—if somewhere when reading this post it starts to get incoherent or not understandable, 1 English is not my first language, 2 I skimmed it, 3 my English is that bad, 4 my train of thoughts went off the rails and I can't find them they fell into the abyss

—now that I'm on my own journey to actually love myself and live this normal uneventful life away from the expectations, I started to see jh more and fall for him (not in a romantic parasocial way) if I can fall and love someone who's "common" and "forgettable" surely I'll love myself soon someday—

—and how "forgettable" he is just cuz he's "not as handsome" it made me project my own insecurities on him that I don't even look in his ways (yes I know this is BS as I'm typing this cuz that's how my brain thought) and now I see that I left him out cuz I don't want to see myself in him—

—I'm not as pretty as others, forgettable, and like a literal NPC just like how some people treat jh it felt like projecting my own view of myself on jh cuz of how I can see myself on him which now I'm just realizing and makes me wonder why would I do that just bcuz we have almost similar look—

—and I always go for ot8 cuz they'd always be 8 wherever they go/do but I never actually gone out and defend him like ribos on twt (shout-out to u guys cuz y'all the real heroes) but it hurts my heart seeing people saying "he's not as handsome as the others" cuz that's how I see myself—

—fyi I'm not saying that I am him exactly I'm just saying what I see in me on him,, another tmi is that I used to s3lfh@rm several years ago from depression long story short, I hated how I looked and seeing the almost same features on jh somehow made me shut him away—

—realized that I was actively shutting him away cuz of how similar I can see myself in him physically and a bit in personality (rounder fuller cheeks, a little on the shorter side, loud but not too loud, and somehow getting missed out by everyone)—

A sign of human advancement isn't on their innovation and achievement, but it's on how they treat others while acknowledging their privilege and try to make everything better for everyone; both by learning and understanding each other

Sure East Asia is the more "superior" of all because you're more white than us. That sounds so fucking dumb we all bleed red at the end of the day and none of y'all (nor us) came down from heaven and thinking that your skin color is the greatest is a sign that you're fucking privilege

And on twt some people (I'm putting this lightly) are saying SE Asians are not true Asians and that we're monkeys???? Have they ever learned geography and see how big of a fucking CONTINENT ASIA IS???? LITERALLY WE HAVE EAST, SOUTH EAST, SOUTH, WEST, CENTRAL, AND NORTH ASIA

I hope San is doing well after what happened over his fancam. Like it's just *sweats*, not blood. Your body needs to sweat to get those minerals n water out to cool down, if not the sweat glands can clog and cause more issues in the future. People are so weird for hating a normal bodily function

Finished a few months ago actually. I will start a collection of ateez members as uncommon/rarely known underwater creatures

If you haven't noticed, I am going crazy.

For looks that might work or will cause a fashion crime—
HJ - IYF look with that commander hat
SH - halazia
SN - music bank cyberpunk

Cue one day where there is an inauguration of sorts and all government officials will have to attend and have some parade. Suddenly they got ambushed by the rebellion and SH faked HJ's death so the captain could lead the group to overthrow the government.