ExpandedEvol
@expandedevol.bsky.social
Bassist. Beer Connoisseur. Roller Disco Aficionado. I have stupid ideas so I post them.
I would like to apply for the position of the person who farts into deli meat containers before they're sealed and shipped out.
September 19, 2025 at 8:05 PM
I would like to apply for the position of the person who farts into deli meat containers before they're sealed and shipped out.
Since we know "De" signifies "of" or "from" we can suffice @tomdelonge.bsky.social's dad had an absolute fucking HOG on him. Bravo sir.
June 4, 2025 at 5:46 PM
Since we know "De" signifies "of" or "from" we can suffice @tomdelonge.bsky.social's dad had an absolute fucking HOG on him. Bravo sir.
Not to undermine his contributions to the golden age of hip hop, but can I refer to Biz Markie as Skid Markie in a convivial setting? Out of respect of course.
May 13, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Not to undermine his contributions to the golden age of hip hop, but can I refer to Biz Markie as Skid Markie in a convivial setting? Out of respect of course.
The only thing missing from that "Morning Routine" video is the dude, in the bathroom, powerhousing the chicken tikka masala from the night before.
April 8, 2025 at 11:19 AM
The only thing missing from that "Morning Routine" video is the dude, in the bathroom, powerhousing the chicken tikka masala from the night before.
We, as a society, have accepted that pulling down a person's undergarments is an acceptable retaliation for not giving us candy or smelling our feet when we demand it.
April 6, 2025 at 7:58 PM
We, as a society, have accepted that pulling down a person's undergarments is an acceptable retaliation for not giving us candy or smelling our feet when we demand it.
Has science officially eradicated Dishpan Hands? A disease that ravaged the digits of us lowly folks through the 80's and 90's.
March 24, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Has science officially eradicated Dishpan Hands? A disease that ravaged the digits of us lowly folks through the 80's and 90's.
Since the dude was absolutely loaded, does anyone know if Regis Philbin is on the Epstien list? I need to know!
March 10, 2025 at 6:15 PM
Since the dude was absolutely loaded, does anyone know if Regis Philbin is on the Epstien list? I need to know!
I don't know who you are. But, Doctors Dan, you're my hero.
March 3, 2025 at 8:03 PM
I don't know who you are. But, Doctors Dan, you're my hero.
Modern schools should be more like Lord Of The Flies. Your kid didn't come home from school?? Bro, they tried to shred the gnar and failed. They couldn't hang so they're Audi 5000, buuuuuuuddy.
February 28, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Modern schools should be more like Lord Of The Flies. Your kid didn't come home from school?? Bro, they tried to shred the gnar and failed. They couldn't hang so they're Audi 5000, buuuuuuuddy.
Sometimes the universe has a way of sending messages.
February 23, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Sometimes the universe has a way of sending messages.
I side-gig as a crossing guard for my kids elementary school. Picture day they asked if I wanted a picture and to be in the year book. Who could pass up such a great opportunity?? #crossingguard #lollipopman
February 22, 2025 at 4:47 PM
I side-gig as a crossing guard for my kids elementary school. Picture day they asked if I wanted a picture and to be in the year book. Who could pass up such a great opportunity?? #crossingguard #lollipopman
People in their late 30's that shart themselves should be proud. You've made it this far and you still trust your gut. It got you where you are now.
February 21, 2025 at 5:34 PM
People in their late 30's that shart themselves should be proud. You've made it this far and you still trust your gut. It got you where you are now.
Has anyone checked on Diddy lately? Did he "hang himself" yet? Have we moved on to the next atrocity and forgot about the Baby Oil Bandit?
February 21, 2025 at 5:20 PM
Has anyone checked on Diddy lately? Did he "hang himself" yet? Have we moved on to the next atrocity and forgot about the Baby Oil Bandit?
ChiChi is not good enough for Goku. I said it and stand by it.
January 27, 2025 at 8:57 PM
ChiChi is not good enough for Goku. I said it and stand by it.
Then: Eat problems then shit successs
Now: Eating problem then wipe your ass and the back of your legs because you're old and fat and this isn't exactly success.
Now: Eating problem then wipe your ass and the back of your legs because you're old and fat and this isn't exactly success.
January 19, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Then: Eat problems then shit successs
Now: Eating problem then wipe your ass and the back of your legs because you're old and fat and this isn't exactly success.
Now: Eating problem then wipe your ass and the back of your legs because you're old and fat and this isn't exactly success.
If you "play" the washboard fuck you and your Frito-Lay Ruffles plank. I can make the same sound scratching your mom's pimpled ass. Get a real instrument
...Poser
...Poser
January 19, 2025 at 1:15 PM
If you "play" the washboard fuck you and your Frito-Lay Ruffles plank. I can make the same sound scratching your mom's pimpled ass. Get a real instrument
...Poser
...Poser
Why do Spaghettios always make the bowl scalding hot but still remain lukewarm?
November 11, 2024 at 2:15 AM
Why do Spaghettios always make the bowl scalding hot but still remain lukewarm?
I'm not saying I'm rich, but my kids don't have to refrain from drinking their milk if they want a second bowl of cereal.
November 10, 2024 at 12:42 AM
I'm not saying I'm rich, but my kids don't have to refrain from drinking their milk if they want a second bowl of cereal.
Me: Hmm... I see. But do you give a damn about your bad reputation?
Joan Jett: Oh no, no, no, no not me, oh no, no, no, no not me
Joan Jett: Oh no, no, no, no not me, oh no, no, no, no not me
November 10, 2024 at 12:41 AM
Me: Hmm... I see. But do you give a damn about your bad reputation?
Joan Jett: Oh no, no, no, no not me, oh no, no, no, no not me
Joan Jett: Oh no, no, no, no not me, oh no, no, no, no not me
The crappy thing about being an adult is that I now burden myself with the concept of the appropriate chocolate to milk ratio.
November 9, 2024 at 10:17 PM
The crappy thing about being an adult is that I now burden myself with the concept of the appropriate chocolate to milk ratio.
My family has clearly forgotten the TP shortage of 2020. Out here wiping their butts like Rockefellers.
November 9, 2024 at 2:17 PM
My family has clearly forgotten the TP shortage of 2020. Out here wiping their butts like Rockefellers.