I Am A Pyrite King
@iamapyriteking.bsky.social
Mining fools' good since before you were born. I can either tell you who I am, or show you who I am, but on social media it's tough to do both.
All the testemonials, and I'll bet none of them mention his supporting role in BEWARE! THE BLOB
September 18, 2026 at 8:07 PM
All the testemonials, and I'll bet none of them mention his supporting role in BEWARE! THE BLOB
Coming soon: Luigi Cozzi's CONTAMINATION II...
September 18, 2026 at 5:35 PM
Coming soon: Luigi Cozzi's CONTAMINATION II...
🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 Ed Sheeran's reflection has left his mirror. "I don't know how he can face himself," it said before vanishing.
When asked for comment, Sheeran's bathroom sink said self-reflection has never been Sheeran's strong suit.
When asked for comment, Sheeran's bathroom sink said self-reflection has never been Sheeran's strong suit.
🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 Ed Sheeran's carp leave his koi pond in protest. "We'll take our chances on the surface," spoke one kōhaku.
🚨BREAKING🚨 Ed Sheeran's mail carrier now refusing to deliver anything to his house. "I just throw all his mail in the sewer now" he says
September 16, 2026 at 6:45 PM
🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 Ed Sheeran's reflection has left his mirror. "I don't know how he can face himself," it said before vanishing.
When asked for comment, Sheeran's bathroom sink said self-reflection has never been Sheeran's strong suit.
When asked for comment, Sheeran's bathroom sink said self-reflection has never been Sheeran's strong suit.
BREAKING: Billy and the Boingers will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.
Though it's been whispered that Deathtöngue *might* be available if herring heads are involved... (thwap!) NO NO definitely not. Sorry. Ow.
Though it's been whispered that Deathtöngue *might* be available if herring heads are involved... (thwap!) NO NO definitely not. Sorry. Ow.
September 16, 2026 at 4:31 AM
BREAKING: Billy and the Boingers will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.
Though it's been whispered that Deathtöngue *might* be available if herring heads are involved... (thwap!) NO NO definitely not. Sorry. Ow.
Though it's been whispered that Deathtöngue *might* be available if herring heads are involved... (thwap!) NO NO definitely not. Sorry. Ow.
BREAKING: Sir Robin's minstrels will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.
Honestly,we had to eat the act.
Honestly,we had to eat the act.
September 16, 2026 at 3:25 AM
BREAKING: Sir Robin's minstrels will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran.
Honestly,we had to eat the act.
Honestly,we had to eat the act.
Well, I can tell you: my band, COITUS INTERRUPTUS, is *definitely* pulling out...
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Jeff "Horny" Horowitz has agreed to replace Macklemore on Ed Sheeran's upcoming Loop Tour. Ed welcomes "Horny" and his exciting brand of apolitical music.
Jeff "Horny" Horowitz has agreed to replace Macklemore on Ed Sheeran's upcoming Loop Tour. Ed welcomes "Horny" and his exciting brand of apolitical music.
September 16, 2026 at 3:19 AM
Well, I can tell you: my band, COITUS INTERRUPTUS, is *definitely* pulling out...
This just in: the Fredonian Army Drum Corps will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran's tour.
September 16, 2026 at 2:25 AM
This just in: the Fredonian Army Drum Corps will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran's tour.
The Snowths and the Mah-na Mah-na Guy have dropped out of the Ed Sheeran tour
September 16, 2026 at 12:14 AM
The Snowths and the Mah-na Mah-na Guy have dropped out of the Ed Sheeran tour
Reposted by I Am A Pyrite King
we need more bats on here
September 13, 2026 at 10:48 PM
we need more bats on here
Taking some time away from The News and going to see a movie about...
(checks notes)
... a lecherous, money-grubbing would-be dictator, installed by an oligarch, who fills his cabinet with incompetents and starts a pointless war.
🦆🍲
(checks notes)
... a lecherous, money-grubbing would-be dictator, installed by an oligarch, who fills his cabinet with incompetents and starts a pointless war.
🦆🍲
September 14, 2026 at 6:26 PM
Taking some time away from The News and going to see a movie about...
(checks notes)
... a lecherous, money-grubbing would-be dictator, installed by an oligarch, who fills his cabinet with incompetents and starts a pointless war.
🦆🍲
(checks notes)
... a lecherous, money-grubbing would-be dictator, installed by an oligarch, who fills his cabinet with incompetents and starts a pointless war.
🦆🍲
Make a band edible:
Rage Against the Maraschino Cherry
Jane's Adobo
Pumpernickelback
The Door-o Wats
Franz Foodinand
Tamales Dolby
Rage Against the Maraschino Cherry
Jane's Adobo
Pumpernickelback
The Door-o Wats
Franz Foodinand
Tamales Dolby
Make a band edible:
Siouxsie and The Banh Mis
Siouxsie and The Banh Mis
Make a band edible:
Durian Durian
Durian Durian
September 14, 2026 at 2:34 PM
Make a band edible:
Rage Against the Maraschino Cherry
Jane's Adobo
Pumpernickelback
The Door-o Wats
Franz Foodinand
Tamales Dolby
Rage Against the Maraschino Cherry
Jane's Adobo
Pumpernickelback
The Door-o Wats
Franz Foodinand
Tamales Dolby
Today, I...
* went to see dinosaurs 🦕🦖 rawr
* ate fresh durian fritters
* bought durian snackies
* got some frozen durian
All in all, a good day.
* went to see dinosaurs 🦕🦖 rawr
* ate fresh durian fritters
* bought durian snackies
* got some frozen durian
All in all, a good day.
September 12, 2026 at 1:01 AM
Today, I...
* went to see dinosaurs 🦕🦖 rawr
* ate fresh durian fritters
* bought durian snackies
* got some frozen durian
All in all, a good day.
* went to see dinosaurs 🦕🦖 rawr
* ate fresh durian fritters
* bought durian snackies
* got some frozen durian
All in all, a good day.
Make a band edible:
Matzoh Hoople
Mochïhead
Velvet Underground Beef
The Circle Jerk Chickens
Durian Durian
Matzoh Hoople
Mochïhead
Velvet Underground Beef
The Circle Jerk Chickens
Durian Durian
Make a band edible:
Smashing Pumpkin Pies
Smashing Pumpkin Pies
Make a band edible:
Bon Bon Jovi
Bon Bon Jovi
September 12, 2026 at 12:36 AM
Make a band edible:
Matzoh Hoople
Mochïhead
Velvet Underground Beef
The Circle Jerk Chickens
Durian Durian
Matzoh Hoople
Mochïhead
Velvet Underground Beef
The Circle Jerk Chickens
Durian Durian
BREAKING: Worst thing to happen to the United States falls asleep at event commemorating the second worst thing to happen to the United States...
Leading to a new Worst Thing: he woke up.
Leading to a new Worst Thing: he woke up.
September 11, 2026 at 11:23 PM
BREAKING: Worst thing to happen to the United States falls asleep at event commemorating the second worst thing to happen to the United States...
Leading to a new Worst Thing: he woke up.
Leading to a new Worst Thing: he woke up.
Make a band edible:
Country Fried Joe and the Fish & Chips
Siouxshi and the Bánh-mì's
The GeneralTso-turers
Country Fried Joe and the Fish & Chips
Siouxshi and the Bánh-mì's
The GeneralTso-turers
Make a band edible:
The Rolling Scones
Pear Jam
Green Dates
The Rolling Scones
Pear Jam
Green Dates
Make a band edible:
Bon Bon Jovi
Bon Bon Jovi
September 11, 2026 at 5:57 PM
Make a band edible:
Country Fried Joe and the Fish & Chips
Siouxshi and the Bánh-mì's
The GeneralTso-turers
Country Fried Joe and the Fish & Chips
Siouxshi and the Bánh-mì's
The GeneralTso-turers
Hey, I found out who "accidentally" deployed the inflatable ramp on Hair Farce One...
September 10, 2026 at 8:17 PM
Hey, I found out who "accidentally" deployed the inflatable ramp on Hair Farce One...
All iPhones are foldable.
Most of them just don't work that well afterwards.
Most of them just don't work that well afterwards.
September 10, 2026 at 12:36 AM
All iPhones are foldable.
Most of them just don't work that well afterwards.
Most of them just don't work that well afterwards.
Just watched...
(la-la-la!)
(la-la-la!)
September 9, 2026 at 11:43 PM
Just watched...
(la-la-la!)
(la-la-la!)
Wait, what?! Fluffy McSnoodles is DEAD?!
First Sam Neill, Dolly Parton, and Tim Curry, and now we've lost Fluffy McSnoodles? This is terrible...
First Sam Neill, Dolly Parton, and Tim Curry, and now we've lost Fluffy McSnoodles? This is terrible...
September 9, 2026 at 4:14 PM
Wait, what?! Fluffy McSnoodles is DEAD?!
First Sam Neill, Dolly Parton, and Tim Curry, and now we've lost Fluffy McSnoodles? This is terrible...
First Sam Neill, Dolly Parton, and Tim Curry, and now we've lost Fluffy McSnoodles? This is terrible...
A Modest Proposal: Congressional salaries should come with a work requirement.
Welfare, unemployment, social security, Medicare all help the economy and improve lives. Congress's pay is the least effective form of public assistance. Pay 'em minimum wage & make 'em work in their ABUNDANT spare time.
Welfare, unemployment, social security, Medicare all help the economy and improve lives. Congress's pay is the least effective form of public assistance. Pay 'em minimum wage & make 'em work in their ABUNDANT spare time.
September 8, 2026 at 6:10 PM
A Modest Proposal: Congressional salaries should come with a work requirement.
Welfare, unemployment, social security, Medicare all help the economy and improve lives. Congress's pay is the least effective form of public assistance. Pay 'em minimum wage & make 'em work in their ABUNDANT spare time.
Welfare, unemployment, social security, Medicare all help the economy and improve lives. Congress's pay is the least effective form of public assistance. Pay 'em minimum wage & make 'em work in their ABUNDANT spare time.
I'm going to spend my declining years teaching mockingbirds to cry, "Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!"
That ought to fuck things up nicely.
That ought to fuck things up nicely.
September 8, 2026 at 5:47 AM
I'm going to spend my declining years teaching mockingbirds to cry, "Onomatopoeia! Onomatopoeia!"
That ought to fuck things up nicely.
That ought to fuck things up nicely.
What's it like inside your head?
September 7, 2026 at 10:29 PM
What's it like inside your head?
What's it like inside your head?
September 7, 2026 at 10:12 PM
What's it like inside your head?
What's it like inside your head?
September 7, 2026 at 10:07 PM
What's it like inside your head?
what's it like inside your head?
September 7, 2026 at 10:03 PM
what's it like inside your head?