BlueLight439
@bluelight439.bsky.social
fug my life... https://bluelight439.carrd.co/
pics; Beatrice from otgw, i say i say i say by Erasure.
cool man, bilingual non-native English speaker, artist. Vents and random thoughts here, oops.
pics; Beatrice from otgw, i say i say i say by Erasure.
cool man, bilingual non-native English speaker, artist. Vents and random thoughts here, oops.
I'd rather be around someone who is blunty honest&rude than someone with dishonesty&fake niceness.
Keeping too much stuff to oneself is worse than blunt honesty, some things are meant to be honestly communicated about.
Pls don't give people false hopes either, it's worse than telling hurtful facts.
Keeping too much stuff to oneself is worse than blunt honesty, some things are meant to be honestly communicated about.
Pls don't give people false hopes either, it's worse than telling hurtful facts.
September 14, 2026 at 10:20 PM
I'd rather be around someone who is blunty honest&rude than someone with dishonesty&fake niceness.
Keeping too much stuff to oneself is worse than blunt honesty, some things are meant to be honestly communicated about.
Pls don't give people false hopes either, it's worse than telling hurtful facts.
Keeping too much stuff to oneself is worse than blunt honesty, some things are meant to be honestly communicated about.
Pls don't give people false hopes either, it's worse than telling hurtful facts.
If someone did something weird, off-putting or creepy, it would be wiser to think more about why they did it.
September 12, 2026 at 3:06 AM
If someone did something weird, off-putting or creepy, it would be wiser to think more about why they did it.
*mean it, sometimes I notice typos too late.
Also, to me, actions matter more than words when it comes to showing affection, care,etc. For example, if you say you like me but don't spend time with me, it doesn't hold much value, but if you make time for me & give me enough attention,there's a chance
Also, to me, actions matter more than words when it comes to showing affection, care,etc. For example, if you say you like me but don't spend time with me, it doesn't hold much value, but if you make time for me & give me enough attention,there's a chance
I don't take almost all affection to heart anymore. I feel like they don't know me well enough for it or they don't truly meant it. Affection also makes me feel unsafe, people who showed affection more hurt me badly & did horribly contradictory things. I don't feel it. It doesn't mean much to me.
September 10, 2026 at 5:56 PM
*mean it, sometimes I notice typos too late.
Also, to me, actions matter more than words when it comes to showing affection, care,etc. For example, if you say you like me but don't spend time with me, it doesn't hold much value, but if you make time for me & give me enough attention,there's a chance
Also, to me, actions matter more than words when it comes to showing affection, care,etc. For example, if you say you like me but don't spend time with me, it doesn't hold much value, but if you make time for me & give me enough attention,there's a chance
My ability to love others is permanently damaged due to really severe trauma since 2024-2025(it's not that bad, it protects me & I don't even want to love others), but this will always be true. People are irreplaceable, all have or had their own unique appreciation from me. Also,despite the erosion,
I don't "want someone/a friend", I want YOU. My appreciation for a friend doesn't erase my appreciation for another friend. To me, people are irreplaceable. I love people mainly bc of who they are, not bc I just have them. I seriously value people & what I have with them. I really care. Real love.
It's true that I want + need people, but... I'm more of a "I want [specific person/people]" type of person, not "I want a partner/a best friend/close friends/etc". I'm into specific people, not abstract general ideas. That's more loving and genuine.
September 7, 2026 at 12:05 AM
My ability to love others is permanently damaged due to really severe trauma since 2024-2025(it's not that bad, it protects me & I don't even want to love others), but this will always be true. People are irreplaceable, all have or had their own unique appreciation from me. Also,despite the erosion,
Many people have loving relationships with their family meanwhile I have an uncle that thinks it's ok to not allow me in the car & leave me in the street just bc of having a bit of grains of sand on my feet, also a grandma & a mom that can't properly comprehend that he is completely in the wrong.
August 29, 2026 at 12:49 PM
Many people have loving relationships with their family meanwhile I have an uncle that thinks it's ok to not allow me in the car & leave me in the street just bc of having a bit of grains of sand on my feet, also a grandma & a mom that can't properly comprehend that he is completely in the wrong.
If you don't hold the uncool things I did years ago when I was dumber, more immature&under way too much mind-breaking emotional distress against me, if you don't let them ruin the way you see the present me or your relationship with me, thank you thank you thank you, that's something I need so much.
August 25, 2026 at 7:39 PM
If you don't hold the uncool things I did years ago when I was dumber, more immature&under way too much mind-breaking emotional distress against me, if you don't let them ruin the way you see the present me or your relationship with me, thank you thank you thank you, that's something I need so much.
#myart #cute #fanart #cartoon #adorable #digitalart #cartoonnetwork #friends #happy #smile #smiles #tgaobam #thegrimadventuresofbillyandmandy #thegrimreaper #mindybeauregard #irwindracula The #Grim Reaper, #Mindy Beauregard, #Mandy, #Billy, #Irwin Dracula, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy! :)
August 18, 2026 at 11:56 PM
#myart #cute #fanart #cartoon #adorable #digitalart #cartoonnetwork #friends #happy #smile #smiles #tgaobam #thegrimadventuresofbillyandmandy #thegrimreaper #mindybeauregard #irwindracula The #Grim Reaper, #Mindy Beauregard, #Mandy, #Billy, #Irwin Dracula, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy! :)
#myart #cute #fanart #cartoon #adorable #digitalart #hazbinhotel #hh #vox #valentino #staticmoth #slime #slimes #pink #blue #love #funny I drew them as slimes bc of some ideas me & a friend had. Hazbin Hotel 4life!
August 18, 2026 at 11:50 PM
#myart #cute #fanart #cartoon #adorable #digitalart #hazbinhotel #hh #vox #valentino #staticmoth #slime #slimes #pink #blue #love #funny I drew them as slimes bc of some ideas me & a friend had. Hazbin Hotel 4life!
These 2 statements co-exist.
-You shouldn't be neglectful towards your friends, take them for granted or unfairly see & treat them as less than other friends.
-If you don't spend enough time with a friend or treat them well enough, it's fair if they like someone else more.
-You shouldn't be neglectful towards your friends, take them for granted or unfairly see & treat them as less than other friends.
-If you don't spend enough time with a friend or treat them well enough, it's fair if they like someone else more.
August 18, 2026 at 1:28 PM
These 2 statements co-exist.
-You shouldn't be neglectful towards your friends, take them for granted or unfairly see & treat them as less than other friends.
-If you don't spend enough time with a friend or treat them well enough, it's fair if they like someone else more.
-You shouldn't be neglectful towards your friends, take them for granted or unfairly see & treat them as less than other friends.
-If you don't spend enough time with a friend or treat them well enough, it's fair if they like someone else more.
No one called me manipulative for years. That's good. Honestly, some people throw that word around. Really. I was hurt, desparate, at seriously low points when I got seen that way. Usage of that word meant they want to completely villainise me & dismiss my point of view. They failed at compassion.
August 14, 2026 at 7:47 PM
No one called me manipulative for years. That's good. Honestly, some people throw that word around. Really. I was hurt, desparate, at seriously low points when I got seen that way. Usage of that word meant they want to completely villainise me & dismiss my point of view. They failed at compassion.
Funny (not bad); Someone once called one of my kinks sweet and wholesome. Probably an uncommon comment about kinks.
August 9, 2026 at 12:41 PM
Funny (not bad); Someone once called one of my kinks sweet and wholesome. Probably an uncommon comment about kinks.
In June, Discord logged me out & muted me for 2 hours for "suspicious activity" after I reacted to a message with the burger emoji. That's how horrible Discord's auto-moderation is.
Fuck Dicksored. I feel like I should be super careful in a suffocating way to protect my account when I get it back.
Fuck Dicksored. I feel like I should be super careful in a suffocating way to protect my account when I get it back.
August 1, 2026 at 6:25 PM
In June, Discord logged me out & muted me for 2 hours for "suspicious activity" after I reacted to a message with the burger emoji. That's how horrible Discord's auto-moderation is.
Fuck Dicksored. I feel like I should be super careful in a suffocating way to protect my account when I get it back.
Fuck Dicksored. I feel like I should be super careful in a suffocating way to protect my account when I get it back.
People are irreplaceable. Including me. 💙
I don't "want someone/a friend", I want YOU. My appreciation for a friend doesn't erase my appreciation for another friend. To me, people are irreplaceable. I love people mainly bc of who they are, not bc I just have them. I seriously value people & what I have with them. I really care. Real love.
It's true that I want + need people, but... I'm more of a "I want [specific person/people]" type of person, not "I want a partner/a best friend/close friends/etc". I'm into specific people, not abstract general ideas. That's more loving and genuine.
July 18, 2026 at 9:44 PM
People are irreplaceable. Including me. 💙
Yes, I'm factually so much better than everyone who really hurt me.💙
July 14, 2026 at 12:09 AM
Yes, I'm factually so much better than everyone who really hurt me.💙
I'm not just using them, I care about them & I want to be friends with them bc of who they are, but I can't say I love them. It isn't bc I'm an asshole, it's bc I can't function like that (anymore). Trauma & dissociation almost completely got rid of my ability to love others. I've got no energy left
July 11, 2026 at 10:50 AM
I'm not just using them, I care about them & I want to be friends with them bc of who they are, but I can't say I love them. It isn't bc I'm an asshole, it's bc I can't function like that (anymore). Trauma & dissociation almost completely got rid of my ability to love others. I've got no energy left
I've been seeing people hating on, expressing so much negativity towards a big comfort character of mine everyday for months, including but not limited to stuff directed to me. I'm a chill guy, it doesn't bother me. (It would only if they said very specific type of things, thankfully not common.)
June 21, 2026 at 11:59 PM
I've been seeing people hating on, expressing so much negativity towards a big comfort character of mine everyday for months, including but not limited to stuff directed to me. I'm a chill guy, it doesn't bother me. (It would only if they said very specific type of things, thankfully not common.)
In May, a friend I had a fall-out with in 2024 apologised for some things she did. In June, someone else who made my life kind of more hellish than it already was in 2024-2025 apologised, I was able to reconcile with the latter. Found a bit more peace, but I still feel so awful, lonely, unfulfilled.
June 21, 2026 at 11:44 AM
In May, a friend I had a fall-out with in 2024 apologised for some things she did. In June, someone else who made my life kind of more hellish than it already was in 2024-2025 apologised, I was able to reconcile with the latter. Found a bit more peace, but I still feel so awful, lonely, unfulfilled.
Awkward when someone shows any interest in being friends with me. Not bc I decided to no longer make new friends, but bc I can't feel love, investment, etc. It's fine. I don't think I can be good enough for them. I don't think they'd still be friends with me years later either. These never happen.
June 8, 2026 at 5:50 PM
Awkward when someone shows any interest in being friends with me. Not bc I decided to no longer make new friends, but bc I can't feel love, investment, etc. It's fine. I don't think I can be good enough for them. I don't think they'd still be friends with me years later either. These never happen.
Happy Pride Month & Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. I'm glad & proud to be aromantic, less glad to be hetero-greysexual. I know my mental health matters even if disgusting degenerates act like it doesn't.
June 3, 2026 at 10:10 AM
Happy Pride Month & Men's Mental Health Awareness Month. I'm glad & proud to be aromantic, less glad to be hetero-greysexual. I know my mental health matters even if disgusting degenerates act like it doesn't.
I like how if you ask people which character from something they think you're most like all will have different answers. It tells about how they see you too.
May 31, 2026 at 2:08 PM
I like how if you ask people which character from something they think you're most like all will have different answers. It tells about how they see you too.
I watched TADC ep 9 a month early, I didn't like it & even came up with my own version, but still I feel sorry for Gooseworx & TADC still has its special place in my heart. Thank you. Also, I've been sleeping with my Pomni plush next to me lately.
May 26, 2026 at 11:06 AM
I watched TADC ep 9 a month early, I didn't like it & even came up with my own version, but still I feel sorry for Gooseworx & TADC still has its special place in my heart. Thank you. Also, I've been sleeping with my Pomni plush next to me lately.
Constantly losing friends, being unable to have friends & being lonely bc of other people constantly mistreating me&taking me for granted is so much worse than those happening bc of one's immorality & wrong doings. You're fucking privileged if your friends would still be with you if you weren't bad.
Not being able to have friends because of not being appealing enough and being unable to fit in is so much worse than not being able to have friends because of immorality and wrong doings.
May 24, 2026 at 4:03 AM
Constantly losing friends, being unable to have friends & being lonely bc of other people constantly mistreating me&taking me for granted is so much worse than those happening bc of one's immorality & wrong doings. You're fucking privileged if your friends would still be with you if you weren't bad.
I'm thinking of trying to rewire myself into not wanting/needing friends. I don't think such thing is possible, but I feel like I don't have much of a choice & I have to. I've already involuntarily changed in cold ways, but this is not the same & likely would be self-harm & self-deception. This is
May 18, 2026 at 5:43 AM
I'm thinking of trying to rewire myself into not wanting/needing friends. I don't think such thing is possible, but I feel like I don't have much of a choice & I have to. I've already involuntarily changed in cold ways, but this is not the same & likely would be self-harm & self-deception. This is
He finally spoke to me again now. He was more self-aware than I thought, he apologised for his absence & hurting me with it & said it's the best if we're no longer friends. I told I can't be friends with him like this & that my outlook on things are no longer the same. This made things a bit better.
He still didn't interact at all since last February. I already gave up on him a while ago. I did put enough care & effort into the friendship, but what he gave me was disappearing & appearing whenever he feels like it. I didn't talk about this with him for now because he is absent, but I'm done.
I'm thinking of deciding whether or not I will still be friends with him based on how much he interacts in the rest of 2025, my decision may be in January or February. But who am I kidding? I know it's more likely that I will have to make the sad decision, I don't expect his constant absence to end.
May 17, 2026 at 10:19 PM
He finally spoke to me again now. He was more self-aware than I thought, he apologised for his absence & hurting me with it & said it's the best if we're no longer friends. I told I can't be friends with him like this & that my outlook on things are no longer the same. This made things a bit better.