New parasite comes out and suddenly everyone forgot they were capable of shitting their pants in public unassisted in 2023 🙄

We’re going to need more than a powerful jar spell this time, ladies

I will be getting one abortion per day every day until my demands are met

I think the reason Babygirl movie pisses me off so badly is that any woman over 35 with a dram of self-respect is dropping off that intern at KidSnips before taking even so much as a dinner recommendation from him, let alone a spanking.

If you're wondering what you have to offer your community or aren't sure how you can help as a general question, check this out:

If you ever need to make small talk with someone who has kids you can just reply “haha yeah they’re at that age”.

Steve1989 spends four minutes expounding upon the advantages of the aluminium can. Among them, "Impenetrable to The Insect".

I always hear “piano four-hands” as “piano for Hands” and I’m like “no shit”

Client on phone: how’d you do at wordle today?
Me: I don’t play wordle but if I did I like to imagine I would have done well.
Him: ok

Had a dream that I wrote to Trader Joe’s about making a vegan hot chocolate and they released Baby Joe’s vegan hot chocolate for sensitive tummies

Furry pride person in a fur suit mask wearing shirt that says “we are human”. Homie I thought you were a dog