@allisondeclares.bsky.social
Today I am going to do the worst thing that anyone could ever do. Clean the bathroom. Like actually clean it
September 19, 2026 at 7:40 PM
Today I am going to do the worst thing that anyone could ever do. Clean the bathroom. Like actually clean it
I read one of the tributes to Dolly and it mentioned her husband of 59 years. For a second I thought that was his age and I thought “Okay, Dolly!” But then realized it was how long they were married
August 25, 2026 at 8:05 PM
I read one of the tributes to Dolly and it mentioned her husband of 59 years. For a second I thought that was his age and I thought “Okay, Dolly!” But then realized it was how long they were married
I am enraged to once again discover that getting a certain amount of exercise makes me feel a noticeable amount more happy about being a person
August 4, 2026 at 11:11 PM
I am enraged to once again discover that getting a certain amount of exercise makes me feel a noticeable amount more happy about being a person
There are too many traffic lights in the american south for anyone to be designing cars to stop blowing a/c when the car is stopped
July 18, 2026 at 4:24 PM
There are too many traffic lights in the american south for anyone to be designing cars to stop blowing a/c when the car is stopped
Last night I dreamed I had a ponytail. What stage of perimenopause is that
July 17, 2026 at 2:47 AM
Last night I dreamed I had a ponytail. What stage of perimenopause is that
There should be a feature on LinkedIn where you can translate the posting for your previous role. “Collaborating with all departments to meet goals in this job means you will be a personal email assistant for entry level staff who, by their own admission, just don’t like responding to emails”
June 13, 2026 at 1:18 AM
There should be a feature on LinkedIn where you can translate the posting for your previous role. “Collaborating with all departments to meet goals in this job means you will be a personal email assistant for entry level staff who, by their own admission, just don’t like responding to emails”
I haven’t been able to meal prep in a few months due to burnout, but I cooked today. I made nachos. Nature is healing
June 7, 2026 at 4:58 PM
I haven’t been able to meal prep in a few months due to burnout, but I cooked today. I made nachos. Nature is healing
I just realized, all of a sudden, that nothing is stopping me from making nachos with cool ranch doritos
June 5, 2026 at 7:07 PM
I just realized, all of a sudden, that nothing is stopping me from making nachos with cool ranch doritos
My coworker returned from vacation, so this afternoon we are going to debrief whats happened while she was out. She will tell me about Italy, and I will tell her about how our coworker pepper sprayed himself intentionally just to see how bad it really is
June 4, 2026 at 3:39 PM
My coworker returned from vacation, so this afternoon we are going to debrief whats happened while she was out. She will tell me about Italy, and I will tell her about how our coworker pepper sprayed himself intentionally just to see how bad it really is
“If you stay angry, you don’t have to get angry”
- me at work yesterday
- me at work yesterday
May 21, 2026 at 7:10 PM
“If you stay angry, you don’t have to get angry”
- me at work yesterday
- me at work yesterday
Its a critical time. Sunday at 5pm. Will I take a nap and ruin my bedtime, or will I be strong.
May 17, 2026 at 9:53 PM
Its a critical time. Sunday at 5pm. Will I take a nap and ruin my bedtime, or will I be strong.
My coworker said she named her cats Maple and Sage. I said, like types of sausage?
I am a horrible person but I have no regrets
I am a horrible person but I have no regrets
May 8, 2026 at 2:15 AM
My coworker said she named her cats Maple and Sage. I said, like types of sausage?
I am a horrible person but I have no regrets
I am a horrible person but I have no regrets
This week’s burnout meal plan:
Ordering fajitas from a Mexican restaurant until I run out and then ordering more fajitas from a Mexican restaurant
Ordering fajitas from a Mexican restaurant until I run out and then ordering more fajitas from a Mexican restaurant
May 3, 2026 at 8:26 PM
This week’s burnout meal plan:
Ordering fajitas from a Mexican restaurant until I run out and then ordering more fajitas from a Mexican restaurant
Ordering fajitas from a Mexican restaurant until I run out and then ordering more fajitas from a Mexican restaurant
Level of burnout:
I am addicted to all of the daily puzzles on LinkedIn
I am addicted to all of the daily puzzles on LinkedIn
April 30, 2026 at 3:41 AM
Level of burnout:
I am addicted to all of the daily puzzles on LinkedIn
I am addicted to all of the daily puzzles on LinkedIn
I left the office at 2pm today to avoid driving in the storms
The storms are set to arrive between 8 and 10pm
The storms are set to arrive between 8 and 10pm
April 27, 2026 at 11:48 PM
I left the office at 2pm today to avoid driving in the storms
The storms are set to arrive between 8 and 10pm
The storms are set to arrive between 8 and 10pm
Current phase of burnout:
I decided instead of cooking any food this week my meals will be either chips and dip or pop tarts
I did buy two bags of salad for performative reasons
I decided instead of cooking any food this week my meals will be either chips and dip or pop tarts
I did buy two bags of salad for performative reasons
April 19, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Current phase of burnout:
I decided instead of cooking any food this week my meals will be either chips and dip or pop tarts
I did buy two bags of salad for performative reasons
I decided instead of cooking any food this week my meals will be either chips and dip or pop tarts
I did buy two bags of salad for performative reasons
I used credit card rewards to get an amazon gift card. I was going to buy a fancy vacuum mop. But now I think I just want a year’s supply of magnesium to help me sleep. This is what my life has come to
April 18, 2026 at 2:10 AM
I used credit card rewards to get an amazon gift card. I was going to buy a fancy vacuum mop. But now I think I just want a year’s supply of magnesium to help me sleep. This is what my life has come to
Reposted
This is Sadie. She was finally reunited with her human, astronaut Christina Koch, after her mom’s voyage around the moon took her the furthest any human has ever been from their dog. She can't wait to hear all about the universe. 14/10 (IG: astro_christina)
April 13, 2026 at 3:21 PM
This is Sadie. She was finally reunited with her human, astronaut Christina Koch, after her mom’s voyage around the moon took her the furthest any human has ever been from their dog. She can't wait to hear all about the universe. 14/10 (IG: astro_christina)
I am “better pop my rib back into place” years old
Apparently
Apparently
April 14, 2026 at 1:11 AM
I am “better pop my rib back into place” years old
Apparently
Apparently
Gen Z makes a name for things people have been doing for centuries and acts like it was their idea. “Opening a window” is now “burping your house”
Opening a window. They think they invented opening a window.
Opening a window. They think they invented opening a window.
April 12, 2026 at 8:46 PM
Gen Z makes a name for things people have been doing for centuries and acts like it was their idea. “Opening a window” is now “burping your house”
Opening a window. They think they invented opening a window.
Opening a window. They think they invented opening a window.
Watching this astronaut retrieval, one wonders, was a helicopter the right choice
April 11, 2026 at 1:49 AM
Watching this astronaut retrieval, one wonders, was a helicopter the right choice
Why didn’t anyone from the 70s tell us this splash down rescue takes 2 hours. This wasn’t in the movies
April 11, 2026 at 1:12 AM
Why didn’t anyone from the 70s tell us this splash down rescue takes 2 hours. This wasn’t in the movies
If a man won’t fly to the moon and name a spot after me I am not interested
April 8, 2026 at 2:51 AM
If a man won’t fly to the moon and name a spot after me I am not interested
Victor Glover is one moon description away from the Calm app recruiting him to narrate their next sleep story
April 7, 2026 at 4:47 AM
Victor Glover is one moon description away from the Calm app recruiting him to narrate their next sleep story
The astronauts are currently having a conversation with mission control about which window to take pictures out of, and they don’t agree with each other, and it’s making me feel better about all of my work meetings
April 6, 2026 at 5:44 PM
The astronauts are currently having a conversation with mission control about which window to take pictures out of, and they don’t agree with each other, and it’s making me feel better about all of my work meetings