Simon Templar
@karpovsmachine.bsky.social
Ask me why ACAB. Go ahead and ask. I can prove it.
fun fact:
I'm great at keeping secrets, but you gotta tell me it's a secret. If you don't tell me it's a secret, I will assume you want me to openly and explicitly act on this information.
I'm great at keeping secrets, but you gotta tell me it's a secret. If you don't tell me it's a secret, I will assume you want me to openly and explicitly act on this information.
September 16, 2026 at 10:59 PM
fun fact:
I'm great at keeping secrets, but you gotta tell me it's a secret. If you don't tell me it's a secret, I will assume you want me to openly and explicitly act on this information.
I'm great at keeping secrets, but you gotta tell me it's a secret. If you don't tell me it's a secret, I will assume you want me to openly and explicitly act on this information.
Fun fact:
Abortion is self-defense, and thus cannot be murder, even if we pretend the unborn are persons.
Pregnancy comes with a substantially increased risk of death from a large number causes. The risk of death INCREASES the longer one is pregnant.
Abortion is self-defense, and thus cannot be murder, even if we pretend the unborn are persons.
Pregnancy comes with a substantially increased risk of death from a large number causes. The risk of death INCREASES the longer one is pregnant.
September 16, 2026 at 4:22 PM
Fun fact:
Abortion is self-defense, and thus cannot be murder, even if we pretend the unborn are persons.
Pregnancy comes with a substantially increased risk of death from a large number causes. The risk of death INCREASES the longer one is pregnant.
Abortion is self-defense, and thus cannot be murder, even if we pretend the unborn are persons.
Pregnancy comes with a substantially increased risk of death from a large number causes. The risk of death INCREASES the longer one is pregnant.
Remember the white cop who drew his firearm and called NINE OTHER WHITE COPS to the scene because Zayd Atkinson was picking up litter outside his home in Boulder, Colorado? That cop was permitted to resign from Boulder PD, but now he's a "digital media and evidence" officer at the CU Anschutz PD.
September 16, 2026 at 2:03 PM
Remember the white cop who drew his firearm and called NINE OTHER WHITE COPS to the scene because Zayd Atkinson was picking up litter outside his home in Boulder, Colorado? That cop was permitted to resign from Boulder PD, but now he's a "digital media and evidence" officer at the CU Anschutz PD.
Humans weren't meant to be "in the workforce" for 30, 40, 50-plus years. And they don't have to be. But capitalism.
September 15, 2026 at 3:20 PM
Humans weren't meant to be "in the workforce" for 30, 40, 50-plus years. And they don't have to be. But capitalism.
(un)Fun Facts:
The average age of a current U.S. Senator is 65.
80 years ago, the average LIFE EXPECTANCY of an American was 65.
The average age of a current U.S. Senator is 65.
80 years ago, the average LIFE EXPECTANCY of an American was 65.
September 15, 2026 at 12:42 AM
(un)Fun Facts:
The average age of a current U.S. Senator is 65.
80 years ago, the average LIFE EXPECTANCY of an American was 65.
The average age of a current U.S. Senator is 65.
80 years ago, the average LIFE EXPECTANCY of an American was 65.
I'm just saying you should hold onto your wedding registry, and if you two are still doing alright, like, ten years later, and there's anyone on there who is still single . . . you owe them. You need to get them something nice.
Sincerely,
ARO 40-something who has been to a LOT of weddings
Sincerely,
ARO 40-something who has been to a LOT of weddings
September 13, 2026 at 3:37 PM
I'm just saying you should hold onto your wedding registry, and if you two are still doing alright, like, ten years later, and there's anyone on there who is still single . . . you owe them. You need to get them something nice.
Sincerely,
ARO 40-something who has been to a LOT of weddings
Sincerely,
ARO 40-something who has been to a LOT of weddings
I've posted this many times before, but it's been over a year now:
InSinkErator + NYSNC = NSyncErator, a garbage disposal that plays "Bye Bye Bye" when you use it.
InSinkErator + NYSNC = NSyncErator, a garbage disposal that plays "Bye Bye Bye" when you use it.
September 13, 2026 at 2:58 PM
I've posted this many times before, but it's been over a year now:
InSinkErator + NYSNC = NSyncErator, a garbage disposal that plays "Bye Bye Bye" when you use it.
InSinkErator + NYSNC = NSyncErator, a garbage disposal that plays "Bye Bye Bye" when you use it.
So serious question:
With ABS being as it is, is the strike zone legitimately now just a plane in the middle of home plate rather than a 3-D space over it? Because ABS clearly thinks it's a plane, so if we're going to use it to overturn umpires, then umpires need to know the SAME strike zone.
With ABS being as it is, is the strike zone legitimately now just a plane in the middle of home plate rather than a 3-D space over it? Because ABS clearly thinks it's a plane, so if we're going to use it to overturn umpires, then umpires need to know the SAME strike zone.
September 12, 2026 at 12:33 PM
So serious question:
With ABS being as it is, is the strike zone legitimately now just a plane in the middle of home plate rather than a 3-D space over it? Because ABS clearly thinks it's a plane, so if we're going to use it to overturn umpires, then umpires need to know the SAME strike zone.
With ABS being as it is, is the strike zone legitimately now just a plane in the middle of home plate rather than a 3-D space over it? Because ABS clearly thinks it's a plane, so if we're going to use it to overturn umpires, then umpires need to know the SAME strike zone.
Name a non-LOTR character who could resist the One Ring
September 11, 2026 at 10:54 PM
Name a non-LOTR character who could resist the One Ring
Reposted by Simon Templar
It's beautiful that our president has ordered his face at half mast to honor those lost on 9/11.
Trump's face droops while he attends the 9/11 ceremony this morning at the Pentagon
(Finn Gomez/Getty)
(Finn Gomez/Getty)
September 11, 2026 at 5:55 PM
It's beautiful that our president has ordered his face at half mast to honor those lost on 9/11.
Here's a higher quality version that didn't get badly cropped somehow.
September 11, 2026 at 1:58 PM
Here's a higher quality version that didn't get badly cropped somehow.
Fun fact:
We don't know for certain why the chess piece called the queen is such a god-tier badass, but we do know this:
1/2. The piece received her current name and powers in the late 15th Century, when the game was being introduced to most of Europe via the Iberian peninsula.
We don't know for certain why the chess piece called the queen is such a god-tier badass, but we do know this:
1/2. The piece received her current name and powers in the late 15th Century, when the game was being introduced to most of Europe via the Iberian peninsula.
September 10, 2026 at 8:35 PM
Fun fact:
We don't know for certain why the chess piece called the queen is such a god-tier badass, but we do know this:
1/2. The piece received her current name and powers in the late 15th Century, when the game was being introduced to most of Europe via the Iberian peninsula.
We don't know for certain why the chess piece called the queen is such a god-tier badass, but we do know this:
1/2. The piece received her current name and powers in the late 15th Century, when the game was being introduced to most of Europe via the Iberian peninsula.
Fun fact:
Since the "DC" stands for "Detective Comics," the name of the publisher is Detective Comics Comics
Since the "DC" stands for "Detective Comics," the name of the publisher is Detective Comics Comics
September 10, 2026 at 7:47 PM
Fun fact:
Since the "DC" stands for "Detective Comics," the name of the publisher is Detective Comics Comics
Since the "DC" stands for "Detective Comics," the name of the publisher is Detective Comics Comics
fun fact:
If you own a cat, and happen to die in its presence, then right before your consciousness fades away and ceases to exist forever, almost as if it never was - your cat leans in real close and whispers, in your native tongue, "I understood every word, and I could speak this whole time."
If you own a cat, and happen to die in its presence, then right before your consciousness fades away and ceases to exist forever, almost as if it never was - your cat leans in real close and whispers, in your native tongue, "I understood every word, and I could speak this whole time."
September 10, 2026 at 7:07 PM
fun fact:
If you own a cat, and happen to die in its presence, then right before your consciousness fades away and ceases to exist forever, almost as if it never was - your cat leans in real close and whispers, in your native tongue, "I understood every word, and I could speak this whole time."
If you own a cat, and happen to die in its presence, then right before your consciousness fades away and ceases to exist forever, almost as if it never was - your cat leans in real close and whispers, in your native tongue, "I understood every word, and I could speak this whole time."
Fun fact:
The plummeting ACT and SAT scores that caused our public school system to shift away from offering students a choice of arts, crafts, languages, technical skills, and other electives to focusing almost entirely on "core subjects" and standardized testing ...
The plummeting ACT and SAT scores that caused our public school system to shift away from offering students a choice of arts, crafts, languages, technical skills, and other electives to focusing almost entirely on "core subjects" and standardized testing ...
September 9, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Fun fact:
The plummeting ACT and SAT scores that caused our public school system to shift away from offering students a choice of arts, crafts, languages, technical skills, and other electives to focusing almost entirely on "core subjects" and standardized testing ...
The plummeting ACT and SAT scores that caused our public school system to shift away from offering students a choice of arts, crafts, languages, technical skills, and other electives to focusing almost entirely on "core subjects" and standardized testing ...
I have a student in one of my classes who just comes up to me at the end of class and tells me what their favorite part was. Like every time. They're the best.
September 9, 2026 at 12:13 PM
I have a student in one of my classes who just comes up to me at the end of class and tells me what their favorite part was. Like every time. They're the best.
Y'know those "Marxist professors" that conservatives are always so worried are "indoctrinating" young minds?
That's me. I'm doing that. And no one can stop me.
That's me. I'm doing that. And no one can stop me.
September 8, 2026 at 9:56 PM
Y'know those "Marxist professors" that conservatives are always so worried are "indoctrinating" young minds?
That's me. I'm doing that. And no one can stop me.
That's me. I'm doing that. And no one can stop me.
NFL kickers have clearly gotten too good at what they do, so I propose replacing the uprights with a skee-ball-like scoring area with multiple rings of different point values.
September 8, 2026 at 7:01 PM
NFL kickers have clearly gotten too good at what they do, so I propose replacing the uprights with a skee-ball-like scoring area with multiple rings of different point values.
You don't need Alpen for Alpenglow. This window faces west, and this photo was taken at sunrise. That light behind the trees isn't the sun, it's a reflection of the sun off of the clouds forming over the Everglades.
September 8, 2026 at 11:43 AM
You don't need Alpen for Alpenglow. This window faces west, and this photo was taken at sunrise. That light behind the trees isn't the sun, it's a reflection of the sun off of the clouds forming over the Everglades.
Spotted a pricey luxury car with the vanity plates "F YIPS"
Former pro athlete, perhaps?
Former pro athlete, perhaps?
September 7, 2026 at 8:21 PM
Spotted a pricey luxury car with the vanity plates "F YIPS"
Former pro athlete, perhaps?
Former pro athlete, perhaps?
Email from actual college student:
"I'd like to know why I got an 86 if I only got one question wrong."
There were seven questions on the quiz.
"I'd like to know why I got an 86 if I only got one question wrong."
There were seven questions on the quiz.
September 7, 2026 at 7:39 PM
Email from actual college student:
"I'd like to know why I got an 86 if I only got one question wrong."
There were seven questions on the quiz.
"I'd like to know why I got an 86 if I only got one question wrong."
There were seven questions on the quiz.
So there's a Chinese food restaurant in my area that's takeout only . . . but it used to be a whole fucking Chinese buffet. And a big one, too. So now you have to walk through this eerie, empty buffet room ALL the way to the kitchen to get your food. There's tables stacked against the walls and shit
September 7, 2026 at 12:13 AM
So there's a Chinese food restaurant in my area that's takeout only . . . but it used to be a whole fucking Chinese buffet. And a big one, too. So now you have to walk through this eerie, empty buffet room ALL the way to the kitchen to get your food. There's tables stacked against the walls and shit