Milo, mars system
@marssysmilo.bsky.social
Milos personal account, member of @MarsSys.bsky.social
25
25
now that i actually have a chance for a future, it's left me thinking about my past, my fight and journey so far
about the people in my life, and the people who were left behind in the wake of my illness
it's left me thinking about and missing people I never thought i would, I haven't in years
about the people in my life, and the people who were left behind in the wake of my illness
it's left me thinking about and missing people I never thought i would, I haven't in years
March 3, 2026 at 1:12 AM
now that i actually have a chance for a future, it's left me thinking about my past, my fight and journey so far
about the people in my life, and the people who were left behind in the wake of my illness
it's left me thinking about and missing people I never thought i would, I haven't in years
about the people in my life, and the people who were left behind in the wake of my illness
it's left me thinking about and missing people I never thought i would, I haven't in years
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone, but especially my lovely lovely partner @flarebeams.bsky.social
We've only been together for 6 months but because of everything that's happened it's felt like a lifetime.
I treasure every day I get to wake up and know she's by my side even when living apart.
We've only been together for 6 months but because of everything that's happened it's felt like a lifetime.
I treasure every day I get to wake up and know she's by my side even when living apart.
February 14, 2026 at 12:40 AM
Happy Valentine's Day to everyone, but especially my lovely lovely partner @flarebeams.bsky.social
We've only been together for 6 months but because of everything that's happened it's felt like a lifetime.
I treasure every day I get to wake up and know she's by my side even when living apart.
We've only been together for 6 months but because of everything that's happened it's felt like a lifetime.
I treasure every day I get to wake up and know she's by my side even when living apart.
I wish i had the security of voluntary assisted dying
if i lived in other states i would
just knowing I could choose peace over continuing suffering
and have my loved ones by my side, without risking them being jailed for just being with me holding my hand
i wish i could see the end
#NEISvoid
if i lived in other states i would
just knowing I could choose peace over continuing suffering
and have my loved ones by my side, without risking them being jailed for just being with me holding my hand
i wish i could see the end
#NEISvoid
February 8, 2026 at 12:12 AM
I wish i had the security of voluntary assisted dying
if i lived in other states i would
just knowing I could choose peace over continuing suffering
and have my loved ones by my side, without risking them being jailed for just being with me holding my hand
i wish i could see the end
#NEISvoid
if i lived in other states i would
just knowing I could choose peace over continuing suffering
and have my loved ones by my side, without risking them being jailed for just being with me holding my hand
i wish i could see the end
#NEISvoid
life is too sad
January 19, 2026 at 1:40 PM
life is too sad
got some fucking awful information about my upcoming big surgery today and god its making me reconsider a lot of things
feels absolutely shit p
feels absolutely shit p
January 19, 2026 at 11:11 AM
got some fucking awful information about my upcoming big surgery today and god its making me reconsider a lot of things
feels absolutely shit p
feels absolutely shit p
keep getting sudden bursts of fear, absolute terror
at this point its hard to tell if its the kids or if its just me slipping from the overwhelming everything
just wishing everything would stop
wishing someone was there and we werent alone
i wish we could grow out of this feeling
i hate it
at this point its hard to tell if its the kids or if its just me slipping from the overwhelming everything
just wishing everything would stop
wishing someone was there and we werent alone
i wish we could grow out of this feeling
i hate it
January 12, 2026 at 12:50 PM
keep getting sudden bursts of fear, absolute terror
at this point its hard to tell if its the kids or if its just me slipping from the overwhelming everything
just wishing everything would stop
wishing someone was there and we werent alone
i wish we could grow out of this feeling
i hate it
at this point its hard to tell if its the kids or if its just me slipping from the overwhelming everything
just wishing everything would stop
wishing someone was there and we werent alone
i wish we could grow out of this feeling
i hate it
having surgery in a few days
even worse anxiety anticipating this one than the initial one its a repeat of
I wouldn't have expected it
but it's the way i already know how it's going to feel
how awful i know the local is going to be and how deep it has to go and everything it has to go through
even worse anxiety anticipating this one than the initial one its a repeat of
I wouldn't have expected it
but it's the way i already know how it's going to feel
how awful i know the local is going to be and how deep it has to go and everything it has to go through
January 12, 2026 at 5:55 AM
having surgery in a few days
even worse anxiety anticipating this one than the initial one its a repeat of
I wouldn't have expected it
but it's the way i already know how it's going to feel
how awful i know the local is going to be and how deep it has to go and everything it has to go through
even worse anxiety anticipating this one than the initial one its a repeat of
I wouldn't have expected it
but it's the way i already know how it's going to feel
how awful i know the local is going to be and how deep it has to go and everything it has to go through
somehow I just saw my reflection and was surprised I was in a wheelchair
idk how the hell that happened
idk how the hell that happened
January 9, 2026 at 1:21 PM
somehow I just saw my reflection and was surprised I was in a wheelchair
idk how the hell that happened
idk how the hell that happened
another surgery in less than a week and somehow i had managed to go until now without thinking or stressing about it
January 9, 2026 at 7:26 AM
another surgery in less than a week and somehow i had managed to go until now without thinking or stressing about it
need to figure out what to get gf for her birthday
January 8, 2026 at 11:09 AM
need to figure out what to get gf for her birthday
i think one of the funniest things that will happen once i pass is my current partner and ex can say "bbno$ killed my wife" and it's technically sort of true
January 7, 2026 at 11:59 AM
i think one of the funniest things that will happen once i pass is my current partner and ex can say "bbno$ killed my wife" and it's technically sort of true
girlfriends mum got me pot for Christmas
January 1, 2026 at 6:23 AM
girlfriends mum got me pot for Christmas
tonight's the kind of night where my brain can tolerate some noise, finally music
I just lay here in bed with my headphones and listen to everything i love, and find even more to add to my library
one of my few fundamental interests this illness hasnt quite been able to fully take away from me
I just lay here in bed with my headphones and listen to everything i love, and find even more to add to my library
one of my few fundamental interests this illness hasnt quite been able to fully take away from me
December 25, 2025 at 4:44 PM
tonight's the kind of night where my brain can tolerate some noise, finally music
I just lay here in bed with my headphones and listen to everything i love, and find even more to add to my library
one of my few fundamental interests this illness hasnt quite been able to fully take away from me
I just lay here in bed with my headphones and listen to everything i love, and find even more to add to my library
one of my few fundamental interests this illness hasnt quite been able to fully take away from me
and i might be needing hospital for emergency surgery, we'll have to see about that.
it's been 4 days without the bleed closing up so that's not great, just keeping an eye out for if it causes any other symptoms to indicate too much blood loss
can never have a christmas go well can i
it's been 4 days without the bleed closing up so that's not great, just keeping an eye out for if it causes any other symptoms to indicate too much blood loss
can never have a christmas go well can i
mine today will be spent alone trapped in bed in the dark. both with a pretty nasty M.E. crash, and also a migraine.
too ill to tolerate loud family christmas gatherings,
and also too isolated for anyone who wants to visit.
the world is cruel. make the most of the time with your loved ones
too ill to tolerate loud family christmas gatherings,
and also too isolated for anyone who wants to visit.
the world is cruel. make the most of the time with your loved ones
Despite our screens being filled with images of happy families celebrating Christmas, some feel the festive season is lonelier than ever.
December 24, 2025 at 11:28 PM
and i might be needing hospital for emergency surgery, we'll have to see about that.
it's been 4 days without the bleed closing up so that's not great, just keeping an eye out for if it causes any other symptoms to indicate too much blood loss
can never have a christmas go well can i
it's been 4 days without the bleed closing up so that's not great, just keeping an eye out for if it causes any other symptoms to indicate too much blood loss
can never have a christmas go well can i
really unwell. not sure what to do. the people around me need help. but I can barely speak, I don't know how I could even help. I just know there isnt anyone else they have who can help. my heart is going out bad. I don't want them to be left without help
December 15, 2025 at 11:24 AM
really unwell. not sure what to do. the people around me need help. but I can barely speak, I don't know how I could even help. I just know there isnt anyone else they have who can help. my heart is going out bad. I don't want them to be left without help
Reposted by Milo, mars system
idk what the point is writing all this
i guess to just get people to take covid seriously
in terms of society wide mental impact, this has the potential to be far worse than lead poisoning was for those generations
please, keep yourselves safe, get vaccinated, stop the spread, and protect others
i guess to just get people to take covid seriously
in terms of society wide mental impact, this has the potential to be far worse than lead poisoning was for those generations
please, keep yourselves safe, get vaccinated, stop the spread, and protect others
October 21, 2025 at 4:25 AM
idk what the point is writing all this
i guess to just get people to take covid seriously
in terms of society wide mental impact, this has the potential to be far worse than lead poisoning was for those generations
please, keep yourselves safe, get vaccinated, stop the spread, and protect others
i guess to just get people to take covid seriously
in terms of society wide mental impact, this has the potential to be far worse than lead poisoning was for those generations
please, keep yourselves safe, get vaccinated, stop the spread, and protect others
Reposted by Milo, mars system
I wish we had another chance
even if not for me
for my headmates
they deserve better than this life
they havent even been able to live most of it
trapped away hiding from the pain
I wish they could have been happy
all of them
even if not for me
for my headmates
they deserve better than this life
they havent even been able to live most of it
trapped away hiding from the pain
I wish they could have been happy
all of them
November 24, 2025 at 2:07 PM
I wish we had another chance
even if not for me
for my headmates
they deserve better than this life
they havent even been able to live most of it
trapped away hiding from the pain
I wish they could have been happy
all of them
even if not for me
for my headmates
they deserve better than this life
they havent even been able to live most of it
trapped away hiding from the pain
I wish they could have been happy
all of them
Reposted by Milo, mars system
could I have found love without it being haunted by the trauma of witnessing our suffering
giving PTSD to everyone around us as our body fails and they watch us suffer
being able to fall in love without caveats, without warnings
without constantly worrying about traumatising the ones i love most
giving PTSD to everyone around us as our body fails and they watch us suffer
being able to fall in love without caveats, without warnings
without constantly worrying about traumatising the ones i love most
November 24, 2025 at 2:07 PM
could I have found love without it being haunted by the trauma of witnessing our suffering
giving PTSD to everyone around us as our body fails and they watch us suffer
being able to fall in love without caveats, without warnings
without constantly worrying about traumatising the ones i love most
giving PTSD to everyone around us as our body fails and they watch us suffer
being able to fall in love without caveats, without warnings
without constantly worrying about traumatising the ones i love most
Reposted by Milo, mars system
could the kids have had a longer lasting safer space to process what happened to us
to heal without whole new traumas and pain hitting them every time they come out.
i wish they could have grown and healed and flourished
now i cant even consider the possibility of them processing our death
to heal without whole new traumas and pain hitting them every time they come out.
i wish they could have grown and healed and flourished
now i cant even consider the possibility of them processing our death
November 24, 2025 at 2:07 PM
could the kids have had a longer lasting safer space to process what happened to us
to heal without whole new traumas and pain hitting them every time they come out.
i wish they could have grown and healed and flourished
now i cant even consider the possibility of them processing our death
to heal without whole new traumas and pain hitting them every time they come out.
i wish they could have grown and healed and flourished
now i cant even consider the possibility of them processing our death
Reposted by Milo, mars system
would we have transitioned earlier, with less on our plate?
would we have done more with it?
phone calls every day and i have so little energy to speak it just leaves me with a raspy croak, misgendered no matter what
bottom hasn't ever even been considered, too impossible and far away
would we have done more with it?
phone calls every day and i have so little energy to speak it just leaves me with a raspy croak, misgendered no matter what
bottom hasn't ever even been considered, too impossible and far away
November 24, 2025 at 2:07 PM
would we have transitioned earlier, with less on our plate?
would we have done more with it?
phone calls every day and i have so little energy to speak it just leaves me with a raspy croak, misgendered no matter what
bottom hasn't ever even been considered, too impossible and far away
would we have done more with it?
phone calls every day and i have so little energy to speak it just leaves me with a raspy croak, misgendered no matter what
bottom hasn't ever even been considered, too impossible and far away
Reposted by Milo, mars system
Milo:
thinking about an alternate life
if we didnt get sick
would we have had more time to exist
or would we have gotten sick some different time
we were probably doomed anyway, genetic factors combined with trauma
but I'd like to hope in another life we could have had a life without illness
thinking about an alternate life
if we didnt get sick
would we have had more time to exist
or would we have gotten sick some different time
we were probably doomed anyway, genetic factors combined with trauma
but I'd like to hope in another life we could have had a life without illness
November 24, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Milo:
thinking about an alternate life
if we didnt get sick
would we have had more time to exist
or would we have gotten sick some different time
we were probably doomed anyway, genetic factors combined with trauma
but I'd like to hope in another life we could have had a life without illness
thinking about an alternate life
if we didnt get sick
would we have had more time to exist
or would we have gotten sick some different time
we were probably doomed anyway, genetic factors combined with trauma
but I'd like to hope in another life we could have had a life without illness
relevant
i wish i could say it would get better and all go away some day
i wish i could say it would get better and all go away some day
November 24, 2025 at 2:57 PM
relevant
i wish i could say it would get better and all go away some day
i wish i could say it would get better and all go away some day
while i was writing this I felt Amanda's presence in co con
it's good to know that she's still around
but she was very emotional
it seemed really upsetting to her
i wish i could make it easier, soften the blow
not only being this sick, but she also lost her relationship during the breakup
it's good to know that she's still around
but she was very emotional
it seemed really upsetting to her
i wish i could make it easier, soften the blow
not only being this sick, but she also lost her relationship during the breakup
and now it's all gone
memory gaps are back
i dont often feel their presence in co con
i don't find their notes and messages anymore
i only have traces of memories from years ago
they probably arent even aware of how sick we are
they dont know what has happened, where its headed, we are dying
memory gaps are back
i dont often feel their presence in co con
i don't find their notes and messages anymore
i only have traces of memories from years ago
they probably arent even aware of how sick we are
they dont know what has happened, where its headed, we are dying
November 16, 2025 at 10:41 PM
while i was writing this I felt Amanda's presence in co con
it's good to know that she's still around
but she was very emotional
it seemed really upsetting to her
i wish i could make it easier, soften the blow
not only being this sick, but she also lost her relationship during the breakup
it's good to know that she's still around
but she was very emotional
it seemed really upsetting to her
i wish i could make it easier, soften the blow
not only being this sick, but she also lost her relationship during the breakup
was looking at some old photos of me, in 2022 before my big decline in 23 and 24
my face and emotions looked so different
even though already sick
there was some level of bliss and nativity
you can visibly see how much changed for me after i lost everything
my brain will never be the same again
my face and emotions looked so different
even though already sick
there was some level of bliss and nativity
you can visibly see how much changed for me after i lost everything
my brain will never be the same again
November 16, 2025 at 10:14 PM
was looking at some old photos of me, in 2022 before my big decline in 23 and 24
my face and emotions looked so different
even though already sick
there was some level of bliss and nativity
you can visibly see how much changed for me after i lost everything
my brain will never be the same again
my face and emotions looked so different
even though already sick
there was some level of bliss and nativity
you can visibly see how much changed for me after i lost everything
my brain will never be the same again