Shark spotted!!!

You didn't have what it takes to be a rock star. But you were perfectly suited to being the band's little plaything.

Now, crawl over to the studio, pet. We're gonna tie you to the drum kit so the kick hits you in that cute little chastity cage we locked you in. This next album's got some metal influences, lots of high tempo stuff. I'll even ruffle your hair after we're done recording.

You've gone from chained up post-show stress relief in a van to a padded kennel in the tour bus, fetching tools for the techs, waddling around on what used to be your hands and knees. We're getting a custom flight case built for you for our upcoming international tour.

I guess I should thank you for our success. I always knew you were holding us back, but since we went from a quad to a trio we've been pumping out hit after hit. And it's not like you haven't gotten to enjoy the success yourself!

By the time we hashed out the first song, your hands were nothing but bloody, mangled stumps. By the second, you would never walk on two legs again. At least breaking your jaw meant we'd never have to listen to your horrible 'singing' again.

The first blow of the hammer probably ended your guitar playing days for good, but...well, we all had a lot of frustrations at that point. And, unlike you, we knew how to keep tempo. Best jam session of our lives.

And that would be...fine, if you could back it up. But you couldn't. All the flashy peacocking and you couldn't even play in tune, let alone on beat. Always trying to cram in a guitar solo where it wouldn't fit, and it didn't even sound good.

Nice!

:3

ha ha

I demean you do it?

Seconded tbh

Whoagggg... 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

the nipple pasties are SUCH a PEAK IDEA

VERY!!!