Once again what should have been a routine visit to the Ford dealership ends with the entire service department laughing at my tiny penis 
September 9, 2026 at 9:38 PM
Once again what should have been a routine visit to the Ford dealership ends with the entire service department laughing at my tiny penis 
Optimus Slime. Maybe that’s something 
September 3, 2026 at 3:16 PM
Optimus Slime. Maybe that’s something 
Sometimes I stretch my foreskin over my balls and call it boyz n the hood. Oh god it feels good to finally get this off my chest
August 18, 2026 at 1:27 AM
Sometimes I stretch my foreskin over my balls and call it boyz n the hood. Oh god it feels good to finally get this off my chest
Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of munitions. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.
Nothing says “we have plenty of ammunition” like threatening to lock up anyone who says we don’t.
August 7, 2026 at 10:08 PM
Out on the town having the time of my life with a bunch of munitions. They're all just out of frame, laughing too.
What they don’t tell you is that you don’t *have* to share these, it’s only a suggestion. You can eat the whole thing yourself
August 1, 2026 at 8:42 PM
What they don’t tell you is that you don’t *have* to share these, it’s only a suggestion. You can eat the whole thing yourself
When I die please hurl my corpse over the wall at my enemies to spread disease
July 30, 2026 at 2:16 AM
When I die please hurl my corpse over the wall at my enemies to spread disease
The song of summer 2026 is finally here and it’s sober by Tool 
July 27, 2026 at 10:53 PM
The song of summer 2026 is finally here and it’s sober by Tool 
By far the most old-person thing I do is combine the terms AirPods and earbuds into “air buds.” I’ll be walking around the house saying “where did I put my air buds?” You hate to see it
July 21, 2026 at 6:00 PM
By far the most old-person thing I do is combine the terms AirPods and earbuds into “air buds.” I’ll be walking around the house saying “where did I put my air buds?” You hate to see it
I think I speak for everyone when I say these are indeed some of most sexually pleasurable bovines in all of video gamedom
July 14, 2026 at 1:42 AM
I think I speak for everyone when I say these are indeed some of most sexually pleasurable bovines in all of video gamedom
I feel like I’m going fucking insane. Good vibes of losing someone who was actively making the world a worse place immediately undermined by the people who ostensibly are fighting back but in reality are totally complicit. The ties that bind are money and power, nothing else really matters
What I’ll remember most about Senator Graham was his sense of humor and how he deployed it to move his policy positions forward. Though we did not often agree, Senator Graham was never disagreeable.
July 12, 2026 at 8:18 PM
I feel like I’m going fucking insane. Good vibes of losing someone who was actively making the world a worse place immediately undermined by the people who ostensibly are fighting back but in reality are totally complicit. The ties that bind are money and power, nothing else really matters
I’m sorry, you’re telling me that party rock is in the house? TONIGHT? Um yeah, I think we’ll be having a good time
July 8, 2026 at 9:56 PM
I’m sorry, you’re telling me that party rock is in the house? TONIGHT? Um yeah, I think we’ll be having a good time
Yikes, our Bring Your Pitbull To Work event here at the daycare center didn’t exactly go to plan. Not looking forward to sending these text messages
July 8, 2026 at 2:49 AM
Yikes, our Bring Your Pitbull To Work event here at the daycare center didn’t exactly go to plan. Not looking forward to sending these text messages
Me having clearly forgotten what the statue of liberty is called: ah there she is, the big green lady. Ol’ torchie herself. Mamamerica. The copper topper
July 4, 2026 at 8:45 PM
Me having clearly forgotten what the statue of liberty is called: ah there she is, the big green lady. Ol’ torchie herself. Mamamerica. The copper topper
Just got an IQ test and it’s a perfect 55. Angel number
July 1, 2026 at 3:03 AM
Just got an IQ test and it’s a perfect 55. Angel number
All door to door solicitors should adopt the ice cream truck model. “Oh I recognize that tune, it’s the solar panels guy. I’ve been meaning to talk to them”
June 30, 2026 at 1:58 AM
All door to door solicitors should adopt the ice cream truck model. “Oh I recognize that tune, it’s the solar panels guy. I’ve been meaning to talk to them”
Feeling pretty smug about my career path that isn’t in danger of AI disruption: veterinarian specializing in horse abortions
June 25, 2026 at 3:14 AM
Feeling pretty smug about my career path that isn’t in danger of AI disruption: veterinarian specializing in horse abortions
All this corporate cross-selling is great. I love being offered a credit card when I get a milkshake or subscribing to Netflix when I buy tires. This is all good and helpful to me, the consumer
June 22, 2026 at 5:38 PM
All this corporate cross-selling is great. I love being offered a credit card when I get a milkshake or subscribing to Netflix when I buy tires. This is all good and helpful to me, the consumer
Wife is still upset that I lost my retirement (I guess technically both of ours) on the hawk tuah coin. Like it’s been months, move on lady
June 20, 2026 at 8:39 PM
Wife is still upset that I lost my retirement (I guess technically both of ours) on the hawk tuah coin. Like it’s been months, move on lady
Been putting it off but finally got my adult circumcision for coming in last in my fantasy football league
June 15, 2026 at 12:40 AM
Been putting it off but finally got my adult circumcision for coming in last in my fantasy football league
Putting a picture of the $19.99 oil change place in my wallet with a note that says don’t believe his lies
June 12, 2026 at 3:21 PM
Putting a picture of the $19.99 oil change place in my wallet with a note that says don’t believe his lies
A shirt that says “well behaved women rarely make history” on the front and “it’s wine o’clock somewhere” on the back
June 11, 2026 at 11:26 PM
A shirt that says “well behaved women rarely make history” on the front and “it’s wine o’clock somewhere” on the back
That’s my secret, cap. I’m always sitting on my balls so they have to stop filming for a couple of days
May 26, 2026 at 9:39 PM
That’s my secret, cap. I’m always sitting on my balls so they have to stop filming for a couple of days
Reposted by Will
Just feel so much freer after deciding that the laws of God and man no longer apply to me
April 22, 2026 at 3:26 PM
Just feel so much freer after deciding that the laws of God and man no longer apply to me
RIP to toad, touched a ten dollar bill laced with fentanyl
May 20, 2026 at 2:26 AM
RIP to toad, touched a ten dollar bill laced with fentanyl
Folks like to clown on mr beast but the new model looks almost human
May 9, 2026 at 2:52 AM
Folks like to clown on mr beast but the new model looks almost human