Cody Morrison
@codyamorrison.bsky.social
Dad, husband, and sometimes comedian (debatable on the last point).
When a firework hits your eye on the 4th of July, that's America.
July 4, 2026 at 4:26 PM
When a firework hits your eye on the 4th of July, that's America.
Somewhere in the Midwest there has to be a restaurant that offers flights of different types of ranch.
June 13, 2026 at 2:47 AM
Somewhere in the Midwest there has to be a restaurant that offers flights of different types of ranch.
Breaking news: Man complains about terrible the country is and how unfair the systems are that allowed him to *checks notes* accumulate over $1trillion.
June 13, 2026 at 2:46 AM
Breaking news: Man complains about terrible the country is and how unfair the systems are that allowed him to *checks notes* accumulate over $1trillion.
Being sexually attracted to Jesus technically makes you pansexual. This joke works better in Spanish.
June 4, 2026 at 1:24 AM
Being sexually attracted to Jesus technically makes you pansexual. This joke works better in Spanish.
I just learned that you only need to be 16 to become a hot air balloon pilot, and there I was at 16 getting a regular driver's license like a chump.
May 29, 2026 at 1:57 AM
I just learned that you only need to be 16 to become a hot air balloon pilot, and there I was at 16 getting a regular driver's license like a chump.
A group of mountain climbers were camping for the night and one of the climbers offered the group some acid. The rest of the group got mad and kicked the climber out of the group and made him go home. He should have known better because they were at base camp.
May 29, 2026 at 1:57 AM
A group of mountain climbers were camping for the night and one of the climbers offered the group some acid. The rest of the group got mad and kicked the climber out of the group and made him go home. He should have known better because they were at base camp.
One of the greatest phrases you can hear as an adult is "we don't have any plans this weekend."
May 18, 2026 at 12:31 AM
One of the greatest phrases you can hear as an adult is "we don't have any plans this weekend."
Barack Obama demonstrating his new invisibility cloak: Now let me be clear.
May 7, 2026 at 2:24 PM
Barack Obama demonstrating his new invisibility cloak: Now let me be clear.
Apparently Cookie Monster's real name is Sid and Cookie Monster is just his om nom nom de plume.
May 1, 2026 at 10:02 PM
Apparently Cookie Monster's real name is Sid and Cookie Monster is just his om nom nom de plume.
Apparently zombies are really particular about the type of dish soap they use. It's a real Dawn of the dead situation.
April 30, 2026 at 2:09 AM
Apparently zombies are really particular about the type of dish soap they use. It's a real Dawn of the dead situation.
I've heard moths described as goth butterflies and that makes sense because they are drawn to flames which are a Hot Topic.
April 29, 2026 at 10:55 PM
I've heard moths described as goth butterflies and that makes sense because they are drawn to flames which are a Hot Topic.
Someone told me that a good way to learn about the universe is to sit by water and listen to what it tells you. I tried it but didn't learn anything. I guess I picked a coy pond.
April 29, 2026 at 4:13 AM
Someone told me that a good way to learn about the universe is to sit by water and listen to what it tells you. I tried it but didn't learn anything. I guess I picked a coy pond.
My freshman year of college I dropped calculus on the first day of class and the professor told me that my life was going to be exponentially worse because of that decision. Joke's on him because I don't know what an exponent is because I dropped that class.
April 24, 2026 at 2:55 AM
My freshman year of college I dropped calculus on the first day of class and the professor told me that my life was going to be exponentially worse because of that decision. Joke's on him because I don't know what an exponent is because I dropped that class.
When the ants go marching you get a fun little song. When the uncles go marching you get January 6th.
April 21, 2026 at 9:02 PM
When the ants go marching you get a fun little song. When the uncles go marching you get January 6th.
Oh shit, is this the infrastructure week he's been talking about all these years?
April 7, 2026 at 6:47 PM
Oh shit, is this the infrastructure week he's been talking about all these years?
Because Jesus was a carpenter there's a real chance that wasn't even the first time he had a nail driven through his hand.
April 3, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Because Jesus was a carpenter there's a real chance that wasn't even the first time he had a nail driven through his hand.
Accidentally shooting a nail through your hand and instinctively yelling "Jesus Christ" is biblically accurate.
April 3, 2026 at 1:54 AM
Accidentally shooting a nail through your hand and instinctively yelling "Jesus Christ" is biblically accurate.
Our city recently had a poll about what kind of trees to plant in one of the parks. Let's just say the results weren't a poplar decision.
April 1, 2026 at 4:10 AM
Our city recently had a poll about what kind of trees to plant in one of the parks. Let's just say the results weren't a poplar decision.
I had a friend tell me this new restaurant in town makes a mean burger but when I tried it I was very underwhelmed. Then I remembered that my friend is a statistician.
March 28, 2026 at 4:09 PM
I had a friend tell me this new restaurant in town makes a mean burger but when I tried it I was very underwhelmed. Then I remembered that my friend is a statistician.
Using fuel points from buying groceries to afford gas to go buy more groceries.
March 20, 2026 at 9:18 PM
Using fuel points from buying groceries to afford gas to go buy more groceries.
So for taxes this year should I mail the money directly to a billionaire or cooperation or should I strap it to some fireworks and blow it up? Seems like the most likely destinations for it anyway.
March 11, 2026 at 1:45 AM
So for taxes this year should I mail the money directly to a billionaire or cooperation or should I strap it to some fireworks and blow it up? Seems like the most likely destinations for it anyway.
Sorry, I lost track of the time. - my microwave and over clocks today.
March 8, 2026 at 6:40 PM
Sorry, I lost track of the time. - my microwave and over clocks today.
I am no longer capable of facing these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
February 28, 2026 at 10:30 PM
I am no longer capable of facing these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality.
Starting a global conflict and then cancelling elections under the guise of national security concerns is something that definitely wouldn't happen right?
February 28, 2026 at 7:07 PM
Starting a global conflict and then cancelling elections under the guise of national security concerns is something that definitely wouldn't happen right?
Waking up on a Saturday morning and immediately saying what the fuck.
February 28, 2026 at 1:59 PM
Waking up on a Saturday morning and immediately saying what the fuck.