Whoever honks at me when I’m running, please just text me later, because even if I smile and wave, I never have any idea who honked at me 🫠
August 28, 2026 at 5:49 AM
Whoever honks at me when I’m running, please just text me later, because even if I smile and wave, I never have any idea who honked at me 🫠
I’m just gonna say it: showing a tip screen for u-pick berries might be a step too far, lol
June 15, 2026 at 9:04 PM
I’m just gonna say it: showing a tip screen for u-pick berries might be a step too far, lol
Oh, nothing, just foreign agents providing instructions that clearly rely entirely on AI, charging their clients for it, and telling us to do things that are so blatantly outside of accepted practice. 👀 🚩
May 2, 2026 at 2:34 AM
Oh, nothing, just foreign agents providing instructions that clearly rely entirely on AI, charging their clients for it, and telling us to do things that are so blatantly outside of accepted practice. 👀 🚩
Me: I just did three pull-ups; I am THE SHIT 😅😝
My kid: cool story. I just did a pull-up with 90 pounds strapped to my waist.
🫠🤯
My kid: cool story. I just did a pull-up with 90 pounds strapped to my waist.
🫠🤯
April 9, 2026 at 4:42 AM
Me: I just did three pull-ups; I am THE SHIT 😅😝
My kid: cool story. I just did a pull-up with 90 pounds strapped to my waist.
🫠🤯
My kid: cool story. I just did a pull-up with 90 pounds strapped to my waist.
🫠🤯
It’s amusing to me that he thinks he could physically take my son’s phone from him. Take a look at your kid, and then take a look at yourself, bro.
January 28, 2026 at 7:56 PM
It’s amusing to me that he thinks he could physically take my son’s phone from him. Take a look at your kid, and then take a look at yourself, bro.
Kiddo: did you happen to order anything for my birthday?
Me: of course
Kiddo: you did?!? But you were mad!
Me: but I still love you, even if I’m mad.
Hashtag saying the things to my kids that I wish someone had said to me.
Me: of course
Kiddo: you did?!? But you were mad!
Me: but I still love you, even if I’m mad.
Hashtag saying the things to my kids that I wish someone had said to me.
January 23, 2026 at 2:36 PM
Kiddo: did you happen to order anything for my birthday?
Me: of course
Kiddo: you did?!? But you were mad!
Me: but I still love you, even if I’m mad.
Hashtag saying the things to my kids that I wish someone had said to me.
Me: of course
Kiddo: you did?!? But you were mad!
Me: but I still love you, even if I’m mad.
Hashtag saying the things to my kids that I wish someone had said to me.
To whom it may concern: fyyff.
January 22, 2026 at 11:11 PM
To whom it may concern: fyyff.
My kids are 17 and 14. I’ve been divorced for just shy of 13 years. He still files court motions any time he doesn’t get his way. This is never going to end, is it?
January 21, 2026 at 10:14 PM
My kids are 17 and 14. I’ve been divorced for just shy of 13 years. He still files court motions any time he doesn’t get his way. This is never going to end, is it?
He: is all of a sudden offering to do something I’ve been asking for for years.
I: am skeptical AF; assuming he’s planning something.
Others: tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But: he hasn’t once deserved it, in the 20 years I’ve known him.
At least ChatGPT agrees with me. 🧐
I: am skeptical AF; assuming he’s planning something.
Others: tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But: he hasn’t once deserved it, in the 20 years I’ve known him.
At least ChatGPT agrees with me. 🧐
January 16, 2026 at 2:08 AM
He: is all of a sudden offering to do something I’ve been asking for for years.
I: am skeptical AF; assuming he’s planning something.
Others: tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But: he hasn’t once deserved it, in the 20 years I’ve known him.
At least ChatGPT agrees with me. 🧐
I: am skeptical AF; assuming he’s planning something.
Others: tell me to give him the benefit of the doubt.
But: he hasn’t once deserved it, in the 20 years I’ve known him.
At least ChatGPT agrees with me. 🧐
Him: I’m going to take away our son’s phone if you don’t give him more time on the game app.
🤔🧐🤨🤦🏼♀️😂
🤔🧐🤨🤦🏼♀️😂
January 13, 2026 at 5:40 PM
Him: I’m going to take away our son’s phone if you don’t give him more time on the game app.
🤔🧐🤨🤦🏼♀️😂
🤔🧐🤨🤦🏼♀️😂
TFW your teenager finally starts to pick up on his dad’s hypocrisy/double standards/how he treats people in almost exclusively selfish ways
kermit the frog holds a glass of lipton tea
ALT: kermit the frog holds a glass of lipton tea
media.tenor.com
January 13, 2026 at 2:10 AM
TFW your teenager finally starts to pick up on his dad’s hypocrisy/double standards/how he treats people in almost exclusively selfish ways
Hot take: people that don’t use punctuation must be narcissistic, b/c they can’t fathom that someone reading their writing may not immediately parse the words the way they did in their head when they wrote them. (i.e. the non-punctuators must not be able to see things from anyone else’s perspective)
January 5, 2026 at 4:18 AM
Hot take: people that don’t use punctuation must be narcissistic, b/c they can’t fathom that someone reading their writing may not immediately parse the words the way they did in their head when they wrote them. (i.e. the non-punctuators must not be able to see things from anyone else’s perspective)
TFW you realize your teenager is now more mature than his father. 👀
November 4, 2025 at 3:25 PM
TFW you realize your teenager is now more mature than his father. 👀
TFW you basically always feel misunderstood, but it never really mattered that much until the one person in the world that it mattered whether he understood you, didn’t. Or wouldn’t.
October 24, 2025 at 6:33 AM
TFW you basically always feel misunderstood, but it never really mattered that much until the one person in the world that it mattered whether he understood you, didn’t. Or wouldn’t.
I know what you’re doing, and I hate to admit that it’s working.
October 15, 2025 at 5:45 AM
I know what you’re doing, and I hate to admit that it’s working.
If your dog is going to whine incessantly to the point that everyone at the game has to listen to it for the entire game…..maybe don’t bring it to the game? It’s not that deep. 🙄
October 5, 2025 at 7:33 PM
If your dog is going to whine incessantly to the point that everyone at the game has to listen to it for the entire game…..maybe don’t bring it to the game? It’s not that deep. 🙄
So, Only Murders in the Building is basically just a dramatized escape room now?
October 4, 2025 at 2:45 AM
So, Only Murders in the Building is basically just a dramatized escape room now?
Guy on a dating site: I’m a full-time dad to a 4yo.
Me: Adorable! I love that age! So, how do you find time to date?
Guy: ~/immediately unmatches me/~
Seemed liked a reasonable question 🤷🏼♀️🙄
Me: Adorable! I love that age! So, how do you find time to date?
Guy: ~/immediately unmatches me/~
Seemed liked a reasonable question 🤷🏼♀️🙄
September 29, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Guy on a dating site: I’m a full-time dad to a 4yo.
Me: Adorable! I love that age! So, how do you find time to date?
Guy: ~/immediately unmatches me/~
Seemed liked a reasonable question 🤷🏼♀️🙄
Me: Adorable! I love that age! So, how do you find time to date?
Guy: ~/immediately unmatches me/~
Seemed liked a reasonable question 🤷🏼♀️🙄
He really fucked me over (take your pick), so I’m allowed to have this one.
September 25, 2025 at 5:54 AM
He really fucked me over (take your pick), so I’m allowed to have this one.
Sorry not sorry.
September 25, 2025 at 5:53 AM
Sorry not sorry.
(Don’t tell anyone, but he all of a sudden looks 60, and he’s definitely not 60 🧐)
September 25, 2025 at 5:39 AM
(Don’t tell anyone, but he all of a sudden looks 60, and he’s definitely not 60 🧐)
TFW you come across pictures of an ancient ex and he….all of a sudden no longer has a hold on you. Shit hits you fast sometimes 😆😬
September 25, 2025 at 5:37 AM
TFW you come across pictures of an ancient ex and he….all of a sudden no longer has a hold on you. Shit hits you fast sometimes 😆😬
TFW you switch your kids to your health insurance, calculate your child support based on the premiums, and they go up five fold a year later, but you’re now legally obligated to provide insurance for them, so you’re stuck, and you just have to reduce your retirement savings in order to cover it. 😒
September 23, 2025 at 3:06 PM
TFW you switch your kids to your health insurance, calculate your child support based on the premiums, and they go up five fold a year later, but you’re now legally obligated to provide insurance for them, so you’re stuck, and you just have to reduce your retirement savings in order to cover it. 😒
My truest wish in the entire world is world is that you were not such a fucking asshole. 😔
September 20, 2025 at 6:06 AM
My truest wish in the entire world is world is that you were not such a fucking asshole. 😔
Why is it that literally every single time I think I’ve finally got a handle on finances, things suddenly get exponentially more expensive and I’m right back where I was before, constantly struggling and stressed?? 😒
September 16, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Why is it that literally every single time I think I’ve finally got a handle on finances, things suddenly get exponentially more expensive and I’m right back where I was before, constantly struggling and stressed?? 😒