Jane Torbeck
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janetorbeck.bsky.social
Jane Torbeck
@janetorbeck.bsky.social
97 followers 79 following 240 posts
Just chunter on about whatever I fancy- books, horror, fitness, food, games, weird perfume.

If you liked a fart joke I made on the internet, maybe you’ll enjoy my daft comedy-horror novel Gymkharnage: A Pony Book https://mybook.to/jQesg
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janetorbeck.bsky.social
A Short Stay In Hell 🩸📚💙. Soren is condemned to a slightly absurd, but comfortable hell in the form of a vast library. No pitchforks or flaming lakes, his needs are met and all he needs to do to leave is find his own life story in the endless shelves of gibberish.
Cover of A Short Stay In Hell by Steven L Peck. A black silhouette falls between endless storeys in a library filled with all the books generated by every possible combination of characters.
September 13, 2026 at 10:27 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Kind of tickled that the reason I can’t get a London hotel room within my expenses max rate is because of the Bayeux Tapestry, which is very pleasingly up there with the likes of Taylor Swift when it comes to selling out entire hotels.
September 10, 2026 at 7:14 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
After two days of contentedly sitting where I had left it, this melon, for no discernible reason, decided to very slowly and ominously roll itself off the fridge and bounce (not very well) across the floor right before my eyes, like a shit take on the bouncing red ball in every horror movie.
An egg-shaped, dark green melon on top of a fridge, now resting on a tea towel to thwart the beefy child ghost that was apparently drop-kicking it around like a rugby ball.
July 27, 2026 at 6:46 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
An interesting pair of advertisements from 1950. Do you want to slenderise gently with 20 minutes of nightly relaxation in a soothing Sorella bubble bath, or do you want to slenderise SUDDENLY AND VIOLENTLY with Bile Beans Laxative Plus?

(unclear whether “not slenderising at all” was an option)
Two advertisements from a 1950s women’s magazine. The top advertisement is for Sorella Foam Bath and promises to “slenderize gently” after a regular 20 minutes of relaxation in a bubble bath. The other ad is for Bile Beans Laxative Plus, and does not comment on how gentle the slenderising process may be.
July 13, 2026 at 6:04 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
My pre-order of This Is Where The Future Bleeds by @mikebrooks668.bsky.social! This will be my heatwave reading this week 🪐📚💙
A paperback copy of This Is Where The Future Bleeds by Mike Brooks. The cover is dark blue with washes of yellow and green light. It features alien-looking bright blue wasps and a long-haired character with a sword viewed from behind. Praise for This Is Where The Future Bleeds, describing it as fast-paced, fun and inventive, with praise for the humour, fascinating ideas and depiction of a found family.
July 7, 2026 at 6:09 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
I had to know.
A photo of the Marks and Spencer’s Chocolate, Strawberry and Pistachio Creme dessert sandwich. The packaging has green and red stripes and a picture of a chocolate dipped strawberry. The sandwich is visible through the window, and is made of chocolatey brioche with sliced strawberries and a pistachio creme filling.
July 5, 2026 at 10:58 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
#sotd is one of my favourite heatwave perfumes, Squid by Zoologist. I mostly get a salty, inky vanilla (actually benzoin) with incense and pink pepper. Dark, cool and bracing, and I enjoy the interesting blue-black murkiness when I’m getting bored with clean summer fragrances #fragrancesky
June 28, 2026 at 9:48 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
New smells: White Rice by d’Annam (I hardly ever buy full bottles, but this perfume just may make an honest woman of me), J-Scent discovery set, 3x gothy botanical candles by Rosefox (big fan of Grave Flowers, a pleasingly moody incense and dark, dried rose petal bomb) #fragrancesky
Shopping purchases on a black background sprigs of with orange flowers. Three black and pink candles by Rosefox Candles with scent descriptions on the jar: Fenlight (smoky lavender, lemon and vetiver), Grave Flowers (rose petals, dark florals and incense), and Wychwood (wildflowers, bergamot, oakmoss and balsam). The perfume White Rice by d’Annam, packaged in a white box with a bowl of jasmine rice on the front. A plain white box of perfume samples by J-Scent.
May 23, 2026 at 1:10 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
#sotd is Orange Pekoe Tea. Possets’ excellent black tea note smells very like sticking your nose into a caddy of good tea leaves and inhaling, but here the tea has been brewed light, crisp and almost citrussy. A very refreshing, spa-like tea fragrance for a relaxed Sunday #fragrancesky
Two dark blue perfume bottles (Lapsang Souchong and Orange Pekoe Tea) by Possets perfume, resting on an orange book, against an orange, grey and black box of Twinings’ Lady Grey tea.
May 17, 2026 at 9:32 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
YouTube recommended me a music video called Stacy’s Brother last night. Now wondering if anyone has written a song just called “Stacy”, from the perspective of a boyfriend who is actually quite keen on Stacy and doesn’t secretly have his eye on one of her more attractive relatives.
May 16, 2026 at 11:09 AM
Reposted by Jane Torbeck
samottewillsoulsby.bsky.social
This summary of different early medieval literature is still one of my favourite things on the internet. #medievalsky
Screenshot of Tumblr post by user sunshinemoonrx, reading: ‘Old Welsh lit: Dave punched Steve. This incurred a fine of twelve cattle and a nine-inch rod of silver and is known as one of the Three Mildly Annoying Blows of the Isle of Britain Old Irish lit: Dave punched Steve so that the top of his skull came out of his chin, and gore flooded the house, and he drove his fists down the street performing his battle-feats so that the corpses were so numerous there was no room for them to fall down. It was like “the fox among the hens” and “the oncoming tide” and “that time Emily had eight drinks when we all know she should stop at six” Old English lit: Dave, the hard man, the fierce man, the fist-man, gave Steve such a blow the like has not been seen since the feud between the Hylfings and the Wends. Thus it is rightly said that violence only begets more violence, unless of course it is particularly sicknasty. Amen.’
May 15, 2026 at 8:58 AM
Reposted by Jane Torbeck
devalmont.myatproto.social
General: That barrage damaged it! It's hurt!

*cheers from soldiers*

*smoke clears*

General: PULL OUT!!! PULL OUT!!!
Haunted Tesco Fruit Monstrosity Plumbert (A giant made entirely out fruit) with part of his face blown away, revealing the face of 90s character Mr Blobby.
May 3, 2026 at 11:45 AM
Reposted by Jane Torbeck
wyrdscience.bsky.social
Very much here for ruddy faced pissed Tom Bombadil handing out some street justice at closing time at the Prancing Pony
boardgamefeast.bsky.social Daniel Wynter @boardgamefeast.bsky.social · Apr 10
Tom Bombadillo gonna knock you on your bumbadillo
Illustration of Tom Bombadillo, holding up a palm and pulling back his other hand in a fist
April 11, 2026 at 3:46 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Playing Go Home Annie. I enjoy this SCP that causes a massive quantity of bananas to spontaneously manifest inside victims with the intent of killing them through the accumulated level of potassium-40, but mostly succeeding due to the accumulated volume of a billion bananas.
An image from the video game Go Home Annie. It depicts a laboratory environment, named as the Replication Division and focused on a sealed door containing a paranormal SCP entity. The porthole window in the door reveals that the room is entirely packed full of bananas. Reading the script in-game also reveals that a significant chunk of the facility was lost following the manifestation of all these bananas.
April 11, 2026 at 12:06 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
London Weird by AV Wilkes 🩸📚💙. Three perfectly crafted, tremendously gothic stories set in a London that has something very wrong with it. Three women become modern gothic heroines, caught in spiralling obsession & often thoroughly justified fears around their careers, relationships, pregnancies.
The cover of London Weird by AV Wilkes. A circular purple-tinged map of London from above that resembles a moon, on a plain black background.
April 6, 2026 at 1:47 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
I am not the hot-buttocked workman that the advertising algorithm is searching for, but I do appreciate the cartoon bum’s little hard hat.
An advertisement for a product called Armachillo underwear that promises Cool Unders for Overheated Butts. A now-frosty cartoon bottom wearing a little yellow hard hat is enthusiastically giving the thumbs up to a pair of blue underwear.
March 17, 2026 at 3:10 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Loved Coffin Moon 🩸📚💙. A straightforward revenge story, but graced with tremendous emotional depth. A Vietnam vet & his traumatised, fiercely determined niece embark on a bloody road trip through 1970s America searching for the vampire John Varley after he destroys their fragile happiness.
The cover of Coffin Moon by Keith Rosson. A slightly retro-styled cover that fits with the 1970s setting. An empty road winds through the mouth of a vampire skull on a plain red and black background.
March 11, 2026 at 6:10 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Reached the despair point in packing when you realise that an awful mistake has been made, you own more stuff than anyone in the universe has ever owned, and it will take an entire convoy of men with ven six weeks to move it all 90 mins down the road (..a half day job for one guy with a Sprinter).
March 10, 2026 at 2:58 PM
Reposted by Jane Torbeck
drspookyer.bsky.social
Text: Trying to get the cat in the pet carrier Creepy person in a robe struggling with a tiger
March 10, 2026 at 12:38 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Delighted to find out you can now get an iced strawberry matcha latte with your lukewarm steak bake at Greggs. What a time to be alive.
A photo of a strawberry iced matcha latte in a Greggs plastic cup. The drink is green on top, then white, with a red strawberry layer at the bottom of the cup. It’s even quite Instagrammable, except for the Greggs logo.
February 21, 2026 at 3:56 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
🩸📚💙

Persona by Aoife Josie Clements had me at “a feral shut-in discovers a disturbing internet porn video of what seems to be herself”. Severely depressed trans woman Annie is sinking quietly into mountains of trash when she sees her cam girl doppelgänger, a seemingly happy & sociable mirror
The cover of Persona by Aoife Josie Clements. A painting of a woman with pale skin and brown hair. Her eyes and the top half of her face are obscured behind smeared grey paint. A quote on the cover describes it as “the year’s great work of literary horror”.
February 15, 2026 at 10:42 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Going to spend my weekend sampling 4160 Tuesdays fragrances. Especially excited for Figs In White Chocolate and Lavender Rice, which will be my #sotd. Love their pretty boxes, the scent note cards, and how the samples look like sweets when they’re wrapped up in tissue paper 🥹 #fragrancesky
A box of perfume samples from the brand 4160 Tuesdays, on a yellow waffle blanket. The box is white and patterned with colourful drawings of perfume notes such as fruit and flowers. It’s surrounded by cards describing the fragrances and their key notes. The opened 4160 Tuesdays box, showing the perfume samples wrapped in colourful twists of tissue paper.
February 14, 2026 at 12:25 PM
Reposted by Jane Torbeck
barkmouchard.bsky.social
this would be many of you when faced with a HELLRAISER-esque scenario
Raphael says “wow a demon babe” and someone else says “it’s a demon, Raphael, a demon”
February 8, 2026 at 3:26 PM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Angel Down. Against the thundering, bloody backdrop of WW1, five lost and traumatised men are sent careening through the trenches on a desperate mission to save a downed angel in hopes she can end the war. Beautifully written in one long, breathless sentence like a never-ending scream 🩸📚💙
The cover for Angel Down, a novel by Daniel Kraus. The cover is mostly neutral in colour, with a white feather overlaying an explosion.
February 8, 2026 at 10:30 AM
janetorbeck.bsky.social
Reasons to journal:

- Good for mental health ❎😡🤮
- Record precious memories ❎😡🤮
- Provide valuable enrichment for future historians ❎😡🤮
- Can buy more notebooks ✅ 🥳👍
A photo of six notebooks on a yellow background. Two feature cats (a white cat lying underneath a flowering bush, and a seal point cat sniffing a pomegranate). One is green with stacked slices of citrus fruit on the cover. One is yellow with a black and white drawing of a mountain with a yellow sun. One is orange with a picture of a male torso with an orange bouquet of flowers replacing the head. One is pink with a picture of a tiger among pink blossoms.
February 7, 2026 at 2:40 PM