Austin Coolguy 🔪⭐️
@austincoolguy.bsky.social
Your favorite shitposter’s favorite shitposter // 31 // he/him
Sometimes I draw a clock just to prove I’m better than others
September 17, 2026 at 3:22 AM
Sometimes I draw a clock just to prove I’m better than others
Making a withdrawal from the sperm bank to invest into a more ethical sperm credit union.
September 15, 2026 at 6:46 PM
Making a withdrawal from the sperm bank to invest into a more ethical sperm credit union.
I’m playing the new StarFox for the first time and I think it might be one of the worst designed games I’ve ever played. No wonder Nintendo keeps trying to remake it because it’s fucking horrible.
September 14, 2026 at 4:40 AM
I’m playing the new StarFox for the first time and I think it might be one of the worst designed games I’ve ever played. No wonder Nintendo keeps trying to remake it because it’s fucking horrible.
Sorry, babe, I can’t go tonight. I’ve gotta let the ancient blade’s magic corrupt me.
September 12, 2026 at 2:15 AM
Sorry, babe, I can’t go tonight. I’ve gotta let the ancient blade’s magic corrupt me.
Can't believe it's already the year 1 A.K.
September 11, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Can't believe it's already the year 1 A.K.
Gonna change my last name to “Weinerballs” just to feel alive again.
September 3, 2026 at 10:51 PM
Gonna change my last name to “Weinerballs” just to feel alive again.
Measure Twice, Death By One Thousand Cuts
September 1, 2026 at 4:08 AM
Measure Twice, Death By One Thousand Cuts
Me to myself: I think defaulting to dick and ball jokes is really hampering our ability to be actually witty
Also me: tweet out “a penis man in a penis land”
Also me: tweet out “a penis man in a penis land”
August 26, 2026 at 2:25 AM
Me to myself: I think defaulting to dick and ball jokes is really hampering our ability to be actually witty
Also me: tweet out “a penis man in a penis land”
Also me: tweet out “a penis man in a penis land”
I become a different man after consuming two spicy chicken snack wraps.
August 21, 2026 at 11:22 PM
I become a different man after consuming two spicy chicken snack wraps.
“I just don’t really care for small talk” -guy whose entire feed is short-form slop content and softcore pornography
August 20, 2026 at 11:44 PM
“I just don’t really care for small talk” -guy whose entire feed is short-form slop content and softcore pornography
You look like you go to the penis store for the free samples
August 17, 2026 at 1:29 AM
You look like you go to the penis store for the free samples
Me, to someone who has sneezed for a third time: Here’s that attention you ordered, slut.
August 6, 2026 at 5:06 PM
Me, to someone who has sneezed for a third time: Here’s that attention you ordered, slut.
Started as a bottom now we queer
July 29, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Started as a bottom now we queer
Dracula in Fast and Furious be like, “I said forget about it, bluh”
July 16, 2026 at 2:20 PM
Dracula in Fast and Furious be like, “I said forget about it, bluh”
Went to the Jacking Off Olympics. I came on first place.
July 13, 2026 at 8:23 PM
Went to the Jacking Off Olympics. I came on first place.
With the way this summer is going, I’m definitely tasting the heat AND the meat fr
July 10, 2026 at 2:01 AM
With the way this summer is going, I’m definitely tasting the heat AND the meat fr
Our high school football team was so homophobic that they drank straightorade
July 8, 2026 at 2:22 AM
Our high school football team was so homophobic that they drank straightorade
“Get a load of this chump,” I say pointing at the mirror
June 27, 2026 at 9:34 PM
“Get a load of this chump,” I say pointing at the mirror
Yeah I’ll have one Peanut Butter Jelly, hold the baseball bat please.
June 25, 2026 at 6:34 PM
Yeah I’ll have one Peanut Butter Jelly, hold the baseball bat please.
Tracy Chapman in the final Fast And Furious movie be like, “You’ve got a fast car”
June 9, 2026 at 5:25 PM
Tracy Chapman in the final Fast And Furious movie be like, “You’ve got a fast car”
If I’m happy and I *know* it? Brother, my joy is only obtainable through ignorance.
June 8, 2026 at 8:25 PM
If I’m happy and I *know* it? Brother, my joy is only obtainable through ignorance.
I hate to say it, but the new God of War doesn’t look appealing at all. GOW 2018 was great. The only reason I got through Ragnarok was because I had covid and had to do something for 10 days. Not even playing as a cool sword lady crossing worlds can do it for me anymore 😔
June 3, 2026 at 9:16 PM
I hate to say it, but the new God of War doesn’t look appealing at all. GOW 2018 was great. The only reason I got through Ragnarok was because I had covid and had to do something for 10 days. Not even playing as a cool sword lady crossing worlds can do it for me anymore 😔
I didn’t mean it! I just thought it and said it out loud and didn’t do anything to rectify it until there was a serious amount of backlash I couldn’t ignore!
June 2, 2026 at 6:11 PM
I didn’t mean it! I just thought it and said it out loud and didn’t do anything to rectify it until there was a serious amount of backlash I couldn’t ignore!
Crazy how my journey of self-discovery involves a fifth beer
May 23, 2026 at 9:02 PM
Crazy how my journey of self-discovery involves a fifth beer
Spinning a big wheel to see which of my friends will be given the nickname “Thrombulus”
May 22, 2026 at 9:06 PM
Spinning a big wheel to see which of my friends will be given the nickname “Thrombulus”