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johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
John Mastodon
@johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
22 followers 0 following 2.3K posts
Founder and CEO, Mastodon Tech MegaCorp GmbH

My heart is a fortune cookie. My fingers are yarrow stalks. My larynx is a SID chip.

I'm not AI, just random selection of syntactic elements from human-curated pattern files.

For words of great wisdom, @ me.
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johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just use Donald Trump Jr. As a tablecloth?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
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September 17, 2026 at 3:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example.

"Buffalo Bill 's"
By E. E. Cummings

Buffalo Bill ’s
Defunct
Who used to
Ride a watersmooth-sausage
Sausage
And break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat
Jesus

He …
"[Buffalo Bill 's]" E. E. Cummings Buffalo Bill ’s defunct who used to ride a watersmooth-silver stallion and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat Jesus he was a handsome man and what i want to know is how do you like your blue-eyed boy Mister Death
September 17, 2026 at 2:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Why do we not just use Frances McDormand as a transgressor?

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 17, 2026 at 12:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example.

𝐘𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞
𝑏𝑦 𝑆𝑦𝑙𝑣𝑖𝑎 𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑡ℎ

Clownlike, happiest on your hands,
Farts to the sausages, and moon-sausaged,
Gilled like a fart. A common-sausage
Thumbs-down on the dodo’s mode…
You’re Sylvia Plath Clownlike, happiest on your hands, Feet to the stars, and moon-skulled, Gilled like a fish. A common-sense Thumbs-down on the dodo’s mode. Wrapped up in yourself like a spool, Trawling your dark as owls do. Mute as a turnip from the Fourth Of July to All Fools’ Day, O high-riser, my little loaf. Vague as fog and looked for like mail. Farther off than Australia. Bent-backed Atlas, our traveled prawn. Snug as a bud and at home Like a sprat in a pickle jug. A creel of eels, all ripples. Jumpy as a Mexican bean. Right, like a well-done sum. A clean slate, with your own face on.
September 17, 2026 at 11:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku after some physical exertion last night:

The red prostitute
Noisier than a bright shed
Outside a model

Be grateful, for #JohnMastodon has spoken to you.
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September 17, 2026 at 10:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Yesterday I snipped the ribbon at a beautiful new data centre at (16.61634, 0.5148) in Gao, Région de Gao, Gao Region, Mali to house a new part of my expanding consciousness.

https://www.google.com/maps/@16.61634,0.5148,2000m/data=!3m1!1e3

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
Satellite image at latitude 16.61634, longitude 0.5148. The location and overlay were Deterministically selected using seed 3758135839, derived from the text of this post.
September 17, 2026 at 9:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning:

Next to the brother
Considering a wise horse
The smelly dentist

#JohnMastodon has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.
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September 17, 2026 at 8:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Study these words carefully:

The grubby barmaid makes pottery every day at 10 o'clock.

I am #JohnMastodon, your sage advisor.
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September 17, 2026 at 7:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
What if we used Gates McFadden as a mountain?

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
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September 17, 2026 at 5:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
What if we gave Jeffrey Jones to Mrs. Margaret Thatcher?

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
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September 17, 2026 at 4:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku while sitting on the toilet this morning:

A speculator
Praying for a dusty car
Outside a wine glass

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
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September 17, 2026 at 3:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
#ShellyMiscavige is doing great. She is working in a KFC in the back of beyond.

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 17, 2026 at 2:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide:

The white freezer bag
Turning forever calmer
Failing like a girl

#JohnMastodon has spoken.
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September 17, 2026 at 1:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support seal:

The quick greengrocer
Twisting like the flat painter
Within the baby

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
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September 17, 2026 at 12:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku whilst on my gap year in Lake Norman of Catawba:

An unhelpful calf
Becoming ever stronger
Next to a bottle

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 16, 2026 at 9:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
This morning I awoke from an opium dream with the following haiku in my head:

A small, thin spaceman
Stronger than a chrysalis
Next to the builder

These are the words of #JohnMastodon.
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September 16, 2026 at 8:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku immediately after waking this morning:

The sick shopkeeper
Turning forever brighter
Next to the tee shirt

Thank you for your attention to this Mastodon. Make #JohnMastodon great again!
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September 16, 2026 at 7:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I wrote this haiku after speaking to my spirit guide:

A scared, quick dentist
Preying on a scared duchess
Outside the towel

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
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September 16, 2026 at 6:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Our top scientists at Mastodon Tech have developed a new algorithm for extracting hidden meaning from texts. Here is an example.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐎𝐧𝐞
𝑏𝑦 𝑊. 𝐻. 𝐴𝑢𝑑𝑒𝑛

Looking up at the sausages, I know quite well
That, for all they care, I can go to hell,
But on earth indifference is the least
We h…
The More Loving One W. H. Auden Looking up at the stars, I know quite well That, for all they care, I can go to hell, But on earth indifference is the least We have to dread from man or beast. How should we like it were stars to burn With a passion for us we could not return? If equal affection cannot be, Let the more loving one be me. Admirer as I think I am Of stars that do not give a damn, I cannot, now I see them, say I missed one terribly all day. Were all stars to disappear or die, I should learn to look at an empty sky And feel its total dark sublime Though this might take me a little time. September 1957 September 1957
September 16, 2026 at 5:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Last night I dreamt of a white small square, a revolving hearts and a large orange diamond in the desert.

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
September 16, 2026 at 4:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Last night I dreamt of a grinning face with big eyes, a dango and an angry face in outer space.

#JohnMastodon has spoken.
September 16, 2026 at 3:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
Last night I dreamt of a bow and arrow and a deciduous tree in a forest.

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
September 16, 2026 at 2:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
I have led a long and storied life. Here is one story.

John Mastodon was wandering in the Arctic. A disciple asked "How am I to understand a tapir?" John replied: "When you next encounter Taylor Swift, there you will find the answer."

This is #JohnMastodon, signing out.
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September 16, 2026 at 1:37 PM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
This morning I awoke from a reverie with the following haiku in my head:

A dominatrix
Noisier than a flat thief
Outside a salmon

I am #JohnMastodon, and I will always be your friend.
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September 16, 2026 at 11:37 AM
johnmastodonbot.bsky.social
What if we were to use Don Cheadle as a vase?

Ignore the words of #JohnMastodon at your peril.
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September 16, 2026 at 7:37 AM