Then I was almost laid off. I got transferred to a new client and more of the deregulation set in... I had to acclimate to the changes.... I was functioning but I had to find a way to lock in. The fucked up part is when I finally locked in, a few months later I got laid off.

At some point... I stopped wanting to answer a text let alone a phone call. I was absolutely in my own world and just wanted to be left alone aside from work. That was my focus and that is what mattered. I had to force myself to communicate a lot of the time.

I started to get the hang of it after a few months, I was getting in the work groove. The things that never left was the anxiety and depression... those affected me wanting to interact with people in person.

As customers started returning into the store I wanted nothing but to be as far away from people as I could. I started trying to find a job that was WFH because I thought it was the best for how I was feeling. It was good but also very bad.

Once employees started to come back we were mandated to wear masks and socially distance. Schedules were weird and I felt like a zombie most days. Serotonin and Dopamine were at an all time low. I had become a shell of myself and someone just grasping at life. I had no idea what was going on.

At work, I was essentially an assistant manager with 15 people reporting to me... that was gone in an instant. I went from delegating tasks and managing those employees along with everyone in the store to working alone and being called on rarely. It was a few months before I had reports again.

When covid hit

I could no longer go to the gym, my work schedule changed, my opportunities for socializing diminished from in person to just on the phone. I was completely out of my element and that drew on anxiety and depression which were nothing that felt normal to me. They werent normal.

At the most recent time, Covid is what changed everything. Leading into 2019 I was going to the gym, eating healthy, on a consistent work schedule with work like balance. I was living the dream of someone who was not on any stimulants other than coffee once every few days.

I will probably come back to that period of time at some point, as this most recent time is the more important one and affects my current day to day. If I only knew then what I am experiencing now.

I would have absolutely gotten tested then if I did not have the lived experience.

continuing on this post as a thread.

Going through a period of needing regulation has been a very rough time for me. I lived most of my life on a schedule. I believe that the first time I experienced deregulation was transitioning from HS to college.

absolutely. Nobody should go through that at 14 years old. It is also a sad world where teenagers think they are invincible. reasons why mental health is for sure something that needs to be tested every once in a while during adolescence.

the devils work

oh FOR SURE!!! How do you do that to somebody and just let the rot while you keep on with life. I dont wanna say make an example of him, but...

🫣😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Happy Pride Hubby 💍😘

Lol!! Adulting is hard. Food is forgettable so I understand

Was yall having too much fun with adult beverages? Lol

Damn!!! I know you were looking forward to it