People are often shocked to learn how bad of an electrician I am.

I just walked past my chicken coop and heard the hens clucking. Which is weird, since I don't have any chickens anymore.

I think I have a poultrygeist.

The problem with watching old movies for the first time is that whatever made them great and innovative when they came out can now feel like a string of tired cliches.

You know why Pop Tarts exist but Mom Tarts don't? It's because of the pastryarchy.

Life is like a box of chocolates; it'll kill your dog.