has a problem with that can get fucked.
Anybody who has a problem with that can get fucked.
May 12, 2026 at 1:23 AM
This is going to be a completely wholesome account from now on.
Anybody who has a problem with that can get fucked.
Anybody who has a problem with that can get fucked.
The me that was going to cook a healthy dinner no longer exists. There’s only handfuls of shredded cheese me now
May 8, 2026 at 11:49 PM
The me that was going to cook a healthy dinner no longer exists. There’s only handfuls of shredded cheese me now
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Me as a minister on Easter Sunday
"Please open your Bible to Psalm....BODY ONCE TOLD ME..."
"Please open your Bible to Psalm....BODY ONCE TOLD ME..."
April 6, 2026 at 1:52 AM
Me as a minister on Easter Sunday
"Please open your Bible to Psalm....BODY ONCE TOLD ME..."
"Please open your Bible to Psalm....BODY ONCE TOLD ME..."
Wow. Must be lonely up there on top of Mt. CanTrustAFart
April 6, 2026 at 11:18 PM
Wow. Must be lonely up there on top of Mt. CanTrustAFart
Cuts grass for the first time in the Spring: This isn’t so bad, why do I hate this so much?
Cuts grass for second time: Oh yeah, that’s right. Fuck this!
Cuts grass for second time: Oh yeah, that’s right. Fuck this!
April 3, 2026 at 9:07 PM
Cuts grass for the first time in the Spring: This isn’t so bad, why do I hate this so much?
Cuts grass for second time: Oh yeah, that’s right. Fuck this!
Cuts grass for second time: Oh yeah, that’s right. Fuck this!
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rip jesus. you would have loved chicken nuggets
April 3, 2026 at 7:31 PM
rip jesus. you would have loved chicken nuggets
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How many times a day do you think about butts?
March 26, 2026 at 4:11 AM
How many times a day do you think about butts?
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'tis better to have jizzed and lost than never to have jizzed at all
March 26, 2026 at 2:36 PM
'tis better to have jizzed and lost than never to have jizzed at all
CEO of Waffle House needs to fight someone
March 7, 2026 at 6:20 PM
CEO of Waffle House needs to fight someone
Neighbor: Ugh, I have to have a colonoscopy next Tuesday. The joys of getting older right?
Me: Hey, you get to do drugs and butt stuff on a Tuesday. Under different circumstances that could be an alright time
My wife: This is why I tell you not to talk to the neighbors
Me: Hey, you get to do drugs and butt stuff on a Tuesday. Under different circumstances that could be an alright time
My wife: This is why I tell you not to talk to the neighbors
February 27, 2026 at 3:32 AM
Neighbor: Ugh, I have to have a colonoscopy next Tuesday. The joys of getting older right?
Me: Hey, you get to do drugs and butt stuff on a Tuesday. Under different circumstances that could be an alright time
My wife: This is why I tell you not to talk to the neighbors
Me: Hey, you get to do drugs and butt stuff on a Tuesday. Under different circumstances that could be an alright time
My wife: This is why I tell you not to talk to the neighbors
Don’t worry. I’ve got something romantic planned for this evening
February 14, 2026 at 10:38 PM
Don’t worry. I’ve got something romantic planned for this evening