Cuck Norris
@cucknorris69.bsky.social
Just a red blooded American who loves God, guns, and watching two dudes who responded to a Craigslist ad plow my wife
My pronouns are round/house
(This is a parody account if it wasn't obvious)
My pronouns are round/house
(This is a parody account if it wasn't obvious)
Ed Sheeran is a punk bitch loser and Robert Kraft is a disgusting fucking Epstein fan
September 14, 2026 at 6:42 PM
Ed Sheeran is a punk bitch loser and Robert Kraft is a disgusting fucking Epstein fan
Fantasy football is just D&D for jocks
September 6, 2026 at 2:11 PM
Fantasy football is just D&D for jocks
Now that Lindsey's dead, who am I going to play "Ladybugs vs the Giant Hairy Caterpillar" with???
July 20, 2026 at 6:35 PM
Now that Lindsey's dead, who am I going to play "Ladybugs vs the Giant Hairy Caterpillar" with???
I feel a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of male escorts started weeping over lost revenue all at once
July 12, 2026 at 12:34 PM
I feel a great disturbance in the force, as if thousands of male escorts started weeping over lost revenue all at once
"Have a positive attitude"? In this economy?
May 7, 2026 at 3:48 AM
"Have a positive attitude"? In this economy?
Me and Jaques teaming up to fight off Antifa ninjas trying to teach woke trans ideology to our impressionable children! Also Sonic is there too
February 25, 2026 at 3:40 AM
Me and Jaques teaming up to fight off Antifa ninjas trying to teach woke trans ideology to our impressionable children! Also Sonic is there too
Start shooting back at those fucking nazi ICE traitors
January 25, 2026 at 5:04 PM
Start shooting back at those fucking nazi ICE traitors
What's everyone's favorite flavor of boot polish? I've always been partial to original, but vanilla ice is growing on me!
January 24, 2026 at 5:28 PM
What's everyone's favorite flavor of boot polish? I've always been partial to original, but vanilla ice is growing on me!
Fuck ICE, fuck Trump, and fuck every single person who voted for this bullshit as well as the stupid fuckass fence sitters who didn't bother to vote at all.
January 8, 2026 at 4:51 AM
Fuck ICE, fuck Trump, and fuck every single person who voted for this bullshit as well as the stupid fuckass fence sitters who didn't bother to vote at all.
Blech, had waaaaay too much egg nog last night. Either that or Roger Stone "came down my chimney", if you get my drift 😉
December 26, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Blech, had waaaaay too much egg nog last night. Either that or Roger Stone "came down my chimney", if you get my drift 😉
Merry Christmas to everyone, even including the scumbag radical left that keeps trying to take Christ out of Christmas while also trying to fuck my wife (I'm actually pretty ok with that second thing)
December 26, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Merry Christmas to everyone, even including the scumbag radical left that keeps trying to take Christ out of Christmas while also trying to fuck my wife (I'm actually pretty ok with that second thing)
The first best thing about your wife leaving you for her boyfriend is that now, every room in your house is a man cave! The second best thing is there's nobody else home to hear your sobs echo through the empty shell of a home you once shared with the woman you loved!
October 9, 2025 at 12:31 AM
The first best thing about your wife leaving you for her boyfriend is that now, every room in your house is a man cave! The second best thing is there's nobody else home to hear your sobs echo through the empty shell of a home you once shared with the woman you loved!
I joined the California National Guard so I could go karate chop libtards in Oregon and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
October 6, 2025 at 3:52 AM
I joined the California National Guard so I could go karate chop libtards in Oregon and all I got was this lousy t-shirt
Thoughts and prayers for my boy Charlie. Man, you're lucky they shot you in the neck and missed that big fuckin' watermelon you call a head!
September 10, 2025 at 7:50 PM
Thoughts and prayers for my boy Charlie. Man, you're lucky they shot you in the neck and missed that big fuckin' watermelon you call a head!
I HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY THAT'LL TRIGGER YOU LIBERAL WEENIES, THAT'S WHY ALL FUTURE POSTS WILL BE DONE IN ALL CAPS TO CONVEY HOW SMART, HANDSOME, AMD FUCKABLE I AM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
August 25, 2025 at 4:02 AM
I HAVE A LOT OF IMPORTANT THINGS TO SAY THAT'LL TRIGGER YOU LIBERAL WEENIES, THAT'S WHY ALL FUTURE POSTS WILL BE DONE IN ALL CAPS TO CONVEY HOW SMART, HANDSOME, AMD FUCKABLE I AM. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!
Reposted by Cuck Norris
The screaming 8 year old running around the tire store fucking everything up while I'm waiting for them to get started on my car that was supposed to be on the rack 45 minutes ago has softened my position on abortion
August 21, 2025 at 4:43 PM
The screaming 8 year old running around the tire store fucking everything up while I'm waiting for them to get started on my car that was supposed to be on the rack 45 minutes ago has softened my position on abortion
I for one am saying we should gift Alaska back to Russia, they've done so much for us! Like helping God emperor Trump get reelected! Where would we be if it weren't for Russian influence?
August 16, 2025 at 4:31 AM
I for one am saying we should gift Alaska back to Russia, they've done so much for us! Like helping God emperor Trump get reelected! Where would we be if it weren't for Russian influence?
I for one love seeing Sydney Sweeney's tits. They help dull the pain that comes from the knowledge the world is probably ending and it's because I got duped into voting for a pedophile three times.
August 5, 2025 at 9:27 PM
I for one love seeing Sydney Sweeney's tits. They help dull the pain that comes from the knowledge the world is probably ending and it's because I got duped into voting for a pedophile three times.
Who gives a shit if the president paved over the rose garden? Flowers are for the gays.
August 4, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Who gives a shit if the president paved over the rose garden? Flowers are for the gays.
The other day at the Mar-a-Lago MAGA fuckfest, I was blowin' out Roger Stone's back and his Nixon back tat winked at me. I came so hard FEMA declared Rog's butthole a flood disaster zone and sent its full response team!
August 2, 2025 at 4:54 PM
The other day at the Mar-a-Lago MAGA fuckfest, I was blowin' out Roger Stone's back and his Nixon back tat winked at me. I came so hard FEMA declared Rog's butthole a flood disaster zone and sent its full response team!
Sorry for the brief hiatus, I was mistakenly scooped up in an ICE raid and deported to El Salvador for a little bit. They confused me for a day laborer no matter how many times I told them I was at Home Depot looking for someone to fuck my wife. Nobody's perfecf!
June 28, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Sorry for the brief hiatus, I was mistakenly scooped up in an ICE raid and deported to El Salvador for a little bit. They confused me for a day laborer no matter how many times I told them I was at Home Depot looking for someone to fuck my wife. Nobody's perfecf!
@jd-vance-1.bsky.social JD! What a nice surprise to see you here! Last time I saw you, you were nuts deep in that La-z-boy at Roger Stone's MAGA fuckparty! How's the wife?
June 20, 2025 at 7:42 AM
@jd-vance-1.bsky.social JD! What a nice surprise to see you here! Last time I saw you, you were nuts deep in that La-z-boy at Roger Stone's MAGA fuckparty! How's the wife?
Here's a story about kings.
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
June 11, 2025 at 4:54 AM
Here's a story about kings.
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
Once upon a time, there was a poor farmer who only grew enough food to feed himself. One day, the mayor of his village knocked on his door and said "by order of the king, I am hereby demanding an eighth of your profits as tax."
The farmer said "Look around."
>>
I don't wear a mask when I'm rounding up illegals with the boys because I'm trying to hide my identity, I'm wearing it because my face breaks out in little red bumps when I shave and it's soooo embarrassing!
June 9, 2025 at 6:00 AM
I don't wear a mask when I'm rounding up illegals with the boys because I'm trying to hide my identity, I'm wearing it because my face breaks out in little red bumps when I shave and it's soooo embarrassing!