Saying “you too” after someone tells you to enjoy your movie is what happens when politeness finishes the sentence before comprehension arrives.

Passing someone who's walking almost your exact speed means you now have to walk faster than you wanted for long enough to prove the pass was necessary.

Some conversations require two goodbyes because the first goodbye apparently only opens a final round of conversation.

Stopping the microwave at 0:01 is spending three minutes waiting for your food and then deciding the final beep is an unacceptable use of your time.

If someone hands you their phone to show you one photo, you have been given access to the photo, not promoted to curator of the camera roll.

Refreshing package tracking five minutes after nothing changed is just checking whether the delivery has responded to increased supervision.

Holding a door for someone from too far away is the only polite gesture that immediately forces the other person to exercise.