Just because I have niche sexual tastes doesn't mean I'm a desperately lonely, naive, stupid person. I don't want to pay you to see nudes, I have this great thing called the internet where I can see nudes anytime I want. For free. Jog on.

I've spent the whole day walking around in nothing but several layers of waterproofs. Or as those of us in the know call it, edging.

pop art pretensions

I was just dozing off, lovely and cosy in bed and it occurred to me that I haven't rubbed one out today. Yet.

True freedom of speech only comes from nobody hearing what you have to say.

This could be us but you playin'

This could be us, but you playin'

Just about to head to bed, I would have gone ages ago but it's taken a while to put these five rainsuits on.