Book Retorts
@bookretorts.bsky.social
The podcast about trying to explain your weird media finds to your friends. New episode every other Wednesday.
Join us. We're new here, and we're pretty cool. 👋
www.bookretorts.com
Join us. We're new here, and we're pretty cool. 👋
www.bookretorts.com
The Crooked Banister by Caroline Keene: where everything is made up and the clues don't matter.
October 4, 2026 at 7:29 PM
The Crooked Banister by Caroline Keene: where everything is made up and the clues don't matter.
Danielle recaps the Nancy Drew classic (?) The Crooked Banister by Carolyn Keene.
Is that a robot on the cover?
Yes.
Does it behave in ways otherwise unknown to robot-kind?
Also, yes.
Is that a robot on the cover?
Yes.
Does it behave in ways otherwise unknown to robot-kind?
Also, yes.
September 30, 2026 at 2:56 PM
Danielle recaps the Nancy Drew classic (?) The Crooked Banister by Carolyn Keene.
Is that a robot on the cover?
Yes.
Does it behave in ways otherwise unknown to robot-kind?
Also, yes.
Is that a robot on the cover?
Yes.
Does it behave in ways otherwise unknown to robot-kind?
Also, yes.
Sam decides to release his inner Danielle with a recap of the 2003 Chinese vampire movie The Twins Effect. Unfortunately, for everyone involved, Sam's only reference to vampires is The Librarian. Chaos, and bananas, ensue.
September 16, 2026 at 2:56 PM
Sam decides to release his inner Danielle with a recap of the 2003 Chinese vampire movie The Twins Effect. Unfortunately, for everyone involved, Sam's only reference to vampires is The Librarian. Chaos, and bananas, ensue.
Sam has never been so relieved to reach the finale of a recap before. Unfortunately for him, I Hear Your Voice has a LOTR level ending. Will Sam survive its epic conclusion? Again? And again? And again?
September 2, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Sam has never been so relieved to reach the finale of a recap before. Unfortunately for him, I Hear Your Voice has a LOTR level ending. Will Sam survive its epic conclusion? Again? And again? And again?
Sam takes on the future with a recap of Space:1999 - in which humans, unsurprisingly, use the moon as a dumping ground for radioactive material, and it goes horribly awry. Humanity at its finest; science at its most questionable.
August 19, 2026 at 3:08 PM
Sam takes on the future with a recap of Space:1999 - in which humans, unsurprisingly, use the moon as a dumping ground for radioactive material, and it goes horribly awry. Humanity at its finest; science at its most questionable.
Sam recaps the Jackie Chan comedy Panda Plan.
When a rare baby panda is threatened at an island zoo by a boat full of mercenaries (?), Jackie Chan is all that stands in the way of their perfect kidnapping plan.
By perfect, we mean insane.
Much to Danielle's dismay, the panda itself has no plans.
When a rare baby panda is threatened at an island zoo by a boat full of mercenaries (?), Jackie Chan is all that stands in the way of their perfect kidnapping plan.
By perfect, we mean insane.
Much to Danielle's dismay, the panda itself has no plans.
April 2, 2026 at 3:19 AM
Sam recaps the Jackie Chan comedy Panda Plan.
When a rare baby panda is threatened at an island zoo by a boat full of mercenaries (?), Jackie Chan is all that stands in the way of their perfect kidnapping plan.
By perfect, we mean insane.
Much to Danielle's dismay, the panda itself has no plans.
When a rare baby panda is threatened at an island zoo by a boat full of mercenaries (?), Jackie Chan is all that stands in the way of their perfect kidnapping plan.
By perfect, we mean insane.
Much to Danielle's dismay, the panda itself has no plans.
Today, we learned of the passing of Dan Simmons, author of many books, including the Hyperion series. Those books have been an ongoing thread in our podcast with Sam's years-long epic recap, and we're forever thankful that Simmons created such a lasting addition to the sci-fi cannon.
Hyperion author Dan Simmons dies from stroke at 77
I went into Hyperion blind, decades ago, knowing almost nothing about it. I was never the same.
arstechnica.com
February 27, 2026 at 7:19 PM
Today, we learned of the passing of Dan Simmons, author of many books, including the Hyperion series. Those books have been an ongoing thread in our podcast with Sam's years-long epic recap, and we're forever thankful that Simmons created such a lasting addition to the sci-fi cannon.
Danielle recaps the kdrama I Hear Your Voice.
When Soo-ha witnesses his father's murder, it comes with a heaping side of unexpected mind-reading. He joins forces with lawyer Hye-seong, making you question everything you ever knew about the Korean justice system. And mind-reading. And street lights.
When Soo-ha witnesses his father's murder, it comes with a heaping side of unexpected mind-reading. He joins forces with lawyer Hye-seong, making you question everything you ever knew about the Korean justice system. And mind-reading. And street lights.
February 19, 2026 at 6:31 AM
Danielle recaps the kdrama I Hear Your Voice.
When Soo-ha witnesses his father's murder, it comes with a heaping side of unexpected mind-reading. He joins forces with lawyer Hye-seong, making you question everything you ever knew about the Korean justice system. And mind-reading. And street lights.
When Soo-ha witnesses his father's murder, it comes with a heaping side of unexpected mind-reading. He joins forces with lawyer Hye-seong, making you question everything you ever knew about the Korean justice system. And mind-reading. And street lights.
Sam recaps Fountain of Youth, a movie with the power to make him realize he really does like Noah Wyle in The Librarian.
February 4, 2026 at 5:53 PM
Sam recaps Fountain of Youth, a movie with the power to make him realize he really does like Noah Wyle in The Librarian.
Well, she made it 33 minutes into the episode until she realized it was easier to nap than edit.
December 20, 2025 at 10:25 PM
Well, she made it 33 minutes into the episode until she realized it was easier to nap than edit.
Danielle recaps a movie containing one of the biggest plot twists in movie history: G-Force.
When the guinea pig spy division (?) of the FBI is threatened, Darwin (guinea pig) and his elite team take on Bill Nighy as an arms dealer cum appliance magnate who is threatening to destroy humanity.
When the guinea pig spy division (?) of the FBI is threatened, Darwin (guinea pig) and his elite team take on Bill Nighy as an arms dealer cum appliance magnate who is threatening to destroy humanity.
December 14, 2025 at 4:53 AM
Danielle recaps a movie containing one of the biggest plot twists in movie history: G-Force.
When the guinea pig spy division (?) of the FBI is threatened, Darwin (guinea pig) and his elite team take on Bill Nighy as an arms dealer cum appliance magnate who is threatening to destroy humanity.
When the guinea pig spy division (?) of the FBI is threatened, Darwin (guinea pig) and his elite team take on Bill Nighy as an arms dealer cum appliance magnate who is threatening to destroy humanity.
Danielle brings back the killer crabs with Guy N. Smith's pulp classic The Origin of the Crabs.
If you were wondering where the cow-sized murderous crustaceans came from, are you not in luck.
Special guest Filip with Mind Duck Books
If you were wondering where the cow-sized murderous crustaceans came from, are you not in luck.
Special guest Filip with Mind Duck Books
October 30, 2025 at 6:14 PM
Danielle brings back the killer crabs with Guy N. Smith's pulp classic The Origin of the Crabs.
If you were wondering where the cow-sized murderous crustaceans came from, are you not in luck.
Special guest Filip with Mind Duck Books
If you were wondering where the cow-sized murderous crustaceans came from, are you not in luck.
Special guest Filip with Mind Duck Books
Yeah, we are! 👏 Sweet Valley High 4eva
October 17, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Yeah, we are! 👏 Sweet Valley High 4eva
Slugs is back, baby! Now with mind control. Same great taste, sodium free.
October 16, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Slugs is back, baby! Now with mind control. Same great taste, sodium free.
Danielle finishes her recap of Sweet Valley High: Werewolf Edition
The Wakefield Twins continue to be terrible with almost zero consequences aside from other people dying. Also, there are werewolves. Probably.
The Wakefield Twins continue to be terrible with almost zero consequences aside from other people dying. Also, there are werewolves. Probably.
October 4, 2025 at 1:48 AM
Danielle finishes her recap of Sweet Valley High: Werewolf Edition
The Wakefield Twins continue to be terrible with almost zero consequences aside from other people dying. Also, there are werewolves. Probably.
The Wakefield Twins continue to be terrible with almost zero consequences aside from other people dying. Also, there are werewolves. Probably.
Reposted by Book Retorts
This week’s recap includes a work retreat, a lost post-it, and a fake family.
Tune in:
youtu.be/_uDOKz62tAE?...
Tune in:
youtu.be/_uDOKz62tAE?...
Dead Like Me recap: s2e3 "Ghost Story"
YouTube video by The Rewatch Recap
youtu.be
September 11, 2025 at 7:56 PM
This week’s recap includes a work retreat, a lost post-it, and a fake family.
Tune in:
youtu.be/_uDOKz62tAE?...
Tune in:
youtu.be/_uDOKz62tAE?...
Danielle goes back to her roots with a recap of Sweet Valley High: Werewolf Edition.
When the Wakefield twins get a summer internship at a newspaper in London, they immediately think a grisly murder is the work of a werewolf. Which is, incidentally, why we don't let teenagers solve crimes.
When the Wakefield twins get a summer internship at a newspaper in London, they immediately think a grisly murder is the work of a werewolf. Which is, incidentally, why we don't let teenagers solve crimes.
September 3, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Danielle goes back to her roots with a recap of Sweet Valley High: Werewolf Edition.
When the Wakefield twins get a summer internship at a newspaper in London, they immediately think a grisly murder is the work of a werewolf. Which is, incidentally, why we don't let teenagers solve crimes.
When the Wakefield twins get a summer internship at a newspaper in London, they immediately think a grisly murder is the work of a werewolf. Which is, incidentally, why we don't let teenagers solve crimes.
Sam brings out a core memory with his recap of the 1995 direct-to-video Magic Island.
When angsty teen, Jack, gets sucked into a magical book, he befriends a group of buccaneers in search of a lost treasure. Thankfully, he's got an exhibitionist mermaid and his super soaker on hand.
When angsty teen, Jack, gets sucked into a magical book, he befriends a group of buccaneers in search of a lost treasure. Thankfully, he's got an exhibitionist mermaid and his super soaker on hand.
August 20, 2025 at 2:54 PM
Sam brings out a core memory with his recap of the 1995 direct-to-video Magic Island.
When angsty teen, Jack, gets sucked into a magical book, he befriends a group of buccaneers in search of a lost treasure. Thankfully, he's got an exhibitionist mermaid and his super soaker on hand.
When angsty teen, Jack, gets sucked into a magical book, he befriends a group of buccaneers in search of a lost treasure. Thankfully, he's got an exhibitionist mermaid and his super soaker on hand.
Danielle recaps the adult horror movie version of Smart House with the 2024 movie AfrAId.
When a family gets suckered into having an evil Alexa in their house, possible demons ensue. Also, John Cho.
When a family gets suckered into having an evil Alexa in their house, possible demons ensue. Also, John Cho.
August 8, 2025 at 5:12 AM
Danielle recaps the adult horror movie version of Smart House with the 2024 movie AfrAId.
When a family gets suckered into having an evil Alexa in their house, possible demons ensue. Also, John Cho.
When a family gets suckered into having an evil Alexa in their house, possible demons ensue. Also, John Cho.
Sam finally gets to let loose a little post-Hyperion with a recap of The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice; the third in the franchise, now with vampires! Bible retcon! Opera!
If you like your theology direct from Book Retorts with a side of Noah Wyle (and who doesn't), this one's for you.
If you like your theology direct from Book Retorts with a side of Noah Wyle (and who doesn't), this one's for you.
July 23, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Sam finally gets to let loose a little post-Hyperion with a recap of The Librarian: Curse of the Judas Chalice; the third in the franchise, now with vampires! Bible retcon! Opera!
If you like your theology direct from Book Retorts with a side of Noah Wyle (and who doesn't), this one's for you.
If you like your theology direct from Book Retorts with a side of Noah Wyle (and who doesn't), this one's for you.
Summer Break comes to a close and Danielle finishes up The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins. Which, unsurprisingly ends in MURDER. And songbirds. And snakes.
July 17, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Summer Break comes to a close and Danielle finishes up The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins. Which, unsurprisingly ends in MURDER. And songbirds. And snakes.
We're on Summer Break (aka we're busy as heck), and so we're being as on-the-nose as possible with a re-release of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
(Accidental murder, they did accidental murder)
(Accidental murder, they did accidental murder)
June 18, 2025 at 2:37 AM
We're on Summer Break (aka we're busy as heck), and so we're being as on-the-nose as possible with a re-release of I Still Know What You Did Last Summer.
(Accidental murder, they did accidental murder)
(Accidental murder, they did accidental murder)
Attention Class!
Today is our final exam.
Today is our final exam.
May 30, 2025 at 2:37 AM
Attention Class!
Today is our final exam.
Today is our final exam.
Have you studied for your Hyperion final?
Exam on Wednesday.
Exam on Wednesday.
May 26, 2025 at 4:46 AM
Have you studied for your Hyperion final?
Exam on Wednesday.
Exam on Wednesday.
Three long years in the making: the finale of the Hyperion Saga is here!
Sam recaps the last of The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmoms. In which we find out just how exhausting Raul is, how much cooler Aenea is, and the Tree of Pain gets to make a long-awaited road trip.
Sam recaps the last of The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmoms. In which we find out just how exhausting Raul is, how much cooler Aenea is, and the Tree of Pain gets to make a long-awaited road trip.
May 3, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Three long years in the making: the finale of the Hyperion Saga is here!
Sam recaps the last of The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmoms. In which we find out just how exhausting Raul is, how much cooler Aenea is, and the Tree of Pain gets to make a long-awaited road trip.
Sam recaps the last of The Rise of Endymion by Dan Simmoms. In which we find out just how exhausting Raul is, how much cooler Aenea is, and the Tree of Pain gets to make a long-awaited road trip.