James Webpage
@excusehaver.bsky.social
A normal guy on the internet. Not a flat earther unless flat earth is true. (he/him)
I like to imagine that every receipt is a tiny scroll of identify that a passing hero could use to reveal my poor decisions
May 9, 2026 at 6:35 PM
I like to imagine that every receipt is a tiny scroll of identify that a passing hero could use to reveal my poor decisions
“Hantavirus can’t infect me if I become a rat” I say, holding the amulet aloft.
May 9, 2026 at 5:53 AM
“Hantavirus can’t infect me if I become a rat” I say, holding the amulet aloft.
QUICK. everyone who has hantavirus, travel to as many places as possible right away!!!
May 8, 2026 at 11:38 PM
QUICK. everyone who has hantavirus, travel to as many places as possible right away!!!
The gap between a jar's threads and the lid's threads is called the "tolerance zone" and-
[I am vaporized by an FBI Jaeger named Indignant Entropy].
[I am vaporized by an FBI Jaeger named Indignant Entropy].
May 8, 2026 at 3:01 AM
The gap between a jar's threads and the lid's threads is called the "tolerance zone" and-
[I am vaporized by an FBI Jaeger named Indignant Entropy].
[I am vaporized by an FBI Jaeger named Indignant Entropy].
MEGATRON [drops immaculate beat]
SOUNDWAVE [in the crowd]: I made that
SOUNDWAVE [in the crowd]: I made that
May 8, 2026 at 2:44 AM
MEGATRON [drops immaculate beat]
SOUNDWAVE [in the crowd]: I made that
SOUNDWAVE [in the crowd]: I made that
the year is 2026. joe biden has been inside the escape room for 14 months. the staff slips sandwiches under the door. he has solved zero puzzles but has made friends with the lock.
May 2, 2026 at 3:53 PM
the year is 2026. joe biden has been inside the escape room for 14 months. the staff slips sandwiches under the door. he has solved zero puzzles but has made friends with the lock.
GENGHIS KHAN [Connection Request Pending]: Excited to share that I've recently expanded my network
May 2, 2026 at 2:07 AM
GENGHIS KHAN [Connection Request Pending]: Excited to share that I've recently expanded my network
Don’t let the bed bugs bite! Unless they are Cyrex R-32 Medisleep nanoBugs. Per instructions, nanoBugs may only be administered during REM sleep. If the melding is not completed within parameters, nanoBugs may escape containment, causing entrapment within the sleep realm, and voiding the warranty.
May 1, 2026 at 4:10 AM
Don’t let the bed bugs bite! Unless they are Cyrex R-32 Medisleep nanoBugs. Per instructions, nanoBugs may only be administered during REM sleep. If the melding is not completed within parameters, nanoBugs may escape containment, causing entrapment within the sleep realm, and voiding the warranty.
You’re laughing? They fired the king and you’re laughing?
March 16, 2026 at 12:09 AM
You’re laughing? They fired the king and you’re laughing?
I invented a candy bar in my dream last night called a SnickSnack. It’s a snickers but you replace the nougat with a KitKat wafer.
November 2, 2025 at 2:38 AM
I invented a candy bar in my dream last night called a SnickSnack. It’s a snickers but you replace the nougat with a KitKat wafer.
*Diving headfirst into a rock crusher* get ready with me to become sand
July 25, 2025 at 3:02 AM
*Diving headfirst into a rock crusher* get ready with me to become sand
New out of office reply format just dropped
January 19, 2025 at 4:58 PM
New out of office reply format just dropped
Reposted by James Webpage
Phrenologists back in the day were like “skull issue”
December 29, 2024 at 7:44 PM
Phrenologists back in the day were like “skull issue”
This is so good. I love this shit. I eat this up like an English breakfast
My bipartisan legislation to recognize the Bald Eagle as our national bird just passed Congress and is now headed to the President’s desk to be signed into law! 🦅
December 17, 2024 at 6:14 AM
This is so good. I love this shit. I eat this up like an English breakfast
Reposted by James Webpage
so there's this farmers commercial where they're watching "red one" and the male insurance agent says "I think it's a recreational vehicle" in regards to santa's sleigh. why the fuck would he think that? santa obviously uses it for work, is he stupid? is this guy just extremely bad at his job?
December 16, 2024 at 2:17 PM
so there's this farmers commercial where they're watching "red one" and the male insurance agent says "I think it's a recreational vehicle" in regards to santa's sleigh. why the fuck would he think that? santa obviously uses it for work, is he stupid? is this guy just extremely bad at his job?
learning kung fu like neo by replacing my fruit by the foot with old power rangers VHS tapes.
December 12, 2024 at 5:21 AM
learning kung fu like neo by replacing my fruit by the foot with old power rangers VHS tapes.
his name is nino mangione and you expect him to snitch on his cousin luigi?
December 11, 2024 at 7:35 PM
his name is nino mangione and you expect him to snitch on his cousin luigi?
Reposted by James Webpage
If Millie Bobby Brown grows to 1000 times her size, she becomes Bobby Brown
November 28, 2024 at 3:55 PM
If Millie Bobby Brown grows to 1000 times her size, she becomes Bobby Brown
Reposted by James Webpage
The Unabomber: And then the left tried to cancel me. They showed up at my door and arrested me for my posts
Joe Rogan: Wow
Joe Rogan: Wow
November 27, 2024 at 8:25 PM
The Unabomber: And then the left tried to cancel me. They showed up at my door and arrested me for my posts
Joe Rogan: Wow
Joe Rogan: Wow