Sung to opponent defenders, to the tune of "If You're Happy and You Know It"...

You're an MLS center back (clap clap)
You're an MLS center back (clap clap)
Robert Lewandowski is the world's greatest striker
And you're an MLS center back (clap clap)

To the tune of "Tubthumping" by Chumbawumba, starting with the "oh Danny boy" part....

Oh, Sergio, Sergio, Sergio
He gets knocked down!
But he gets up again
He's Sergio Oregel
He gets knocked down!
But he gets up again
He's Sergio Oregel

Oh, Sergio, Sergio, Sergio... repeat

We've got Lewandowski
Bobby Lewandowski
Simplemente no creo que entiendas
He's Gregg's hired gun
Él es mejor que Son
Nosotros tenemos Lewandowski

To La Bamba, obviously:

Jona-na-na-nathan Bamba
Jona-na-na-nathan Bamba
He creates our goals
He came from Celta Vigo
He came from Celta Vigo
Now he creates our goals
He's Jona-nathan Bamba

Ba ba Bamba
Be ba Bamba

To the tune of "The Ants Go Marching, One by One"...

We're not sure how to say your name
Mbekezeli Mbokazi
But we love you just the same
Mbekezeli Mbokazi
You hurt your leg, but you'll be back
And our team will be fucking stacked
It's a hard name to say
But we love you anyway
Mbekezeli Mbokazi

He's Chris Brady
Yeah, he's the real Brady
All you other Chris Brady's are just imitating
So won't the real Chris Brady please stand up
Please stand up
Please stand up

To the tune of the bridge of "Come on Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners...

Come on, Haile-Selassie, yeah
Come on, Haile-Selassie, yeah
Maren Haile-Selassie, yeah
Come on...

We owe him this much, plus an extension and a raise.