Something I never understood about The Dark Knight was like who were all those people and did all that really happen and if it did then why wasn’t it on the news because I feel like it should have been on the news but I guess I wasn’t old enough to be watching the news at the time so maybe it was

oh you don’t wanna fuck with that guy; he’s fucking crazy, he’s got anxiety. i seen him think about something a girl told him in high school for 12 hours once

I wish they invented a shampoo that you only had to use once and your hair would stay washed forever

Limoncello la croix tastes like sunscreen but I’ll keep drinking that garbage

when you see a MISSING PET poster for a bird it’s like — he’s fuckin gone man. He is out of here

It feels keenly unfair that I should be fat just because I eat whatever I want and don’t exercise

Due to covid everybody has to wear condoms now:/

I am outside your house @ElonMusk

I'm gonna be an astronaut

Does anybody want to insert a giant marshmallow roasting stick through my torso and slowly rotate me over a campfire until I’m perfectly golden brown?

Don’t mind trials but I absolutely have to draw the line at tribulations

Where’s my second invite code bitches 🥱

My mom heard the word “woke” on fox news and asked me if she is woke. No mom

Am I allowed to post death threats here or nah

my client just bit me your honor

Does anybody want to pick me up by my ankle and drag me across some broken glass and a burning fire then feed me to a lion?

Rotating my juicy brain and perfect heart in my mind

Yeah I’m thinking is 5 o fricking clock

*taps mic* Is this thing on?